Feeding children things they don't like

[Theanimalsoffarthingwood]

I find my 10 year old very fussy when it comes to eating fruit and veg.

He will eat a couple of types of fruit, raw carrots, occasionally some cucumber and veg with a roast dinner and that's about it.

The type of foods I make fresh mid week are different kinds of pasta dishes, chilli, bolognese, lasagne, fajitas, different stir frys, pizzas topped with veg, casseroles, baked spuds with salad, fish chips and peas, curry. Things like that really.

He moans about any type of veg in these dishes and just picks at it or won't eat it.

We have a couple of nights where we have something like fish fingers mash and beans, or freezer food with beans, and he will eat that.

It's got to the point where I dread telling him what is for dinner because he moans and groans. I don't feel for example, that I can make a stir fry mid week because ds won't like it. So it ends up being a weekend treat for me and dh.

I feel that at 10 he should be more open to eating different things. Surely I shouldn't feel guilty for making a chilli, which is a fairly bog standard dish?

I'm sort of thinking maybe I should just give him whatever and if he doesn't eat it tough luck.

Luckily they both love all veg and fruit though. Its fresh meats and such I have issues with. DD will eat turkey dinosaurs, but will not eat proper turkey. Stuff like that.

I can categorically tell you that social services would not be interested in my son missing his tea because he refused his chilli con carni.

That's a completely irrelevant comparison because we don't live during rationing. That's like saying would vegetarians eat meat if veg didn't exist. It does, so it's irrelevant.

We don't but my point is, there is a difference between genuinely disliking something, and fussiness.

I think it's okay for kids to have specific vegetables they don't like and you don't have to make them eat those. But if he's objecting to all vegetables, that's not okay. He has to learn to eat some, even if he doesn't like them, because he needs the vitamins and the fibre and so on. Explain that what we eat isn't just about what we enjoy but what we need. Tell him that the expectation is that everyone, including him, will have to eat some vegetables, say five nights out of seven. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it does have to be some. No moaning. The other two nights, he gets to pick what he wants.

•children will starve themselves if they don't like the food•. Rubbish. If they are given a regular variety of healthy options, they will eat •some• of it. No child will starve themselves unless they are given worms three times a day.

just do it then. he is 10 though. My 5 year old would be able to sneak down in the night and grab herself a bowl of cereal or some bread. won't he just do that? i would

anything like that is turning things into a battle ground and making food a bigger issue than it is. When I make chilli my DS has rice and meatballs. I cook it at the same time but present it without sauce for him. I do a plain vegetable that he likes on the side. It's no extra work really and he gets a nutritous meal

I was a fussy eater and my parents never pandered to me. I turned out fine. My Mom's theory in hindsight is that I had difficulty tasting food due to ear, eye, throat issues and so texture became what I noticed first about food. Butter, margarine, sauce, cooked mushrooms and onions were disgusting to me. I love everything now :-)

I do the 'eat what you like and leave what you don't' method. And complaining gets punished. They don't tend to complain because they don't have to eat it. I do avoid certain dishes because my DD hates cheese. So no lasagne for instance. We do pasta with sauce and cheese on the side for those who want it instead.

I think eating veg is pretty important. My friends came up with putting out a tray of uncooked vegetables and dip half an hour before the meal. More often than not, the kids wolf down vegetables when they smell the food because they are getting hungry :-) It totally works!

Calf 123. Social services would see that nourishing food was being supplied daily. No action required.

@PatisserieDeBayeux

Nope. They would see that the parent is deliberately depriving the child of food, which is abusive and therefore, a criminal offence.

I have a great eater and a fussy eater. I cook one meal and that's what there is. I try and make sure about every third night's meal is something the fussy eater likes but other than that they are expecting to eat what is cooked. She is a bit younger so we do marbles in or out of jar depending on how well she does. I explain to her that it's my job to make sure she eats foods that are good for her, not just one she likes and that she doesn't have to love it but she does have to try it.

Meal times can be such a power struggle between kids and parents and it's important
not to enter into games or pander too much as the problem is likely to just continue and worsen. Of course children can have foods they dislike and as long as it a genuine dislike it is reasonable to allow them to avoid the foods. My good eater dislikes mushrooms but because I know how good an eater he is i know it is a genuine dislike. Refusing entire food groups is more about eating behaviour than genuine likes and dislikes.

And calf123 schools/social services wouldn't bat an eyelid at a parent trying to ensure their child develops good eating habits, even if that means they don't get a full dinner every night. I work in nutrition and what's far more concerning is the increasing number of children who have unbalanced diets made up of processed foods and significantly lacking in fresh fruit and veg all because "it's all they'll eat". It's only all they will eat if it's all you give them. Developing your children's eating habits is not just about the meal that day, it's about the long term habits they develop and making sure they have a varied diet so their palate doesn't become too limited.

User 467 talking sense. Of course no parent should stand over a child and force them to eat something that's making them gag. Offer a wide variety of healthy food and they will eat some of it. And if on a particular day they're not so hungry, don't panic and feed them crisps to keep them going.

Abusive to not pander to fussiness. I’ve heard everything now.

Obviously I don’t force food down my kids throat, and I don’t deliberately feed them the (few) things they don’t like, but I’m not living on beige food for 10 years, or cooking two meals, because they ‘hate’ some vegetable that tastes of nothing.

It’s take it or leave it in my house. Maybe it’s easier because my husband is Korean and Korean food is more like a bunch of side dishes together so they can just eat what they like.

@ThisIsTheFirstStep

It's not about "pandering to fussiness". It's about children being supported and nurtured to develop their own individual likes and, yes, dislikes. Your "take it or leave it" attitude does sound quite dictatorial and controlling tbh.

cal What am I controlling? I work, my husband works, we don’t have time to make 80 different things on the off-chance my kids might like it. They’re allowed to dislike stuff, as I said, I don’t make things I know they hate, but if they suddenly decide they don’t like mushroom, onion, cheese or whatever, I’m not changing their meal.

They eat most everything anyway.

I explain to my DD (also 10) why we eat certain foods and what they do for us. Give us energy, vitamins etc. Can you explain to yours that if he wants his body to work well, he has to give it correct fuel? Make it logical, discuss with him what he wants to eat, maybe teach him how to make it? It sounds like he's switched off from food a bit. My dd made her own dinner the other night, grilled halloumi, boiled rice, raw red pepper and humous. She was beaming with pride.

In general, I found with all four, they are a bit tight and fussy at 10 but loosen up a lot by 16.

In our house we say 'eat a little for health'.

Give a choice at the table so he's getting a say in what goes on his plate.

Let him serve himself, so it might only be a single carrot, or single tiny spoonful of something.

They bend eventually. When the hunger of a growing boy overtakes him, he'll eat everything!

". It's about children being supported and nurtured to develop their own individual likes and, yes, dislikes."

And how are kids supposed to develop their own genuine likes and dislikes if you only cook the same 3 beige meals on rotation because they decided, as a matter of principle, to not eat anything that looks "different"?

Also, what about the expectation that women have nothing better to do than cook three or four different meals a night? Don't forget the number of men who insist that their partners cater specially for them, or never cook but moan about what's been cooked...

There are a few foods my dc utterly despise and while they may be on the table from time to time, I don't push it - fortunately they like a variety of things so not a major issue. Our meal choices are restricted enough because, out of necessity, there's never any cheese in the house!

I must say though, I wouldn't have eaten chilli con carne at 10 (I couldn't tolerate chilli at all until my late teens, it just cause immense pain even when mild).

They bend eventually. When the hunger of a growing boy overtakes him, he'll eat everything!

Not necessarily.

And if you force him to eat foods he doesn't like he won't suddenly decide they're delicious. He'll start dreading mealtimes.

Some negativity on this thread. No child should be 'forced' to eat. I don't know of any parents who do that. Offering a wide variety of healthy food wiil have the required result.

wow your situation sounds exactly like mine! I was going out of my mind with wondering what i could and couldnt cook for that evening!
In the end I had enough - i now go shopping once a week, they both give me any "requests" for what they would like during the week - if they say they dont mind then i make a meal plan, put it up for them to see and i dont change it.
If DS then decides he doesn't fancy what i'm cooking that night after all then either him or DP cooks something else for him - i refuse to play the game anymore.

I don't think anybody really knows the solution to picky eating.

Ridiculous to accuse me of being abusive because I won't serve him beige food day in day out. I have not got the time nor money to cook different meals for everybody. Plus if I start serving ds beige food his younger brother, who isn't fussy will start copying him.

Appreciate all the sensible suggestions. I like the idea of putting some veg out while dinner is cooking.

I'm sick of all this blaming parents for everything and accusations of food issues. I don't force feed my children, but I offer a variety of meals to the best of my ability, I always mix it up to include meals I know he loves, and I always include at least one type of veg.

Honestly we are such a pampered bunch of people in the UK. Sure it's fine to have a few things you really don't like, but bollox does anyone not like a single bloody vegetable, and even if you don't, tough, we need them.

I've tried talking to him about health and nutrition, I've tried cooking with him, it doesn't work.

There's a different between forcing them to eat, which I don't do. And saying "this is the meal plan for the week, it includes dishes with vegetables, like it or lump it".

I'm not going to force feed him, but if I do a stir fry and he won't even eat the noodles from it, what am I supposed to do?