Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Second wedding presents

150 replies

WaffleTheFreezerAlligator · 10/05/2018 15:27

A few weeks ago, DH's cousin announced that her & her husband are having a second wedding.

Their first wedding was very quiet, immediately family only (so we weren't invited), and we found out about it after the fact. No problem with this at all. I'm a firm believer in doing what you want for your wedding. We weren't offended not to be invited as we are not really close to that part of the family, but were happy to hear the news and sent a card and a bottle of champagne.

The second wedding announcement was on Facebook with pictures from an engagement photoshoot and said something like "we're planning a big party, you all better be there!". Along with about 200 other people, both DH & I liked the status and sent texts saying that the party sounded fun and we're looking forward to it. I was a bit Hmm at the engagement photoshoot but thought each to their own, maybe they didn't get the ring / wedding they really wanted first time around and are making up for it now.

DH is away for work this week. Last night, DH's aunt (mother of the 'bride') rang me. Aunt starts by telling me how upset they are that we haven't sent an "engagement present" to the cousin yet. I laughed and said "but they are already married!" ( also thinking, regardless of whether we were to get them a second wedding gift whenever it happens, SURELY people don't give "second engagement" gifts to married people?)

DH's aunt has taken grievous offence at this and proceeded to tell me that it is unfair that we got "thousands and thousands of pounds worth of wedding presents" and her DD missed out. And that I "needn't think that bottle of champagne lets me off the hook" and that we're expected to get her DD a "proper wedding present".

She started to gear up to complain about various things about our wedding (which was nearly 5 years ago!) but I was having none of it and told her that I wasn't going to discuss this any further, we're not sending an "engagement present", we'll decide on anything further once a second wedding invitation actually materializes, and that if she wants to slag off our wedding she can ring someone else.

I've spoken to DH and told him to deal with his rude aunt when he's back from his trip. He was totally shocked at her cheek but mostly we had a laugh about it.

I've since spoken to my lovely MIL who has also had a call from the aunt along similar lines. Aunt & cousin don't think its fair that she "missed out" on having her day being the center of attention. She specifically brought up the amount of money her DD received as wedding presents vs what she thinks other family members received for their weddings.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? You don't just decide to have another wedding because you want to fleece your relatives? And even if you do have another wedding, you don't get flipping engagement presents? And if you want to tell someone the gift they got you was crap, you don't wait 3 years to do it! Grin

Also, just for context : DH's cousin is the same age as us (and we are all in our 30s!) We said "no gifts" for our wedding because most of guests were travelling a really long way. However, some people did choose to give us gifts anyway and we were really grateful for these.
The cousin didn't get us anything, and the aunt was very offended that we had said "no gifts" because this was apparently was a clever rouse to make people give us "thousands and thousands in cash" instead of presents. The aunt gave us a hideous fruit bowl about six months later and said "I don't agree with subsidizing people's honeymoons" when she handed it over Grin

OP posts:
Shrodingerslion · 10/05/2018 16:36

Can we call her Fruitbzilla? Grin

AmazingPostVoices · 10/05/2018 16:40

I think I might be sadly unavailable for the second wedding and yes, regift the fruit bowl.

Who calls up to complain about a lack of presents?

Eliza9917 · 10/05/2018 16:48

Shameless placemarking.

FuzzyCustard · 10/05/2018 16:50

Grin It is threads like this that make me love MN. Whatever did I do before?
Bye bye fruitbowl!

IggyAce · 10/05/2018 16:54

CFs of the highest order. Regifting the fruit bowl is genius.

expatinscotland · 10/05/2018 17:00

Definitely give them the fruit bowl. And fuck going to their party, too.

kitkatsky · 10/05/2018 17:02

Omg lol. Def the fruit bowl!

bumblenbean · 10/05/2018 17:02

Unbelievable CF-eye. The irony of the aunt suggesting that asking for cash etc is crass and then having the sheer audacity to complain about what presents her own daughter got/ May get second time round!

bumblenbean · 10/05/2018 17:02

CF-ery

QueenDaisy · 10/05/2018 17:09

The Sun ☀️ has brought all the CF’s out of hiding Grin

StrongerThanIThought76 · 10/05/2018 17:11

Regift the fruitbowl

nominates for classics

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/05/2018 17:16

"Regift the fruitbowl" should definitely become an MN stock phrase, in the proud tradition of "cancel the cheque", "get it logged" and "are you on glue" etc.

Littlechocola · 10/05/2018 17:17

Now I feel sad that we didn’t get any engagement presents (not even a fruit bowl) when we got engaged. We’ll only be having one wedding, far too stressful.

Strawberry2017 · 10/05/2018 17:26

I love this- I'll have a small wedding and then decide to do it again to get extra presents!
How cheeky!
Should have had a big wedding first time round!
Another vote for regifting the fruit bowl or find something equally as ugly that they can't return for cash! X

Laska5772 · 10/05/2018 17:27

Actually we only got three wedding presents all told ( and nothing at all from my own family.. ) .it might have been because we only told a very few people and the rest of the family after

But I'd like some wedding presents , some of our bedding could do with replacing and the toaster . .( and a John Lewis list would be fab, and I bet they have good fruit bowls ) .

So we may have to have another wedding also . The first one was was 14 years ago though.. Its not too late is it ?

Laska5772 · 10/05/2018 17:28

ooh and a lovely new set of towels would be fab. Grin

Mamabear1475 · 10/05/2018 17:30

Find out if anyone is getting her a coffee machine. Then buy her a bag of sugar

Laska5772 · 10/05/2018 17:35

I'm now thinking ......
...... throw a big party for our 25th (we've been together 25 years this year).. and attach a John Lewis gift list with the invites!!..

Not Cfuckery at all!! I mean how can it be? Ive lost count of the number of wedding gifts I've given in the past .. !! (just joking Daily Mail) Grin

OP, your cousin and aunt.... Shock

mimibunz · 10/05/2018 17:41

Was the first wedding 3 years ago or recently? Either way this is a cheeky fucker classic!

SilverySurfer · 10/05/2018 17:47

When you think you've read every crazy wedding related thing possible on MN, the OP comes and tops it.

Fruit bowl is a genius idea but personally I would give them nothing, nor would I attend the gift grabbing event.

TrinaN · 10/05/2018 17:51

Hold on.....let me get this right......she is married and is having a 'second wedding' to the same man for the purpose of getting presents. They have some balls!!! To be that brazen is hilarious!

She isn't having a wedding or second wedding unless she has decided to be a bigamist or gotten divorced in the meantime. You also don't have to get her an engagement present - she is not engaged she is married!

I can understand two ceremonies if say you have a small wedding abroad and then want a vow renewal or small service/party here, but not a do-over to get better presents.

If you feel brazen enough a facebook post to say that you are sorry to hear she has had to get divorced so she can get re-engaged and re-married as she was not happy with the selection and value of presents for the first wedding and you are sure everyone will do better next time (to make sure everyone knows).

Then I agree - re-gift the fruit bowl!!

RuggerHug · 10/05/2018 18:02

Wow.
Maybe some wax fruit as an engagement present, to go with the wedding gift? Aunt can choke on it.

AndersArms · 10/05/2018 18:07

Wow that's a whole new level of CF-ery. A second wedding just for presents?

And regift the fruitbowl is genius. Along with a comment of "I don't believe in subsidising second weddings" with a straight face, presumably.

WaffleTheFreezerAlligator · 10/05/2018 18:11

The first wedding was 3 years ago. They had a small civil ceremony with (I think) 12 guests and a meal afterwards.
This was unusually low-key for the cousin so when I saw the recent Facebook announcement, I wondered if the purpose of the "second wedding" was to have a church/religious ceremony or to have a big party with all their friends because they didn't do that the first time.

To be fair, that might also be the case, but after CF-Aunt's phone call it seems that the lack of presents in comparison to other family weddings has a lot to do with their decision.

It also seems like they don't just want a wedding do-over, but to have everything they missed the first time starting with the "engagement" . I'm watching the Facebook pages for all concerned with popcorn in hand, can't wait to see if they follow up with engagement party, hen do, stag do etc Grin

OP posts:
PleaseAndThanks · 10/05/2018 18:17

😂 I hope my mum fights for me to get wedding presents this hard 😂