AIBU to take this back to court?

[Justonedayatatime11]

Exh took me to court a few years back and obtained a CAO for our dd(4). CAO states EOW and 50% of his annual leave. Exh has rarely adhered to the CAO and can get very aggressive if I can’t change plans to accommodate him wanting to swap and change weekends. I’ve received a message from him last night saying that every weekend for the next 4 months is going to have to change, but he doesn’t know how or when.
FWIW, he’s blaming work. Now he could take the CAO to his commanding officer and have it enforced which would mean he would reliably see dd EOW. However, he’s admitted he won’t do this as ‘it will harm his chances of promotion’.
My plans for the summer are now up in the air because I now don’t know when/if he’ll be seeing dd. Not only will that potentially leave me out of pocket, but more importantly dd is getting no consistency. He’ll go for a month without seeing her and then want her for a week at a time.
To be clear, I am not trying to stop contact. Dd adores him and I wouldn’t want to take that away from her. AIBU to take this back to court and look at getting the CAO changed? I just want some consistency for her sake and some reliability for me?

Hmm, that's the strange thing combatbarbie, last I knew he was being posted to Aldershot for a recruitment position! Not sure how that would require him to return to work at short notice .

pager 24 hrs a day 365 days a year? He is in the Army? Sounds unlikely to me.
just keep going. you need to get it sorted for dds sake. it sounds like he just doesnt like being told what to do. odd for a military man

Can your solicitor not write to his employer (not sure what the correct army term is) and ask for confirmation of how his working hours and on calls are scheduled. Surely a judge would need this before they could approve an order?

By the way I think you are making progress if he has now seen her 2 weekends after what he said about not being able plan for 4 months. We're they on his weekends? Keep strong you are absolutely right to stick up for yourself he sounds just insatiable jealous to me x

Stay strong Justoneday, you've got the power of MN behind you. Remember that anything abusive Ex does or says is done to undermine you. There's always someone here who can give you strength when those doubts and wobbles raise their his ugly head. Keep focusing on DD's needs, as you are now, and you won't go wrong.

YOU ARE THE VOICE OF REASON AND STABILITY.

Can your DP do handovers? If not, then you should look for a public/populated place to do them.

Its bloody relentless! Had to unblock his number so he could skype DD this evening, thought it odd she bought the phone back to me after 3 mins. He then tried calling me so I didn't answer and re-blocked his number. Somehow he's found a way around this and I've just had a text accusing me of 'parental alienation and emotional abuse'. In other words DD told him she doesn't want to go for 7 nights and apparently that's me putting words in her mouth. I've emailed screenshots to my solicitor and requested to push on with the harassment charge

Wow, he's relentless at being a twat . You did right in what you did and just builds bigger case against him

Solicitor has advised me to go back to the police and request they issue him with a PIN. Given that he's been told twice, by solicitors, to leave me alone, he went out of his way on Sun night to get a text through to me, despite him being blocked on my phone. That scares me slightly. Trying to pluck up the courage to call the police officer who dealt with this last time

Do it now!

Definitely agree. Follow your solicitors advice

He's behaving like a child - constantly pushing at your boundaries. Just like with a child you are going to have to keep saying no and mean it.

Hope you've managed to speak to the police.

Have you contacted the police?

He sounds so angry and paranoid and like he's completely lost sight of your poor DD in all of this

No woke up this morning to an email from Cafcass. I'm falling apart. I feel like I'm never going to escape him. DD is becoming more and more upset about next week, she's adamant she doesn't want to go for a week. I just don't know what to do, I'm barely keeping it together

he's trying to hound you into submission like the bully he is - don't give in to it.

Also, i think you should personally report his harassment of you to the police, including him using technology to bypass your phone blocks.
He could be using his access to such stuff at work....

Justoneday you are an amazing person. Sound like an incredible mum. And so very strong to be still standing after everything this pointless man is doing.

I know nothing about what you are going through nor have I had any experience of it but wondered if you could somehow video your daughter saying she doesn't want to go with her dad? He may well say you have coerced her but if her teacher backed it up? Has she said anything to other grown ups?

I have spoken with school this morning. IF he bothers to take her in on Monday, and she says to school that she wants to come home to me then she will. My solicitor is aware and says that if DD is upset and doesn't want to go with him then it's in her best interests to come home. Also, a couple of weeks ago her teacher did 'thoughts and feelings' with DD in which she said Daddy makes her sad and she only wants to go for 1,2 or 3 nights, not 7. This will be taken into consideration.
I just hate that he's still got such a hold of me. Fed up of feeling sick all of the time, wondering what will come next. WHY can't he just see what's in DDs best interests, instead of his own?!

Make sure that you get to the police ASAP to report this. If not for your well being, for that of your DD. I know you’re scared but you’ve done so well so far! You can do this!

He's being a total arse but it won't stay like this. It sounds like he was horrible during your relationship and he's never had to reframe that way of interacting with you. It's drifted along for 4 years with him behaving as he wants and you responding it whichever way you thought was best.

Now you are putting your foot down hard and he obviously isn't going to like it. His little world of being the boss has been turned upside down and he's throwing his toys out of the pram.

It'll get dealt with in court and whilst painful and exhausting for you, will have an end. You just have to make sure you continue the civil and perfunctory grey rock so that he has no way to gain leverage over you again. It'll be OK

At the moment you are walking a tightrope between keeping DD safe and happy and giving eX enough rope to hang himself with. He's already started by ignoring your solicitor's letters and bypassing the blocked routes. You just have to keep your nerve and wait for the noose to tighten.

Stay strong, you can and you are doing this.

If he doesn't take her to nursery then, surely, by disrupting DD's routine, that's more evidence that he doesn't have her best interests at heart.

V v tearful phone call from DD last night saying she misses me and wants to come home. He dropped her off at nursery this morning but I'm picking her up. He wants to have her back tomorrow afternoon until Saturday but I don't think she's going to want to go.
In other news apparently I'm due in court at the end of August... so that'll be fun! Also, can highly recommend being stressed out of your mind as a fabulous weight loss aid. So fucking fed up.

Bless her, he's a heartless bastard if he can see she wants her mummy and he still prevents that

I don't believe this. Just received court papers and he's asking for MORE time with her?!?! Am I actually going mad??

Is that more time than was specified in the previous CAO, or more time than he's actually had her in real life?

More time than in the previous CAO. I don't even have any words, I'm just done in.