Feeding children things they don't like

[Theanimalsoffarthingwood]

I find my 10 year old very fussy when it comes to eating fruit and veg.

He will eat a couple of types of fruit, raw carrots, occasionally some cucumber and veg with a roast dinner and that's about it.

The type of foods I make fresh mid week are different kinds of pasta dishes, chilli, bolognese, lasagne, fajitas, different stir frys, pizzas topped with veg, casseroles, baked spuds with salad, fish chips and peas, curry. Things like that really.

He moans about any type of veg in these dishes and just picks at it or won't eat it.

We have a couple of nights where we have something like fish fingers mash and beans, or freezer food with beans, and he will eat that.

It's got to the point where I dread telling him what is for dinner because he moans and groans. I don't feel for example, that I can make a stir fry mid week because ds won't like it. So it ends up being a weekend treat for me and dh.

I feel that at 10 he should be more open to eating different things. Surely I shouldn't feel guilty for making a chilli, which is a fairly bog standard dish?

I'm sort of thinking maybe I should just give him whatever and if he doesn't eat it tough luck.

Yes you can hide veg in lots of things. Do blended veg in batches, put it in IceCube trays. Pop one out into every sauce/stew you make. Put it in the meatball mix. Frozen isn’t ideal, but it’s far better than nothing, and will likely normalise the taste for him.

I’m waaay tougher than you, though. I insist on my DD eating a small serve of things she doesn’t much like, a few times a week. Learning this is an essential life skill, that goes beyond healthy eating or manners. Only a mum will cater specifically to her child, and you won’t be around forever. I figure it’s my job to prepare her for the wide world, and the wide world doesn’t give a fig for fussy eaters.

Also, tastes change over childhood, so how will he (or you) know whether his tastes have grown to include more things, if you never insist on him trying them regularly?

Sorry, but anyone past the age of 5 who started whinging about my dinner plan would get a banana and an early bedtime. Every night until they got the message. It’s massively disrespectful to you.

Pinky you may not understand it.

Children are not adults are they? We have to make all sorts of decisions on their behalf every day.

I wouldn't choose clothes for an adult, or tell them what time to go to bed, or to brush their teeth.

My 10 year old isn't capable of making anywhere near good enough food choices. He also isn't capable of going shopping and cooking all of his own meals.

I have myself and other people in my household to consider. So although I don't want to force my son to eat things he genuinely doesn't like, I simply don't have the time to cook him separate meals every day.

Just to give you all some hope for the future! My DS was super fussy about only wanting “plain food” so anything with a sauce was out. He didn’t even like separate parts of his meal touching each other. He was one of the fussiest eaters on earth! He got to about 20 and it was a complete change. I think he himself got bored with such limited food and now he will try anything once. He eats a huge range of foods now. And he is even more tolerant than me now, in that if he gets invited for dinner and doesn’t like the meal he can still eat it out of politeness whereas I would struggle. It does get better!

Cushioncover I think that is good advice.

Sorry, but anyone past the age of 5 who started whinging about my dinner plan would get a banana and an early bedtime. Every night until they got the message. It’s massively disrespectful to you

I disagree. As adults we don't cook ourselves meals we wouldn't enjoy and then force ourselves to eat them or go hungry. We cook things we enjoy and maybe occasionally try a new dish. They are not doing it to be disrespectful they are doing it because they believe they don't like the food.

Food shouldnt be used as a reward or a punishment.

My son wouldn't eat the banana anyway and would be quite happy with the early bedtime as he would get more time for reading and get out of eating.

I try and make sure everyone is happy, without going crazy.

The way I see it, is this. I wouldn’t eat something I hated, so why am I going to force my children to do the same?

I grew up with the ‘eat this or go without’

Guess what? I went without.

Just out of interest, those that do that, are your children less fussy and eat all their veg because of this? Just wondering.

I have very strong views on this subject. You wouldn't like it if someone forced you to eat something they knew you didn't like, so why would you do it to a child? It's abusive IMO.

I'm all for encouraging DC to try different and varied foods, but not forcing them to eat things they've tried and don't like. My DS used to be a very fussy eater but now has an extremely varied diet and loves trying new foods from different countries etc.

It's all well saying it's abusing and bla bla, but I could say it's abusive to allow your child to become malnourished and unhealthy.

I don't force ds to eat anything but if I only cooked what he wanted he would live on bread, chips, cheese, sweets.

Even Jamie Oliver couldn't prepare a healthy meal from those ingredients.

I genuinely think a lot of it is about control, children don’t get to control much of what happens in their lives but they can control what they do and don’t eat.

They get a fantastic reaction from their parents, so they push it by adding more foods to the won’t eat list.

Very few children will actually starve themselves, and obviously at that point medical advice should be sought, but most kids won’t be harmed by missing a meal or two, and once they realise they aren’t going to get a reaction they’ll start eating normally, especially if you don’t make a fuss about them eating previously disliked foods so they don’t lose face.

Children will not starve themselves. When my children were small I cooked one plain meal at teatime. If they were hungry they ate it. If a child refuses food, apart from any significant behavioural issues, then they are just not hungry at the time the food is offered. Adjust the timing. If they are hungry they will eat.

I'm trying to find a balance between forcing him to eat things and writing off 20+ dishes because he 'hates them'.

As others have said, if I make a stir fry, he could just eat the noodles and chicken. If I make a pasta dish he could pick out the pasta.

Crossposf with cushion cover. Completely agree.

Obviously if a child will only eat 3 food items there is an issue, but if they're just 'fussy', yes it's annoying but you just have to cater to it IMO.

You could be right cushioncover the more stressed I seem to get the more foods go on the list he doesn't like.

It is a tricky one. You want your DC to be getting enough nutrition from enough of a range of food groups - and you also don't want them to grow into whiny, precious, self-obsessed adults who can't eat a meal socially because they 'don't like' so many foods and aren't prepared to eat them out of courtesy. Unfortunately, I think it's possible that forcing DC to eat disliked food may be a factor in causing the tiresome-as-fuck adult 'fussy' eater.

Well cal right now ds has pretty much written off all veg

What would you suggest?

Children will starve themselves if they don’t like the food.

I hated mealtimes. It was always what they wanted, and it was horrible. So I barely ate.

I always wonder if my anorexia as a teen was down to that.

Anyway. Here we’ll cook pizza, for example, and the kids have them plain, we put tonnes of toppings on. If we have spaghetti bolognase, I blend the sauce for the kids so no ‘veg’ (but there is) and we’d have it normal.

So we eat the same stuff, but I tweak it here and there.

I hated food growing up, massive issues as a teen. You wouldn’t think it now, I eat anything. So I’m confident my kids will eventually eat anything too one day, minus any anxiety issues around food.

@Theanimalsoffartingwood

I'd suggest continually introducing different vegetables and presenting/serving them in different ways. What worked with DS was letting him try some more obscure vegetables that he'd never heard of.

I agree with CalF123
Why should anyone eat something they truly dislike? You wouldn’t so why should your child.

People who say just cater to it.

If you had a guest for dinner then yes you would cater for them, but if you had another adult staying with you long term I don't believe that anyone would pander to this level of fussiness day in day out.

If you can harden yourself and let him miss a few meals, I'd lay a substantial bet that he'll eat what you give him. We are so lucky to have enough nourishing food to give our children. They need to learn that too.

Most children grow out of it in time. I won't eat food I don't like so I don't expect others to either.

@PatisserieDeBayeux

What utter nonsense. Just because we have "enough nourishing food", no-one should have a choice in what they eat?

I'd also lay a substantial bet that the DC's school and social services would be interested in "letting him miss a few meals."

Exactly, I wonder if people during rationing could be so picky. Or people in other countries where god is scarce.

Yes we all have things that we genuinely dislike, but my sons list is so long I believe he's being ridiculous.

Honestly, I only cook what I know the kids will eat. They are both fairly picky, but it doesn't bother me as I am the same, so I can't really moan.