To feel really annoyed that our Italian au pair....

[Madonnasbiggestfan]

Arrived last Thursday and is going home on Sunday. Basically she's 20 and has never lived away from home before, including visiting anywhere else in her home country. She hasn't worked since leaving school at 18 (she has a £1k iPhone NOT that I'm jealous). We found out she has a serious dairy allergy (we knew from our Skype calls she had an issue with eating dairy) we only found out on Sunday that she carries an epipen and can't touch cheese.
She's decided to go back home because she just was crying all the time. She's not offered to help at all and I just had to ask her to clean up after herself when she makes a meal, i.e crumbs and washing up the plate. DH and I had to go to a funeral today (elderly relative) and I got dressed up with high heels some make up and a fairly dressy navy dressed compared to what I've worn since she's been here. Before we left she couldn't stop staring at me and I felt very uncomfortable, I'm in my 40s with two DCs for goodness sake! I've now got four more days of this, she doesn't want me to leave her on her own! Heeelp. I do want her to go. I feel on one hand a bitch for feeling like this and on the other very annoyed...

Strongmummy, perhaps you should change your name to Smugmummy. It is a bit vulgar for you to list your smug credentials.

Tatiana, I’ve not read your post I’m afraid so didn’t see your maths. I get the cultural point (I’m Anglo Arab so have a fair grasp of multicultural importance) I don’t get the lack of employment rights or the moaning that a girl with little or no childcare or work experience may be shit at the job of looking after kids

@strongmummy - no that's not why you're irked. You quite clearly had an issue with the middle class badge and said so yourself :-) I'm too bored of telling you to read the posts properly by now but at least read your own?!

You are fooling nobody and just really being a giant snob when it comes down to it. That's why it irritates you when not-that-rich people such as myself have an affordable solution that actually works out pretty sweet for the au pair, the kids and for me (I haven't ironed in years TFFT).
And here you are with your nanny, your cleaner, your personal trainer and your yoga teacher, your waitrose and your range rover. I've got an au pair, run and use a payg gym with other members of the public (gasp, the horror), shop in Lidl and drive a shitter.

The end result in how happy our kids are and quality of life is probably the same regardless of the difference in standard of living so no wonder you're irked because it really does make a mockery of you. Sorry, not sorry.

Have a nice weekend...

@goldilocks I’m glad it works for you and im
glad your kids are happy. I’ve no idea why you think that would upset me. Have a good one

Failing to read any of the posts on the thread would explain why you keep wittering on about not paying fair wages in the face of the evidence.

Being half Arab doesn’t mean you understand the value of welcoming foreign students into your home who want to learn the language and experience the culture. You quite clearly do not. All you can think of is in terms of employees, in fact an au pair becomes part of the family.

All our au pairs came through agencies who set the terms and looked after the girls. If any au pair isn’t happy with their situation, they find another job. Which is generally easy as au pairs are in such demand.

Goldilocks3Bears, your last post about Strongmummy is spot on and said it better than I ever could. That was the subtext in her posts which I was niggling me and I could not put a finger on it until you nailed it.

And if there are no after school clubs. No childminders that have availability and do drop off and pick up from school....what then?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-london-42037507

I’m just going to leave this there. I have no sub text. I just hate exploitation and Altho I’m sure you all are great hosts , this system is easy to exploit

Blueshoes, just because people are prepared to au pair for the wages, doesn't make it right. I could advertise for someone to sleep on my floor and clean my flat for £1 an hour and some desperate person would probably do it. The reason why employment law is there is so that even the desperate are protected. The au pair world just hasn't caught up with the rest of employment law yet, and hopefully will soon as is starting to happen in the US. In many countries live-in domestic workers aren't as well-protected by the law as other workers, and I find this to be totally unfair.
If you want live-in childcare, pay at least the minimum wage minus the accommodation offset. Its the ethical thing to do.

Kelsooo, yes, it would be difficult. But how would someone in that situation cope if they didn't have a spare room and couldn't therefore have an au pair? How does a small business owner cope who used to pay a staff member £2 an hour and suddenly has to pay minimum wage?? Why should people wanting childcare get away with exploitation whereas someone employing a cleaner, shop worker, care worker or factory worker has to pay the minimum wage?? People shouldn't be exploited even if it does make someone else's life a bit easier.

Strongmummy, Harshbuttrue, you are now getting slightly hysterical equating aupairs with modern slaves. Do call the police if you spot this. I am currently updating the modern slavery statement on my company's website. Yes, I know all about it.

Can you be more original, at least?

There are countless exploitable work situations - minimum wage, zero hours contracts, Amazon, Uber, couriers etc.

Unscrupulous people will always exist, which is why it’s worth sticking with reputable au pair agencies.

But Goldilocks is right, this is fuck all to do with concern for employees, but some bitterness about middle classdom with a strong dash of nouveau riche pretension. No-one middle class gives a shit about ‘badges’.

only someone who is insecure about their place in the world - plays on being middle class. Those of us who don’t more likely are. This was my OP about an au pair FGS!

I’m of ‘upper class’ orgin. Shop in Aldi, make my own beds, work full time (as does my DH) I have a mortgage, a pension, health insurance and only buy designer clothes if they are cheap on eBay. I do not skimp on childcare. We had a lovely au pair last year and I wanted to repeat the experience as my older DC - especially- thrived on it.

I think it's pretty funny she won't fly back on her own but wants to be cabin crew.

As an aside.......just get away from the humdrum of her exploitative Cinderella drudgery lifestyle, the au pair took half a day off (she spent the morning in the shops after helping with breakfast and putting the bins out) to go to London for a concert with her mates. She popped a few things on the shopping list for me to get her (she's run out of gruel again): chia seeds, almond butter, organic oats, blueberries, halloumi....

I really don't know how she copes with this hardship - poor girl :-D

@problembottom how did I not notice that!!

Someone’s got a chip on their shoulder and is feeling a tad insecure about themselves

She is obviously very home sick and perhaps looking for some support? You are old enough to be a mother figure to her, yet don't seem to realise that she is in need of support.

WEll the au pair has gone home. Accompanied back by her English family friend. However in a shocking twist - we found that she has changed her profile on Au Pair World to say she wants to work in Cambridge. She clearly can't au pair for anyone. In the last week we have cooked her loads of food (dairy free), introduced her to at least 10 Italian families. We have translated loads and loads of things (although she is supposed to learn English) took her away with us (to the seaside for a day. I gave her a fair few hugs before my kindness became frustration. Anyway...

You have been more than kind to her. I am not sure I could manage to do that but you did, so well done. It is more than she deserved.

As for aupairing in Cambridge, it is not surprising considering she wants to be cabin crew but won't fly as a paying passenger on her own. That is the extent of her delusion. Unfortunately, she will have to find out the hard way.

Thankfully, she is not your problem to fix . Bet the air in your house feels so much lighter in your house now she is gone.

Yes blue we did all we could. Still feeling upset but that will pass...

Well you might want to give some feedback to aupairworld so they warn the next unsuspecting family in Cambridge what they may be taking on ...