Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never missed a bedtime, am I weird

139 replies

puzzled90 · 09/05/2018 21:02

DC is 2 and I have only missed 1 bath time and bedtime and that was because I was ill. Dh has missed many a bath and bedtime as 1. He works a variety of shifts, and 2. He goes out a lot, especially at weekends.

We were arguing about something else when he stated I was weird and crazy for not wanting to miss a bathtime and that I needed to get a life.

For background, both work full time and DC goes to nursery full time. I work nornal office hours with some travelling involved and he does a mix of days and nights

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 10/05/2018 11:29

Is this a stealth boast? Hmm

catinapoolofsunshine · 10/05/2018 11:30

Sleeping that's not what the OP is doing though, her child goes to nursery full time and her DH wants to care for their child when sick.

The choice not to miss bedtimes isn't weird but is perhaps ill thought out in terms of "future proofing" the child.

The not letting her DH look after the child with chicken pox even though he had the day off anyway and wanted to, and op was meant to be at work is weird!

Dieu · 10/05/2018 11:30

Aah, whole new ballgame that SSU Flowers

catinapoolofsunshine · 10/05/2018 11:32

Yes obviously parenting a medically complex child must be incredibly relentless, and those who do it are dealing with more than most ever have to, but it isn't what OP is doing.

Dobbythesockelf · 10/05/2018 11:33

I think like most things with parenting you do what works best for your family. I didn't leave my dd overnight till she was nearly one. That was my choice. I don't sit around and judge people who leave them much earlier. My friend went away for the weekend with her partner when her baby was 5 weeks. It's not something I could have done but we have completely different situations. If you don't want to go out etc then that's your choice and I don't think you should be judged for that. But equally you can't use your choice to have a go at your partner.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/05/2018 11:34

catinapoolofsunshine well mine and Dieu weren't directly talking about the OP.
Dieu it isn't thigh, Warren you're taking about it being bad for a marriage etc, the reality is the same. I could just have easily out welcome to parenting a bf baby who refuses a bottle (my friend bf for two years, he'd bottle refuse all day at nursery and survive on what food he could eat then bulk eat through the night) or someone with no family support and no money for childminders. I just thought id contextualize my posts as it isn't about being a martyr, its about no choice. We get hospice (complex needs not life limited) now so had a date in April and one in October.

However I trust DH implicitly with our child and we both have nights away, socialise etc just not TOGETHER

PieAndPumpkins · 10/05/2018 11:35

Am I the only one who read the update as Op picked child up on day 1 with suspected chicken pox. Manager said she could work from home day 2, 3 etc. Husband is at home on day 2, so OP doesn't need to stay off work on day 2. DH is offended OP considered (wanted to) staying home with DC on day 2. OP realises she has meetings at work on day 2, so won't be staying off work anyway.

Seems obvious. No??

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 10/05/2018 11:35

I've never understood the idea of bath time as some sort of festival, tbh. It's having a wash, as mundane as you can get Confused

SleepingStandingUp · 10/05/2018 11:37

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar its half hour of peace whist he sit quietly in the bath chilling followed by 5 minites of screaming for hair washing followed by at least another 15 minutes of peace whilst he recovers! What's not to love

PieAndPumpkins · 10/05/2018 11:38

I have to giggle at the fellow bath haters. Definitely not my idea of fun either Grin

RhiWrites · 10/05/2018 11:39

OP are you genuinely worried you’re weird or is this a thread about what an excellent committed parent you are?

Dieu · 10/05/2018 11:40

Grin The minute that someone comes on and says they actually bathe WITH their kids, I'm outta here!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 10/05/2018 11:41

It’s not weird at all. Everyone has priorities. I only missed a week of bedtimes by that age and that’s because I was in hospital. It’s vitally important to DP that our children remember him always being there for him so he almost never misses bedtime either. If either of us want to see friends we just wait until after bed. Your DH is weird.

HollowTalk · 10/05/2018 11:41

I don't think I missed any for years. When I was working I wanted to spend every early evening with my children. I went out later or had friends round, but that early evening was the children's time.

DragonMummy1418 · 10/05/2018 11:50

I think it's unusual - it's not weird.

I was the same... You will relax as they get older. 😊

Kaykay06 · 10/05/2018 11:55

I’m not sure I get the point? It’s lovely that you get to bathe your little one every night, but some people don’t get to do that. I’m a nurse so if I’m nights I’ve left at 6 for my night and with 4 kids I’ve missed a few bath and bedtimes, does that somehow make me less of a mother?...I’d love to not work nights/weekends/Christmas etc sometimes so I can spend more time with my family but that’s not going to happen. And he’s only 2, sure you’ll miss a few more in life plenty time

Dobbythesockelf · 10/05/2018 11:57

I hate bath time so unless he's out my dh is in charge of that. My dd hates having her hair washed, brushed etc and screams the place down. I tell everyone that it's so they can have bonding time but in reality it's so I can sit down and not have to deal with it haha

Osopolar · 10/05/2018 11:58

It's unusual but if you are happy with it then that's all ok. DH does more bedtimes than me as I'm not a fan. I get up early with DS instead, we just play to our strengths :)

Original poster
puzzled90 · 10/05/2018 12:03

Thanks everyone for the responses, just to clarify a few points:

I have gone into work today. I would have liked to have stayed home with DC & DH, which is in no way an indication that I don't think DH is capable or I have any concerns leaving DC with him, I would just have liked to be at home as well. I will probably need some days off next week when DH is back on night shifts and as mentioned before have meetings so have left him to it at home.

I'm not using this as a brag etc, I was generally curious if other parents felt the same as me. I do have other hobbies (i swim 3 times a week either before or after work) and I see friends at the weekend who have children of a similar age and we do go out as a family when DH doesn't have football commitments and see other friends so it's not like I never go out. I just like spending evenings after work at home with DC as by the time I leave for work and do nursery drop off and get home from work I probably get 2 hours with DC so I like to enjoy those hours at home. I have gone out for meals for friends in the early evening but have generally made it back for bath & bed time (mainly because we all have young children and are all asleep in our desserts by 8pm!)

DH and I don't get a lot of time together which isn't great but I try and manage this by taking odd days of annual leave when he has some days off and we have some days out just to ourselves or do stuff round the house.

DH wasn't working yesterday when I got the call to say that DC had chicken pox, however he had been down the pub with a friend and had a couple of pints so couldn't drive so I had to leave work and pick DC and take to the doctors. I picked DH up on the way and we did the doctors visit together.

OP posts:
Ginseng1 · 10/05/2018 12:13

If your dh thinks it's 'wierd' why doesn't he get up of the couch n offer to do bathtime. & I'd b raging if Id to leave work to pick up DC when other half off because he was down the pub on a random afternoon!

Notso · 10/05/2018 12:21

Never missing bath time because there's nobody else to do it. Fine.
Never missing it because you don't want to share parenting or the other parent won't do it. Not fine.

I've never been one for the whole bath before bed rigmarole. Mine found water play before bed far too stimulating. I'm more of a dunk them in the shower person and the sooner they can shower themselves the better IMO.
Also time away from the kids with and without DH is also important to me. We have a fantastic relationship and I think having regular time as a couple and apart has helped with that. He loves it when I go away for a weekend and he gets to be in sole charge of the kids. It's a win win situation for us.

Notso · 10/05/2018 12:32

Off topic but why did you need the Doctor for chickenpox?

Blaablaablaa · 10/05/2018 12:35

Does your DH want you to spend more time together as a couple? Go out together for the evening perhaps. It sounds like you don't spend much time together just you too having fun

Firenight · 10/05/2018 12:37

That’s not weird. I don’t think I’ve missed bedtimes under 3. I also work long hours and if I don’t get back before the kids go to sleep, I don’t talk to them at all 3 days a week as they are still sleeping when I leave on my London days.

Nicknacky · 10/05/2018 12:41

I’m confused by this thread as it has nothing clear,y to do with bath time.

Why were you so keen to work from home when your child and husband were at home? It doesn’t take two people so I would save up my favours at work.

And why go to doctors?

Swipe left for the next trending thread