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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Transgender stuff - only on Mumsnet - am I weird?!

174 replies

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 22:34

The only time I ever read or heard about transgender stuff is on Mumsnet.

I live in London, I travel a lot. As far as I know I know no one who has changed gender. I have never had a transgender issue that has affected me. Not in changing rooms or swimming pools or anywhere.

It is a bigger deal on this website than in my real life. No one I know has had any issues.

Is it hype? I don't understand!!!!

OP posts:

Ohmydayslove · 09/05/2018 23:35

Maybe cash in the attic? or shed of the year?? Although both those a tad clossetty to be as innocent as the op.

Got to b pet rescue

Travelledtheworld · 09/05/2018 23:36

I know an older man who was once married and has children has gender changed and become a woman and is in a lesbian relationship. Don't understand this at all, but they are happy.

Original poster

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 23:36

No Squirrels It truly isn't a big deal. In fact the managers are as "huh?" as I am about it.

People who are involved think it is a big deal everywhere. It isn't.

OP posts:

Juells · 09/05/2018 23:36

My concerns are rather more about things like: women's sport (even though I don't like sport much myself).

A poster on another thread (the 'feminism has gone too far' one I think) who is a rugby player was just discussing the serious injuries suffered on her team because of a transwoman on the other team.

NoSquirrels · 09/05/2018 23:38

In fact the managers are as "huh?" as I am about it

So it is discussed then?

MsAwesomeDragon · 09/05/2018 23:38

I live in a large Northern town and work in a much smaller town.

I know 2 transgender pupils at my school (secondary). That has caused issues when arranging residential trips, new policies had to be written. Luckily, the pupils, their parents and their peers were able to come to an agreement they were all happy with (they shared with friends of the same sex, but not now the same gender, as that's what everyone was happiest with). It has also caused issues with changing for PE and which toilets they should use. Luckily, our school has plenty of single cubicle, accessible toilets and self contained accessible changing facilities, and the transgender young people were happy to use those rather than the communal facilities, if they hadn't been happy with that solution (or if we didn't already have the facilities) we would have needed to find an alternative solution which balanced the needs of everyone in the school.

I also know a transwoman in her fifties. She only came out as transgender a year or so ago, and it has caused massive, massive issues within her family. Her adult children have had terrible difficulty getting their heads round it, and her wife (now ex) was absolutely devastated by the change in the partner she'd loved and lived with for so many years. The personality change was the biggest issue for her family as far as any of us on the outside can tell, she went from being a shy, unassuming man to a brash woman obsessed with make up and clothing.

I am also aware of 3 other people I have known at various points in my life who now identify as transgender. So it's not just on MN that this is an issue, it's real life too.

felicitythemangyfox · 09/05/2018 23:38

In have met a couple of transgender women (though work and hobbies). Never been negatively affected by the issue. (I'm in London)

SimonBridges · 09/05/2018 23:38

The majority of our bathrooms have been changed to unisex - they are just stalls with communal sinks.
Out of interest are there sani bins in every stall? Do men have to suffer them getting in the bloody way too?

NoSquirrels · 09/05/2018 23:39

People who are involved think it is a big deal everywhere. It isn't.

But yes, we can agree on this. As per my original post, I think people in general don’t know & don’t care to know.

Original poster

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 23:40

NoSquirrels My point is these celebs are everywhere, daily TV and papers. They never mention it because it is not an issue. Only on Mumsnet in our lives is it a big deal.

If I didn't post here (and I only do because I surfed on in with a breastfeeding question once) I wouldn't have had any idea there was any debate at all.

And I DO NOT have a sheltered life!

OP posts:

WomaninGreen · 09/05/2018 23:41

OP because it's a taboo subject

That makes it even less likely to be discussed at big events and more likely to be discussed on the Internet.

SimonBridges · 09/05/2018 23:41

My point is these celebs are everywhere, daily TV and papers. They never mention it because it is not an issue.

So something is only an issue if it is mentioned by ‘celebs’?

Bitchywaitress · 09/05/2018 23:42

The problems only exist in the internet. Trans women who pass have been largely accepted by real women (I refuse to use the Cis word) while using bathrooms etc. Real women generally don't want the trans women to be at risk of violence if they have to use men's bathrooms.

However the problems started when the TRAs and MRAs started insisting on more and more, including that we all accept them as real women and claim they have the right (not the courtesy) to our spaces.

Ohmydayslove · 09/05/2018 23:43

We were in the Cotswolds last weekend and saw 2 men clearly dressed as women. Bloody great legs mind but clearly men.

WomaninGreen · 09/05/2018 23:43

In general, I do agree that the majority of people don't know about it

That makes it a bigger problem if it affects equality legislation - few people know, so the laws can be altered without much protest.

Original poster

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 23:43

NoSquirrels "So it is discussed then?"

Only because I brought it up (because of reading here).

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 09/05/2018 23:44

Celebs discuss a) their own self-promotion b) their pet charities c) scandals they’re unwittingly involved in. They’re micro-managed by PR agencies to the highest degree.

You know this - you work with them/in current affairs.

Original poster

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 23:44

SimonBridges Oh don't be silly, I'm talking about exposure.

OP posts:

MipMipMip · 09/05/2018 23:46

Wimbledon if I'm lucky no trans women is going to come into my life in a way that affects me (I don't mean using the same toilets etc). But that's because I'm not one of the most vulnerable women in society. I don't expect to use a refuge. It would be a big deal to those users. I have no plans to end up in prison - sharing a wing, or worse a cell, with a sex offender who has newly changed gender (this is happening - I'm not scaremongering) could certainly have a negative effect. I hope never to be raped, so I'm unlikely to use a rape centre at a time when I'm terrified of men.

These people are likely to be the least engaged politically. They are typically the poorest in society, too busy wondering how they will feed their kids to think about these issues. In that situation they have too many other things happening to always advocate for themselves. They are going to be having a terrible terrible time and then find it's made all the worse.

Those are the people I speak for. Because it's unlikely they can.

Original poster

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 23:46

NoSquirrels Yes and they also jump on every bandwagon going. Believe me, they have no opinion or they would be on it to get publicity, bad or good.

OP posts:

Mogleflop · 09/05/2018 23:47

I wouldn't discuss it in real life, no one in their right mind who values their career would. Look at the vitriol you get online for saying something like "but what about women's sports?"

(Also this is a very good stealth boast thread, well done for that )

WomaninGreen · 09/05/2018 23:48

Simon - yes there are sani bins in every stall.

The men aren't happy with the arrangement either. it's pretty much become that women don't use the unisex though so in a way men kind of have their own....but a male colleague said to me "I hate the thought that I could emerge from the cubicle and find our boss at the sink".

Typically the men have done better because it's majority unisex.

NoSquirrels · 09/05/2018 23:49

Heard of Ricky Gervais, OP? He has an opinion on it..,

TinselAngel · 09/05/2018 23:50

I didn't know any trans people IRL until it transpired I was married to one.

There but for the grace of god, etc etc.

Original poster

obliviousperson · 09/05/2018 23:50

Mogleflop good point. Maybe it is the elephant in the room.

In MY life though, not DH's (nursery, mum's coffee mornings, Pilates...).

Why stealth boast? Because of DH's job? It takes him way for 60% of the year. Not good and nothing to boast about!

OP posts:

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