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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Second wedding presents

150 replies

WaffleTheFreezerAlligator · 10/05/2018 15:27

A few weeks ago, DH's cousin announced that her & her husband are having a second wedding.

Their first wedding was very quiet, immediately family only (so we weren't invited), and we found out about it after the fact. No problem with this at all. I'm a firm believer in doing what you want for your wedding. We weren't offended not to be invited as we are not really close to that part of the family, but were happy to hear the news and sent a card and a bottle of champagne.

The second wedding announcement was on Facebook with pictures from an engagement photoshoot and said something like "we're planning a big party, you all better be there!". Along with about 200 other people, both DH & I liked the status and sent texts saying that the party sounded fun and we're looking forward to it. I was a bit Hmm at the engagement photoshoot but thought each to their own, maybe they didn't get the ring / wedding they really wanted first time around and are making up for it now.

DH is away for work this week. Last night, DH's aunt (mother of the 'bride') rang me. Aunt starts by telling me how upset they are that we haven't sent an "engagement present" to the cousin yet. I laughed and said "but they are already married!" ( also thinking, regardless of whether we were to get them a second wedding gift whenever it happens, SURELY people don't give "second engagement" gifts to married people?)

DH's aunt has taken grievous offence at this and proceeded to tell me that it is unfair that we got "thousands and thousands of pounds worth of wedding presents" and her DD missed out. And that I "needn't think that bottle of champagne lets me off the hook" and that we're expected to get her DD a "proper wedding present".

She started to gear up to complain about various things about our wedding (which was nearly 5 years ago!) but I was having none of it and told her that I wasn't going to discuss this any further, we're not sending an "engagement present", we'll decide on anything further once a second wedding invitation actually materializes, and that if she wants to slag off our wedding she can ring someone else.

I've spoken to DH and told him to deal with his rude aunt when he's back from his trip. He was totally shocked at her cheek but mostly we had a laugh about it.

I've since spoken to my lovely MIL who has also had a call from the aunt along similar lines. Aunt & cousin don't think its fair that she "missed out" on having her day being the center of attention. She specifically brought up the amount of money her DD received as wedding presents vs what she thinks other family members received for their weddings.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? You don't just decide to have another wedding because you want to fleece your relatives? And even if you do have another wedding, you don't get flipping engagement presents? And if you want to tell someone the gift they got you was crap, you don't wait 3 years to do it! Grin

Also, just for context : DH's cousin is the same age as us (and we are all in our 30s!) We said "no gifts" for our wedding because most of guests were travelling a really long way. However, some people did choose to give us gifts anyway and we were really grateful for these.
The cousin didn't get us anything, and the aunt was very offended that we had said "no gifts" because this was apparently was a clever rouse to make people give us "thousands and thousands in cash" instead of presents. The aunt gave us a hideous fruit bowl about six months later and said "I don't agree with subsidizing people's honeymoons" when she handed it over Grin

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 11/05/2018 12:56

waffle that would be perfect Grin

Wilhamenawonka · 11/05/2018 13:00

Please tell me that you and your husband are now going to have a second wedding the week before and ask for presents.
It's the only possible response.
You could say that they gave you the idea and it was so lovely you thought you'd do the same.

GnomeDePlume · 11/05/2018 13:00

Plastic fruit would go perfectly with the fruit bowl

MrsMozart · 11/05/2018 13:05

And plastic fruit! Brilliant Gnome Grin

MadMags · 11/05/2018 13:11

Regift the fruit bowl!!!

SadieHH · 11/05/2018 13:24

To accompany the fruit bowl

Second wedding presents
waterlily200 · 11/05/2018 13:38

Perfect @SadieHH

SadieHH · 11/05/2018 13:41

Get them off eBay though, don't spend £14 Grin

MissBax · 11/05/2018 14:02

#RGTFB

catinboots9 · 11/05/2018 14:21

Cool story bro 😎

BMW6 · 11/05/2018 14:22

You have GOT to give the fruit bowl Grin
Unbelievable grabby cheeky fuckery. I hope this one gets picked up by the tabloids.

KC225 · 11/05/2018 14:26

And it's another Regift the fruit bowl from me.

Please add a poem

There was to be champagne to sip
But your grabby mum and gave me the pip
This fruit bowl is the gift we gladly offer
For marriages 2 we don't open the coffers

Bitchywaitress · 11/05/2018 14:50

Although you've been happy for three long years
It seems lack of presents has brought you to tears
So please accept this in the spirit in which it was intended
Stick this fruit bowl up your arse, and please don't be offended.

shakingmyhead1 · 11/05/2018 15:27

or give her the fruit bowl and say "I don't agree with subsidizing people's honeymoons or fake weddings"

MaggieFS · 11/05/2018 15:31

Bollocks to an engagement present unless they also have an engagement party and provide lots of booze, in which case give them a bottle of fizz.

Much as I LOVE the idea of regifting the fruit bowl, I think you'd be far better just going with something equally crap from a charity shop, in which case doesn't have a leg to stand on.

PanPanPanPing · 11/05/2018 17:40

T1M2N3T4. This is a good example of a 'stunt pineapple' www.amazon.co.uk/Pineapple-Large-Artificial-Fake-Food/dp/B00D37L3CQ?tag=mumsnetforum-21. IIRC, 'stunt pineapples' had a moment of popularity on MN some time last year - I forget why now!

Leeds2 · 11/05/2018 17:51

Pan, I think it was someone who bought a pineapple to put in their fruit bowl so as to impress visitors, being much more exotic than apples and bananas.

NewPapaGuinea · 11/05/2018 18:04

Engagement presents aren’t even a thing first time round are they?

SilverySurfer · 11/05/2018 18:11

Banknote wrapping paper - quite expensive and not £50s but may work?

www.zazzle.co.uk/british_banknote_wrapping_paper-256426485869540700

PanPanPanPing · 11/05/2018 18:21

Thanks, Leeds, I didn't really keep up with it last year (or whenever it was)!!! I just remembered the expression 'stunt pineapple' 🍍 🍍

GnomeDePlume · 11/05/2018 18:31

Just a thought, if the cousin isnt involved in the gift requesting it may be worth asking MiL if aunt is quite well?

HeckyPeck · 11/05/2018 18:50

I also love the idea of regifting the fruit bowl!

CoughLaughFart · 12/05/2018 09:46

With a single lemon in it 🍋 Perhaps with ‘Something for you both to suck on’ written on the tag.

FuzzyCustard · 12/05/2018 09:52

This is what you need waffle

Second wedding presents
sweetboykit · 12/05/2018 10:01

Please, please regift the fruit bowl!

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