To think I've been backed into a corner?

[DippyDiplodocus]

So the story goes:

I'm getting married to my fiancé in September this year.

Getting married at a small hotel. There are a limited amount of rooms which have been reserved for certain special guests I.e bridesmaids, best man and family so we can all have a nice breakfast the morning after the wedding. We wanted this to kind of be an extension of the wedding celebrations but for it to be a little more intimate with a select few special people.

Fast forward to today.

I remind two of my four bridesmaids that the rooms are due for payment soon - this has all been pre arranged and agreed upon by them months and months ago.
They were both happy to pay to stay in the rooms and so I reserved one each for them and put non refundable deposits down on both rooms in order to secure them.

They now mention that they have asked another wedding guest plus her husband, who were not on the list of people who were to stay, if they would like to stay the night in the hotel and join in with the supposed intimate breakfast the next morning. This is the first I have heard of such an offer as I had never intended for the guests in question to stay over with us.

AIBU to be majorly pissed off about this?

Obviously I like the guests but we only wanted a select few with us. I now feel as though I've been backed into a corner and have to offer these people a room because they have been pretty much promised it by the bridesmaids without first consulting me or my fiancé.

Not only that but I've now got to re-jig all the rooms for the guests to accommodate this new couple, which is a ball ache but not impossible.

I just feel really frustrated that this has happened behind my back, five days before the rooms should be finalised. I feel like it's quite rude to just assume that my fiancé and I wouldn't mind so just advised this couple they can have what they like.

For context I'm also 26 weeks pregnant, tired, in pain with SPD, Working full time, did I mention tired, trying to organise the final stuff for the wedding, trying not to stress.... argh!

Are there any other wedding guests staying near to the venue, but not at the actual hotel? If so, could you pass on the alternative hotel's details.

Yes - I provided details of five or six local hotels in the invites for other guests who weren't staying at the venue.

I think some people are being ever-so-slightly cuntish about the breakfast. A few weeks ago, there was a bride moaning that none of her bridesmaids had decorated her room, which I resolutely refuse accept to accept is a ‘thing’. But this very definitely is a thing, especially in a small exclusive-use venue. Loads of people - particularly the men! - used to put on TripAdvisor that the full English was the best bit (we got a special AA award for our brekkies) and nine out of ten groups were there on time, and raring to go. Sure, there was the odd gimlet-faced couple who’d rowed, or that one bloke who pitched up just as everyone finishing, too hungover to manage anything except a small glass of juice. But it’s simply not the case that OP is definitely going to be disappointed. Although I wish they wouldn’t unwrap their presents then. Some do, and it’s as crass as fuck. No-one else gives a shit about those, I grant you.

OK so the BMs want to share. That means you have a spare room to fill - it's not their choice who stays. Choose someone else, tell the BMs you have it sorted.

A few weeks ago, there was a bride moaning that none of her bridesmaids had decorated her room, which I resolutely refuse accept to accept is a ‘thing’.

I've never even heard of this and certainly wouldn't expect it. I'm not going to be in the room for the majority of the day what's the point in decorating it?

OP are you paying for the breakfast? You aren’t paying for the rooms so really you get no day who sleeps in them. That’s between whoever pays for them and the hotel. If you’re paying for the breakfast you can have an invite only situation but otherwise you can’t because paying guests at a hotel are entitled to purchase a breakfast regardless of what other guests are sitting in the dining room.

Honestly I don’t know what it is about getting married that makes some women turn into absolutely self absorbed brats but it really spoils what is supposed to be a happy event. Even for the bride. I mean look how annoyed you are already over this. When you could just decide it doesn’t matter.

I’m Irish, we have a massive family. At weddings we all squeeze into whatever room has space on the floor and if we can’t fit into the dining room to get breakfast we head off somewhere else. There is no “inner circle” bollocks (seriously??)

Hold hard - I’m on your side. You’ll recall I was the one who identified the likely type of venue you’re having, and why you’re not a CF. Some people are talking about never having heard of a large friends and family breakfast the morning after: I’m making a distinction between your breakfast - which I think is absolutely reasonable - and the bride who whined about no-one decorating her hotel suite, which I’d never heard of, and think was almost as loopy as expecting people to wake up in the night and look after her twins.

Just waiting for someone to suggest the breakfast idea is an American import, like baby showers and Black Friday, and they shall be having none of it.

I really don't think you'll care about these two extra people when it actually comes to it. Honestly OP, this isn't the hill to die on at all

Yea I do actually think the bm think they are helping you out. They want to share so either you would have to pay for the empty room or let the hotel know you didn’t need it and possibly lose a deposit and have it rented to strangers? Maybe the other couple have struggled to find somewhere else? They should have asked you before talking to the other couple about it but it’s also possible they thought it was such an insignificant thing to bother you about when you clearly have so much going on. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Don’t let the small things worry you.

If I was one of this other couple I would feel terribly uncomfortable once I went to breakfast and clocked how close a group it was. And if I was them I'd be really pissed off with your bridesmaids for encouraging me to do something that would have both of us uncomfortable. I would feel i was intruding and it would sour the time for me as well

If the rooms reserved do you have someone else who you would want in it instead? In that case I would let them know and tell the bridesmaids that they have to tell the couple to find another room.

Im so sorry for the loss of your d's

I get you @KittyHawke80 - I thought you were on my side of thinking.

Sorry; I thought you were having a go. Apologies. I’m full of hay fever and unable to read nuance at the moment 😊

I totally understand where you are coming from. It changes the dynamic.

If I was this couple, I would come down to breakfast and feel like I was intruding when saw that everyone else was nearest and dearest. I actually think they might appreciate the heads up on this one.

I would say to the bridesmaids, no problem sharing - but you will need the freed up room. Say that you had to tell some other family who had hoped to stay there were no rooms left and would feel awful if they found out that an available room had been given away to someone else.

If you don't feel up to that, then sit this couple at the end of the breakfast table facing BM1 & BM2 so they can entertain them at breakfast.

I would say.

Of course it's fine by me if they stay at the hotel, I'm
Just a bit worried that they would feel awkward in the morning because of the wedding party breakfast

Op, i'll ask again. Did you actually tell anyone of your plan of an ideal intimate breakfast?

It would be massively rude of you to allow anyone who had gone to the expense of purchasing outfits, gifts, hotel room and travel expenses for your wedding to feel uncomfortable at breakfast the next morning.

i think you have a romantic notion of the "morning after" breakfast. which is only going to end with you fed up and disappointed. i can guarantee it.

How arrogant.

OP, I think it is fine for you to say that if the bridesmaids want to share then you will keep the room for someone else close to you.

Sorry @Olicity17 - I must have missed your previous question as there have been so many replies - Yes, they were aware that my partner and I wished for it to just be close family and friends the following morning.

Say that you had to tell some other family who had hoped to stay there were no rooms left and would feel awful if they found out that an available room had been given away to someone else

Perfect solution.

I'm with you - reading your first post I did think there were shades of diva, but on reflection, it sounds like you're just after some lovely, relaxed time with your family and close friends after a full on wedding day. I think anyone who lives away from family and friends would get that - for mine and my sisters' weddings, some of the loveliest memories were from the quiet moments we shared as a family, and they were all the more precious because we all live apart from each other.
I suspect your bridesmaids didn't appreciate how much it meant to you, rather than intentionally being rude. And now you feel that the breakfast won't be quite the way you imagined it, and you feel as if that precious time has been taken away from you. But - those people that you love will still be there, you'll all still be together. The extra couple, if they have any social skills at all, will quickly get the jist of the set up, and will probably either try to keep themselves a little removed, or just pitch in with everyone else. It's not the plan you had in your head, but it will work out fine - the dynamic will just be slightly different. You are not unreasonable to be upset, but try to put it in perspective so that you can enjoy the rest of your wedding.

It would be massively rude of you to allow anyone who had gone to the expense of purchasing outfits, gifts, hotel room and travel expenses for your wedding to feel uncomfortable at breakfast the next morning.

They haven't purchased outfits, I have, they're bridesmaids.
We have specifically said that if the guests are paying for rooms we don't expect gifts. We don't want gifts anyway particularly as we live together already and have need for toasters or pots and pans.
The bridal party are being picked up and taken to the venue.
The room is the only expense for them which they were made aware of when I asked them if they wanted to stay.

They haven't purchased outfits, I have, they're bridesmaids.

Er the couple who are taking the bridesmaids second room?

I think they were referring to your other possible breakfasts guests not bridesmaids

Who on earth would the bridesmaids be uncomfortable at the breakfast? they’re authorised attendees.