Transgender stuff - only on Mumsnet - am I weird?!

[obliviousperson]

The only time I ever read or heard about transgender stuff is on Mumsnet.

I live in London, I travel a lot. As far as I know I know no one who has changed gender. I have never had a transgender issue that has affected me. Not in changing rooms or swimming pools or anywhere.

It is a bigger deal on this website than in my real life. No one I know has had any issues.

Is it hype? I don't understand!!!!

They are all lesbians too and autistic, this is the route for girls who dare to not girl properly.

I read some research recently that said a high proportion of both males and females transitioning are autistic. It is far more common for people on the autism spectrum, but I can't remember the percentages.

OP, up until about 6 months ago I felt the same as you and couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. Then I began reading and thinking about this properly.

This is about men having the right to choose to identify as a woman and therefore be allowed to use female - only spaces. Not just men who may have battled for years feeling they were born the wrong sex, have undergone extensive counselling and began to transition.

This is about any man who wakes up in the morning and decided, today he wants to be a woman. So he now has the right to use the same changing rooms as my teen DD. This seriously scares me.

This is about the same man, who has now decided he's a women, being able to compete against women in sports. How is that ok?

And any women who stand up to these men are subjected to bullying and aggressive behaviour.

I'm glad we have MN as a space where we can talk about what's going on and raise awareness, as we need women to wake up and see what's going on.

Thats strange about the autism statistics as my friend's daughter( who does want to identify as male) was diagnosed as autistic in sixth form and is really clever, but struggles with everyday things. I wonder if there is a connection there?

“ I've never encountered any problems with men identifying as women trying to invade my space and until that day comes - meh!“

My sports club had a transwoman join. The group is mostly 50’s to 80’s and a nice mixed group of both sexes who would never want to offend. One of the women was very upset when this TW entered the female communal showers/changing rooms (old style place) when she was alone there showering. The women also cancelled their annual sport weekend as they didn’t want to deal with the fall out or the possibility of one of them being expected to share a room.

Also have a close friend whose daughter very suddenly decided she was a boy at around 17. Seems her boyfriend/girlfriend since school (who she had supported going mtf) announced they actually liked boys - so my friend’s autistic daughter decided to become a boy - of course the daughter’s now mtf partner wanted real boys - not a girl identifying as a boy. You can only imagine the worry and upset this caused to the families involved. But let’s just let these kids do whatever they want without looking at underlying conditions and mental health issues etc.

@the80sweregreat The gist of the research was that people on the spectrum struggle so much with daily life that they think things might be easier for them as the opposite gender.

I suspect it isn't!

@obliviousperson

In MY life though, not DH's (nursery, mum's coffee mornings, Pilates...).

I laughed out loud at that. It's what we women do, innit? That and creaming. 🤣

Mum's fucking coffee mornings 🤣

Two transwomen talking about "Are transwomen women?"

madamegrizzly, i feel that my conversation with my friend last month might have been recorded ( it wasnt, but you dont know these days!) as my friend said exactly the same thing about her daughter and we said the same about men wanting to become women - being a man or a woman is hard , it must be even harder if you then have to explain to people that were the opposite sex at one time..
I dont know why my friend's daughter feels it will be any better but she knows that she could never be pregnant as the thought of ' growing another human' is alien to her - this could be something to do with her thinking maybe? my friend is devastated as she loved having a daughter and feels a kind of grief about what will happen in the future. which i totally understand. She apparently struggles with the concept that people think she is actually a lesbian - so theres all that to deal with too as she isn't, she likes men.
I wasnt surprised when she told me to be honest , but its still hard to get your head around at times. My sons are much more tolerant and just see it as 'part of life'.

He joked about identifying as a woman so he’d get access to the “women in leadership” coaching materials and promotion schemes...

That's not a joke - it's already happening.

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/trans-teenager-lily-madigan-applies-for-jo-cox-women-s-leadership-scheme-78vs7r2pj

What is your point, obliviousperson?

I haven't come across anything obvious in my real life either, but I have no trouble believing the news reports (in actual mainstream media) about changes to the law and about the concerns regarding children being encouraged to transition from an early age.

I dont know why my friend's daughter feels it will be any better but she knows that she could never be pregnant as the thought of ' growing another human' is alien to her - this could be something to do with her thinking maybe?

What's worrying about this is that someone so young could easily change their mind later - we know that people's ability to reason and to look objectively at the world doesn't mature completely until around age 25. I do worry about the huge surge in teenage girls wanting to transition, and how many will regret it later, especially if hormones (let alone surgery) lead to infertility.

kessetrel, my friend and her family made her wait a few years to make sure she was doing the right thing.
She wanted to start the process at 17 and is now early 20s and feels the same. however, there is a huge wait for all this to actually start as she can't afford to go to a private clinic or anything that might speed up the process for her and she also wants her eggs to be frozen so that holds it up even more - its a lifestyle choice and not seen as priority, which is understandable, but still horrible for the person living in the wrong body to have to live in limbo.
its not as common for female to male either i believe, so maybe an older male would be more of a priority? not sure what the waiting lists are but it seems very long.

80s Google: autism and gender dysmorphia. There's lots online, but I couldn't see the article I read (which may have been by Tony Attwood).

It isn’t even just about safe spaces, sports etc. It is also about statistics and research. How do you know about the equal pay gap? Lack of female representation in loads of things? Differing life expectancy? Differing rates of crime? Different effects of drugs on males/females? The fact that boys perform worse in school? Rates of sexual harassment? It is all based on accurate collation and processing of statistics. Everyone uses statistics to plan services, decide on efficacy of drugs, ensure safety etc. So much of this can be rendered meaningless.

madame, i will. My friend has done a lot of reading too. i do feel sorry for her though, its been hard for her to tell people as there is a lot of judging to contend with.

I know of a young teen going through transition. So no, not just on MN

I know one transgender woman through work and there's a boy in my daughters class in school who has confided in her that he thinks he may be transgender

I live in a small Devonshire town and I know 3 transgender male to females also in our primary school there's a transgender child( year 1) male to female , I don't think it's just on mumsnet that's for sure.

my friend and her family made her wait a few years to make sure she was doing the right thing.
She wanted to start the process at 17 and is now early 20s and feels the same.

My worry though is that people think ‘if only I was male/female/taller/thinner/paler/darker/had straight hair/had curly hair then everything will be better and I won’t feel so depressed’.
Changing the clothes you wear and your name will do nothing on it’s own.

OP, not sure what you point really is here. Are you implying that the issue is being overblown?

I've never met a trans person either. Nor has it been discussed at work. However I can see that its proliferation across the media and the way in which it is being taught (and pushed) in schools is going to have a big effect in future. When I was at school there were no trans kids. There is probably not a secondary school in the country that does not have one or more trans kids today. The explosion of kids identifying as trans should be of concern to anyone.

And your own kids, once they hit secondary school, will be subject to all sorts of pressures and questioning whether or not they are in the "wrong body" will be one of them. Whether or not you and your DH has heard a celeb talking about trans will be neither here nor there.

Coming soon to an election near you...
mexiconewsdaily.com/news/oaxaca-candidates-arent-transgender-after-all/

Yes and they also jump on every bandwagon going No they don't. They jump on the causes that will help get them publicity without having to get their hands too dirty, or without having to worry about any repercussions.

They just want to further their careers without hassle.

All those saying they don't care, let's hope you don't start caring when it's too late.

simon, i do agree with you up to a point - there were people around that wanted to be different years ago, but it was all pushed away and frowned upon and went underground i suppose. thats why my other friend's husband didnt do anything about his feelings till he was mid 40s- by which time the damage to his own children and ex wife were done, it can ruin lives. maybe its better to know in your early 20s and not do as society thinks you should do then go around making other people miserable by trying to 'conform' to the norm? i am not explaining it very well, but having more understanding and help at a younger age might actually be for the good in the long run at least?
I would hate to think its being ' pushed' at school though - i cant see what they would achieve, your either happy in the body your in or you are not - but maybe i am seeing it in very black and white terms!

I wished i was thinner, didnt have such curly awkward hair and could wear high heels and more of a sense of style, but there isnt any way in the world i want to be a male, no more than my dh would ever want to be female.
My friend said her own daughter is going to make her own life harder, you don't just do this on a whim - I struggle to understand it all and i feel sorry for families going through it all with them as well. none of it is very easy.