young buck getting too big for his boots? AIBU to take it personally?

[wildbhoysmama]

A bit of background: I have been in my position for 23 years, I have stayed in the school because I love it and love the kids. I know I am a damn, good teacher and am highly respected. I'm involved in the wider school in many ways, have led many curriculum changes etc , have excellent results across the school and am first in everyone's mind for this promotion, head of department. I was approached 10 years ago to go for the same job but felt that my children were too young ( 4 and 18 months at the time). Since, my colleague has done the job excellently, but is now retiring so.the job is available again.
So far, so straightforward. I am completely prepared that someone may do a better interview and, if so, I would still be happy to stay in my position and support the new head. BUT a huge shock came my way today when aforementioned young buck has told me he is also applying for the job. He, of course, has every right to, but it has blindsided me. Let me explain: He is 26 and has only been teaching almost 2 years; he was a probationer 2 years ago and I was his mentor ( basically teaching him everything I know, giving him huge amounts of time and help, solving his discipline issues, and really going the extra mile for him); he is a decent class room teacher but no more, he still has development issues; he has never taught Higher ( A level) or National 5 (GCSE ) except for once a week with my classes to give him experience; he has not marked the exams ( you can't until you've taught for 4 years); has little grasp of quality assurance etc; what he has done is go on every group going and made himself very visible ( Rights respecting school, growth mindset, Pedagogy).
. I really like him as a person - in a much younger brother kind of way- but cannot believe he would treat me with such a lack of respect. Am I taking it too personally? It feels like he thinks he could do the job better than me, the person who still helps him out constantly. It feels as like he is stepping on me to get where he wants to be with no regard for me or the department. I was shocked, then hurt and now I'm angry. I would never say anything, I'm a professional, and others have expressed disbelief so AIBU to feel.the way I do?

Where did my paragraphs go?! On my phone, wonder if that's it! Sorry.

Your taking it personally it has very little to do with you tbh. He’s an ambitious man maybe over confident ofhis abilities. However applying for a slt role will put him in front of the right people and if he’s smart he knows he won’t get chosen but he will get noticed and it will create other opportunities for him.

Your reaction is weird. You’re annoyed just because he’s applying?
If what you say is true, he won’t get the job.
He is not thinking about you at all in this. You are seeing this as something he is doing to you. He isn’t. He’s just trying to further his career.

He is trying his luck. He will probably leave next year going for a promotion.

Just concentrate on your own interview

Your feelings are your feelings so you are welcome to them, not being unreasonable in that sense. But he of course has a right to apply and probably it has very little with what he thinks about you, he's just aspirational and chancing his arm.

I understand the feeling and would probably feel the same in your position. That said I think it is BU (even if understandable) to expect someone not to try to progress their career and sit back as someone they know is applying. If he isn't right for the job then he won't get it. Are you feeling threatened about it (not a challenge but a genuine question)?

I'm sorry but I think YABU. He's just seeking to advance his own career - it doesn't mean he doesn't respect you. He may even have no expectation of getting the job but is applying just to let people know that he is ambitious and out for promotion.

Everyone is entitled to make the best decisions for their own career without thinking about the impact on their colleagues. Just focus on your own preparation and leave him to his.

As the saying goes, may you have the confidence of a mediocre man. No I don't think he's doing this to hurt your feelings. He probably sincerely believes he's the best candidate.

Why are you taking it personally?

Yes you are being unreasonable. The school do n’t owe you the promotion, and he has every right to apply. To be honest you sound a bit patronising towards him, and full of your self.

I can see why you'd feel this way, but I think it's just another way for him to be very visible he wouldn't get it over you surely? Your experience alone would make you the front runner.

Maybe he's overconfident, maybe he wants to prove he's ambitious, maybe he wants the interview experience- who knows? He's not doing this to get one over on you, and if you've got it right about the amount of help he still needs it won't be an issue. No one ever got anywhere in life believing that going for a promotion meant that they were disrespecting their colleagues. The ads on telly tell graduates that they can be Head of Department at what, 27, 28? Don't blame him for taking a chance.

But just because it was offered to you before and you've been there longest doesn't mean the job is yours. That attitude or one like it will do your chances far more harm than him throwing his hat in the ring.

As an aside a guy I used to go out with was made HoD (assuming that is the role) at 28, and jobs here are like hens teeth. And he wasn't even a particularly impressive specimen.

YABU.

His application has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing. If he gets an interview, it will be a good experience for him to have. If he gets the job, then he will have done well for himself.

Focus on your own application and interview and good luck to you.

I don't understand why you'd take this personally or see it as a lack of respect for you. He's applying for a job and he's perfectly entitled to do that, no one has to stand back and decide "ooh no I can't possibly apply for that because wildbhoys deserves it more than me".

He may very well lack the necessary experience as you've said (certainly sounds that way) but hey, maybe he just wants to get the interview experience or show that he's interested in advancing. I know I shouldn't generalise but I'm going to anyway - men are far more likely to apply for jobs where they only tick 3 out of 10 boxes, women wibble if they only tick 9 out of 10.

I really wouldn't personalise this.

You’re taking it far too personally. His application has no bearing on the level of respect that he has for you. You clearly think that he should step aside for you and that’s not reasonable. Focus on your own application, with a particular emphasis on your experience and demonstrable impact.

"Lack of respect", "stepping on the department"- get a grip. He has as much right to apply for the job as you, and if you are as superior to him as you say, surely you'll have no issue in getting it anyway.

Gosh yes what everyone else said. Why on earth would you think he's done this to go against you?

And his experience and skills are for the interview panel to assess not you.

They might prefer someone who has some experience from another school to bring to the role by the way - so don't assume you're a shoo-in.

yes of course YABU - presumably he is making it clear that he has ambition, going for a job you know you are not going to get puts it out there that is your long term goal. As such he could ask and get extra responsibilites to aid any future promotion chances (there or somewhere else).

Its a decision which has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with his future planning

Honestly OP, if you could have applied for this 10 years ago and haven’t thought to go for a similar role in another school since then, I’d say this is probably more about your own lack of self-confidence than anything to do with him.

Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh. But YABU to take this personally. Lots of people go for jobs they’re not really qualified for. It’s not a comment about you at all.

Time and again men are shown to be so much more confident even when they only meet 50% of the job description while overqualified women regularly fret they won’t be ready for the job. Chalk it down to the patriarchy and try to adopt some of his confidence when it comes to the interview!

Maybe he honestly thinks he’s good enough and is super over confident.

Maybe he knows he hasn’t got a hope in hell but wants to mark himself out as keep to progress and get the process experience.

Nothing is to do with not respecting you.

Buck? Is he a deer? How patronising. YABU for that alone!

Thank you all for your responses, all very helpful. I respect that he's forwarding his career, and putting himself in frontbof the right people etc, but his ambition seems very Macbeth: 2 years teaching and that confident.
Riceandpeas- I am not feeling threatened just hurt.

Northerparent: I'm unaware of where I've sounded patronising, I like him.hugely and we have a great.working relationship. Full of myself- because I've stated I have good results and consider myself a damn, good teacher? I am a good teacher - because of many years of hard work, learning and getting to know the kids in our school. That's not arrogance, it's just how it is.

Craic dealer: I definitely don't think it's my job, I did say that and will not be approaching it that way.

I love your description of your ex not being a particularly impressive specimen

Beware: Thank you for the good luck wishes

So, because you weren’t ambitious enough ten years ago, nobody else should be now that you’re ready to step up?

Ambition is a good thing OP. Unless you're suggesting his intending to actively sabotage you the Macbeth reference is absurd and overdramatic.