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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

young buck getting too big for his boots? AIBU to take it personally?

174 replies

wildbhoysmama · 09/05/2018 20:39

A bit of background: I have been in my position for 23 years, I have stayed in the school because I love it and love the kids. I know I am a damn, good teacher and am highly respected. I'm involved in the wider school in many ways, have led many curriculum changes etc , have excellent results across the school and am first in everyone's mind for this promotion, head of department. I was approached 10 years ago to go for the same job but felt that my children were too young ( 4 and 18 months at the time). Since, my colleague has done the job excellently, but is now retiring so.the job is available again.
So far, so straightforward. I am completely prepared that someone may do a better interview and, if so, I would still be happy to stay in my position and support the new head. BUT a huge shock came my way today when aforementioned young buck has told me he is also applying for the job. He, of course, has every right to, but it has blindsided me. Let me explain: He is 26 and has only been teaching almost 2 years; he was a probationer 2 years ago and I was his mentor ( basically teaching him everything I know, giving him huge amounts of time and help, solving his discipline issues, and really going the extra mile for him); he is a decent class room teacher but no more, he still has development issues; he has never taught Higher ( A level) or National 5 (GCSE ) except for once a week with my classes to give him experience; he has not marked the exams ( you can't until you've taught for 4 years); has little grasp of quality assurance etc; what he has done is go on every group going and made himself very visible ( Rights respecting school, growth mindset, Pedagogy).
. I really like him as a person - in a much younger brother kind of way- but cannot believe he would treat me with such a lack of respect. Am I taking it too personally? It feels like he thinks he could do the job better than me, the person who still helps him out constantly. It feels as like he is stepping on me to get where he wants to be with no regard for me or the department. I was shocked, then hurt and now I'm angry. I would never say anything, I'm a professional, and others have expressed disbelief so AIBU to feel.the way I do?

OP posts:

LegallyBrunet · 09/05/2018 21:48

YABU sorry. You’re entitled to your feelings but he’s entitled to want to further his career as well. Someone I know got Head of Department at 26 and a bloody good one she was as well, so don’t write him off just yet

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 21:48

I remember being called a “wee rip” in my first job after school. I was very good at it and it was the sort of job where doing well was acknowledged at weekly staff meetings. One woman who who took against me (jealous, obviously ) started referring to me in conversation to others as “that wee rip” not quietly, and would dart me a side eye to make sure I knew she wasn’t talking about me. It wasn’t an attractive quality.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 21:49

was talking about me.

0LIVE · 09/05/2018 21:52

I would be upset and annoyed too. I know it might be irrational, but it’s how I would feel.

It’s the “ confidence of a mediocre man “ thing.

And the fact that men in teaching are over represented in promoted posts. So I’d know that there are some people who will thing he’s well qualified for the job because he has a penis.

Being on committees and steering groups is often valued more than being an excellent classroom teacher. I think is this annoying and unfair.

And I’d feel slightly angry and resentful that it’s only women who don’t go for promoted posts ( or get them) when they have young children. Young mums are seen as a liability and young fathers as mature and responsible. There are still people who would think that a young father “ deserves a promotion “ because he has a wife and child to support .

And I’d also be annoyed that women are seen as natural mentors because we are happy to give of our time and knowledge to support someone else’s career, without expecting anything for ourselves .

So in the OPs position I would be rather irritated, perhaps less at this young man as an individual and more at “the system”.

Kindle2018 · 09/05/2018 21:56

This happened to a friend of mine. She had all the experience and expertise to get the role and a colleague who was quite frankly useless, and ticked very few boxes went for the job also. My friend and her other colleagues had been helping this other person for years, sorting out the trail of problems they caused, picking up work they couldn't complete, smoothing it over with clients she'd upset. My friend and her colleague s thought that there was no way the useless colleague would get the job. Guess what? She did! And it is a disaster! Can't do the job and can't manage and still goes to colleagues to sort her problems so I say that YANBU to be concerned. You know your colleague and you know he hasn't got the right credentials yet.

HaHaHmm · 09/05/2018 21:56

And I’d feel slightly angry and resentful that it’s only women who don’t go for promoted posts ( or get them) when they have young children.

I agree with much of what you say but I don't think this point applies here. OP says that she was approached to apply for the HOD role ten years ago and decided not to go for it (for valid personal reasons).

Candyflosss · 09/05/2018 21:56

I think I know where you are coming from, I work in a male dominated industry, not sure whether it is a man thing. I have seen this from my young 'ish colleagues, full of confident, think they know a lot but as matter of fact they don't even know what is there to know if you see what I mean.

I don't think it's personal, he has got nothing to lose for applying, people at this age are very eager to climb.

Don't let this nother you, just not worth it.

Candyflosss · 09/05/2018 21:58

bother not nother.

isthistoonosy · 09/05/2018 21:59

I can only say from the other side, my mentor is a great teacher and a really nice guy etc but yes in a couple of years (I'm just finishing my pgce) I can see me going for the same jobs as him as he is cautious and wants to be home with his kids etc. It will be nothing against him, and I will prob think he can do the job better, and I'll encourage him to go for promotion and pay rises etc but if he feels sad that I'm catching him up thats not my issue at the end of the day.

twattymctwatterson · 09/05/2018 22:00

Op you really need to take on board that him applying for this job is absolutely nothing to do with you. No one owes it to you to hold off on their own career to ensure you get the promotion you're entitled to. He's an ambitious guy and wants to get on - more so probably than you as you're job has (understandably) taken a back seat to your family life. It's almost as though you feel he doesn't deserve to be ambitious because he's not yet experienced enough

WombatStewForTea · 09/05/2018 22:01

I'll probably be flamed for this but there are often male secondary teachers who quickly rise through the ranks for nothing more than being male! No doubt he'll be HoD or worse in no time

OrcinusOrca · 09/05/2018 22:01

You sound quite bitter. I know plenty of people who hire people because they will work their ass off as they're a bit green for the job, as opposed to hiring people who think they're entitled to move up because they've done the time and it's their next natural step. Someone has just joined my team and thinks our team isn't strong because she's he only one with 20+ years experience in the company. That can be interpreted several ways I would say, including that fresh blood is valuable and inside knowledge has its constraints.

Men do usually go for it more I find, women seem to hold themselves back more.

titchy · 09/05/2018 22:02

Being on committees and steering groups is often valued more than being an excellent classroom teacher

Those things ARE vital for a leadership role though... Not to say that being an excellent classroom teacher isn't important, it is, but if you're looking to lead, you need to be good at what's involved in leading!

jamoncrumpets · 09/05/2018 22:02

It would be much cheaper for the school to make the 'young buck' HoD, and with school budgets on their knees atm they might just go with the cheap hire.

user1473878824 · 09/05/2018 22:02

@pictish thank you, that comma has been bothering me since the first post. Not sure when my phone has ever randomly put commas in the same place as a mistake twice.

isthistoonosy · 09/05/2018 22:02

Just seen Candys post, I was in construction before, so guess I've learnt how to achieve promotion in a male environment which could explain how I act now. But I'm not young any more!

Quimby · 09/05/2018 22:04

Tbh you sound pathetic in this.

All the extra mile stuff you’re so eager to highlight in your first post also appears to be completely self serving as it sounds as though it was meant to highlight your own leadership qualities but now your pissed as the person you helped has confidence in themselves.

IronMansIronButt · 09/05/2018 22:04

You're not for real, surely?

FYI, with your appalling attitude there is every chance he will beat you to the job

Quimby · 09/05/2018 22:06

“Not sure when my phone has ever randomly put commas in the same place as a mistake twice.”

Oh autocorrect is always putting commas in peoples texts ..... that’s definitely a thing that happens

kitkatsky · 09/05/2018 22:07

I've gone against Lots of young professionals in similar circumstances and Think you can't blame them for trying, but you can blame yourself if they get it....

rinabean · 09/05/2018 22:07

YANBU, glass elevator isn't it, he's clearly less suited for it than you but he's probably more likely to get it and it's not wrong for you to bring up his sex when that's the reason!

Candyflosss · 09/05/2018 22:09

May be it's the people skill this girl has, this often overwrite the main skills required for the job.

HarryDresdensLeatherDuster · 09/05/2018 22:10

I do get exactly how you feel. When I applied for HoD, I had another internal candidate against e who wasn't teaching my subject, had NEVER taught my subject, had no experience and wasn't even a qualified teacher!

Needless to say, she didn't get it!

I too felt somewhat put out so get where you are coming from! You do need to forget about and focus on your interview, however. I would also say that you need start pulling back from this young man and make him stand on his own two feet!

Timefortea99 · 09/05/2018 22:14

He has every right to apply. That is the difference with men and women - a woman can tick 8 out of 10:of the boxes and not apply because of the 2 missing ticks, a man can have 4 out of 10 and will apply assuming he can learn as he goes along. Or he wants to experience the job interview so he can prepare for another opportunity further down the line.

He is not being disloyal. He is guilty of being ambitious. If you want the job go for it. Put him out of your mind. You are thinking about him and his supposed betrayal rather than doing the best you can to secure the job for yourself.

Timefortea99 · 09/05/2018 22:15

Have no idea how that emoji got in there.

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