To think DH is a selfish idiot?

[LittleGreySheep]

I haven't had a decent nights sleep for three months since giving birth. DH insists he doesn't hear the baby cry because as a woman I'm more "attuned" to it. Imo he is full of shit and selfish. So I pumped some milk, put it in the fridge and told DH I was spending the night in the guest room and he needed to look after the baby.

At 3am I'm woken up by crying. Selfish DH is indeed sleeping through his son screaming the house down. So I went next door, thumped him awake and went back to bed. 30 minutes later the crying is still getting louder and louder. I can't sleep for the noise and I'm worried so I get up. DH is walking up and down the hall in his underpants, jiggling a screaming baby and making shushing noises, while holding a bottle of breast milk in his hand. Apparently he couldn't feed the (very upset and hungry) baby until the milk reached body temperature. I told him he was an idiot to think he could warm milk with his hand and suggested putting the bottle in a mug of hot water? He said he couldn't possibly fill the kettle because he was holding the baby and trying to calm him down, and it was my fault for putting the milk in the fridge. AIBU to think you just put the baby down even if he's crying and do what you need to do! Spend five minutes warming the milk and then you can pick the baby back up and feed him to stop the crying! And obviously the milk has to go in the fridge!

I was absolutely furious that the baby had been screaming in hunger for so long, and I was up anyway so I just breastfed him.

DH said this just makes it obvious there's no point in him doing nights because I've ended up being awake anyway. Suffice to say I now feel I can't have a night off because I'm still "on duty" to step up when DH fails to wake up or feed the baby.

Just gonna jump in with a dad's perspective here. The thing is, you see...

...nah. He's an absolute bloody moron. Nobody can call themselves a dad if they can't take care of their kid by themselves for a few hours. If your baby takes a bottle, he has zero excuse for you needing to wake up.

I don't know how people can live with, let alone have babies with these selfish man-children.

Quack seriously? She's had no sleep for 3 months, she's obviously at the end of her tether. Why should she politely ask her lazy git of a husband to, just once, wake up and feed the baby so she can get some rest?

Stop making excuses for these men who act like children!!

VioletCharlotte Maybe she could have spoken to him before it got to this point then. Let him know he will be helping from the beginning, not do it all yourself then complain when he doesn’t do it right according to your own preferences.

Oh, and you clearly haven’t read my comments because I wouldn’t make excuses for men who do nothing because mine doesn’t and I won’t expect anything less. Going to try for a third soon and my partner already knows he will be taking on the house and older two in those first few weeks and then will help in the night if need be. He already wakes to our younger daughter whereas I don’t.

I apologise then but it read as if the bay was left crying. TBH even if he was with his dad it is a long time for a baby to cry when the person with them can't soothe them.

While I don't have children, I did suffer from chronic insomnia for the better part of a decade (I'd be lucky to get two hours' sleep out of 48), so I know what serious long-term sleep deprivation can do to people, mentally, physically and emotionally.

OP, you have my sympathies.

Thinking that a crying hungry baby should be picked up and fed is not her own preferences, it's anyone's preferences, because it's what should happen.

“He hasn't done any laundry in the decade we've lived together -I've only been SAHM for three months but he has always worked long hours and I finished at 5pm so picked up more of the chores. The one time he did laundry he wrecked the clothes. He never cooks, he does wash up and hoover but only at weekends.”

You were --completely insane- very unreasonable to have a baby with this pathetic lazy excuse for a “man”.

More fool you for staying with him and putting up with it.

As a man, who also happens to be a midwife, I think I can categorically say you’re not at all BU. If he doesn’t want to take every opportunity to be a dad, then he’s a tosser. I won’t lie, and say it was easy, especially as DeX was a SAHM, and I worked, but I loved having the chance to be with my children. Getting up in the small hours was nice- it was our time, we could have cuddles and interact all alone.

Unless you are back at work or your husband doesn't work it is unreasonable to expect him to get up in the night. You can nap.during the day, he can't, because he is...You know...at work

Assuming he works Mon to Fri, he can at least do Fri and Sat night feeds. My husband worked M-F and had no problem doing this so I could get 2 full nights sleep a week. He can nap Sat and Sun afternoons if he needs to. Buy him a baby care book, and leave him to it. If he feigns uselessness, tell him you're sure a clever man like him can work it out (you might need to direct him to save your baby distress - do this, be persistent, don't just do it yourself) . DO NOT GIVE IN. Good luck.