Feeding children things they don't like

[Theanimalsoffarthingwood]

I find my 10 year old very fussy when it comes to eating fruit and veg.

He will eat a couple of types of fruit, raw carrots, occasionally some cucumber and veg with a roast dinner and that's about it.

The type of foods I make fresh mid week are different kinds of pasta dishes, chilli, bolognese, lasagne, fajitas, different stir frys, pizzas topped with veg, casseroles, baked spuds with salad, fish chips and peas, curry. Things like that really.

He moans about any type of veg in these dishes and just picks at it or won't eat it.

We have a couple of nights where we have something like fish fingers mash and beans, or freezer food with beans, and he will eat that.

It's got to the point where I dread telling him what is for dinner because he moans and groans. I don't feel for example, that I can make a stir fry mid week because ds won't like it. So it ends up being a weekend treat for me and dh.

I feel that at 10 he should be more open to eating different things. Surely I shouldn't feel guilty for making a chilli, which is a fairly bog standard dish?

I'm sort of thinking maybe I should just give him whatever and if he doesn't eat it tough luck.

A lot of the things you’ve mentioned are sauces, is it the texture that puts him off?

From personal experience I’d say don’t make a fuss and don’t push him to eat something he doesn’t want to, just keep offering him the same thing you’re having, he won’t starve.

I'm not sure, I've asked him, he just says he doesn't like it.

It's not just sauces, he won't eat salad, he won't eat veg on its own on the side. He won't even eat a bit of veg on a pizza.

I understand that we all have things we don't like, but I feel like his list is getting longer and he's restricting what the entire family eat.

Blend veg into the sauce he won't have a clue

In my house we have the options for dinner each night.

1. Eat it.
2. Go hungry.

My four year old knows they can pick out the bits they do like if it's a dish they really really hate. Unless it's a SEN issue, he should get over it. Dislikes veg in story try, eat the noodles and meat. Chilli is mostly meat. As long as some meals are Ines he likes,e can chose his own bits from the meat you provide.

Have a google of the Division of Responsibility by Ellen Salter. There is also a mealtime hostage facebook group which follows these principles. Essentially, YANBU. But there are provisos e.g. there should be 'safe' food included that he should eat e.g. my daughter won't eat stir fried veg but will eat the noodles we have with it so just has that. She won't eat chilli but will eat rice or garlic bread with eat. You leave food in bowls or pans for them to help themselves so she will sometimes pick out the veg that she likes most. But yes, no special catering beyond that.

Maybe try batch cooking stuff from freezer and then cutting out the fish finger style foods for few months?

How do you react to it? Could he be doing it to get a response or exert some control?

Could you involve him in the cooking, he might be more inclined to eat something he’s helped to cook.

Sounds very similar to my DS who is ten as well. He wouldn't eat chilli con carne either!

To be honest, I cook him things I know he will eat...I don't want to cook food only for it to be thrown away, it's such a waste. Or if I make something, I'll customise his. So, let's say I'm doing a stir fry, I'll use a mini frying pan to cook the meat/veg that I know he'll eat and do the rest in a big pan so we're eating roughly the same sort of thing!

My 8yo doesn't like most cooked veg. So we do him raw veg and he eats the parts of the meal that he does like. If we're having something like stir fry where that doesn't work, then he has leftovers from the freezer, or beans on toast etc

I feel your pain. My DS is th same. He is now 16 and still the same. More restrictive if anything. It drives me mad. I get so bored with our meals. DH wants to meal plan every week to do a shopping list and it’s the same meal plan pretty much every week. Or we end up eating different meals to him.

Won’t eat Shepard’s pie or stew or chilli or curry. Will just about eat spaghetti Bol. Will eat lasagna. Freshly made only - can’t reheat leftovers. Won’t eat fish fingers or sausages. Will eat bacon. Will eat pizza - margarita or pepperoni. Nothing green on it. No veg. Will eat cucumber. I count ketchup as a vegetable! Used to eat peas. Won’t now. A roast dinner will be meat, potatoes, a spoonful of sweet corn which he won’t eat and ketchup. If we do Mexican he will have nachos - just cheese. Chicken fajitas he will have plain chicken in a tortilla with sour cream, cheese and ketchup.

I despair. And get so annoyed. But cannot get him to change.

My nearly 10 year old wouldn't eat most of those meals either.

DD was v fussy. Didn't like pizza, pasta bakes, bol, chilli, went of gravies and lots of sauces. Eventually I realised she didn't like cooked tomato. As she got older she liked cheese sauces, creamy sauces and stsrted trying a much wider variety getting incrementally better past the age of 11/12.
She still doesn't like cooked tomato.

My mother was very controlling and interfering with food. I am a recovered anorexic.

mine don't have the choice, and complaining only means the cupboard get empty of treats, so they cannot refuse to eat something to binge on other things later. I am not making the menus based on fuss. I don't care if they don't like vegetables, they need to eat them and menus are usually one meat/or fish and 1 veg.

You could start preparing diner with him at the weekend, then let him in charge of diner at least once a week when he's comfortable in the kitchen. Kids are much less fussy when they prepare the food and you give them responsibility of a healthy meal.

We have a "take it or leave it" policy here too.

I try to avoid things that anyone really and truly loathes, but I only cook one main meal a day- and I make no guarantees that each of us will love it every single day.

TBH I think you're giving him too much airtime. I couldn't be arsed with listening to one of mine whinging every day. I really don't care that much. I cook it, I serve it. Whatever you do with it after that is up to you.

I have spent 12 years trying to get our child to eat other foods but I've now admitted defeat and if we are having something I know he doesn't like them i adapt his meal to something he will eat

I've given up.

I try to just ignore it. I'd say we're having chilli I'll give him loads of rice, a tiny bit of chilli and try to give him hardly any veg in it. Then I try to persuade him to just eat half.

I can't pinpoint his fussiness, he loves spaghetti and meatballs and that tomato based, but I use passata so it has no veg really. But I can't blend every dish to hide the veg.

He won't eat veg raw or cooked.

He'd live on cheese sandwiches, apples and pepperoni pizza if I let him.

Getting him to help prepare the food makes no difference either.

I'm sort of thinking maybe I should just give him whatever and if he doesn't eat it tough luck.

Do it.

Then I try to persuade him to just eat half. stop doing this, just give him a normal portion and don’t say anything, if he picks at it just say cheerily “just eat the bits you want and leave the bits you don’t” but obviously there’s no pudding or fun snacks later on if he’s hungry, only fruit or veg.

My fussy child is now 15 and is gradually getting better. I do tend to cook things that he'll eat, because I dislike cooking and have no interest in making food that won't get eaten. I'll adapt meals for him if I can do it simply - for example if we are having spaghetti with a sauce he'll eat his pasta plain with grated cheese. We eat a lot of salad, peas and French beans because those are the only veg he will reliably eat.

Like a lot of fussy kids he dislikes sauces and mixed-together foods (with some exceptions - he will eat chilli and paella). He is gradually getting more adventurous - we have a good local Japanese restaurant and he will now eat most of the menu. In some ways it is easier to get him to try dishes I don't make at home (like sushi) because he has fewer preconceptions.

At home I tend to cook things that he'll eat, because I dislike cooking and have no interest in making food thSometimes I'll adapt the meal for him if I can do it simply - for example if we are having spaghetti with a sauce he'll eat his pasta plain with grated cheese.

OP does he eat any? My DS is very fussy and has about 5 different dishes he will eat but no sauce or butter or cheese so no chilli, spag bol, gravy, dry pasta and rice only and he doesn't like potatoes of any kind either.

People who say if they don't eat it just say they go hungry really don't get it. My DS will happily go hungry. He doesn't care. He is very low in weight bordering on underweight so I am not prepared to leave him without a meal when there are things he will eat but as he gets older I am getting more frustrated with him.

This is a tough one and I suspect you’re caught between not wanting to pander and just wanting to have a relaxed family dinner.

Personally I don’t agree with turning meals into a battleground so would be tempted to serve deconstructed meals making sure there’s at least one thing on the table he’ll eat. So on stir fry night serve noodles in one bowl, meat in another, veggies in another. Everyone helps themselves. You could try a reward if he tries some veg like a bit of extra pocket money or a desert but in a take it or leave it relaxed way. And give him a multi vitamin so he doesn’t get scurvy. Getting him involved in cooking is a good idea too- ask him to plan and prepare a meal of his choice, even if it’s pizza one night a week.

I'm absolutely not in the 'camp' of eat it or else.

My son was infuriating aged 8-12 re refusing to eat any vegetable.

Rather than force him to eat something he hated - I made sure I made meals that could be eaten whether you liked veg or not.

Now? as an adult he has a more varied diet than me - loves onions, peppers, mushrooms etc. Please don't force your children, or deny them food, if they genuinely don't like. The chances are once they mature they'll try different foods x

I don't really understand this mindset.

I wouldn't cook something for an adult that I know they don't like, so I wouldn't do it to a child.

When I was a child I ate no veg - it made me gag. I was very fussy. I actually started to choose things as I got older - much of it what I wasn’t offered at home.
I eat everything now. DD is quite fussy, I don’t push it, it improves slowly all the time. I’d rather she liked the things she ate than being forced.
The things I was ‘forced’ to eat as a child I won’t touch now!

Deconstructed meals (great description!) were out mainstay for many years with 3 kids with v different food preferences. Very little more work, we had a repertoire of meals that worked well. Everyone ate, no one went hungry or got upset.