AIBU to think stepmum may be sabotaging holiday?

[VirginHoliday]

Apologies in advance for the lengthy post, I want to give a full picture.

DSM and DF organised a family holiday a few years back for DSis, DBil and their two DC. It turned out not to be very child suitable and the DC weren't on their best behaviour as a result (often bored and couldn't walk miles in the hot sun like DSM had organised). Huge waste of money and a lot of resentment from both sides after the holiday. DSM has never really liked children so DSis feels she booked that holiday knowing it would be shit for kids.

So now it's DH and my turn for the family holiday with DF and DSM. DF wanted to go to Barcelona as it's a landmark birthday for him and his choice. DSM hates Spain but agreed to go.
DH and I have never been out of the country, especially not with our 3 DC so agreed for them to sort it and we would pay providing of course that it would be family suitable (should go without saying!) We got a loan and transferred our money.

DSM asked when my DH's holiday time was (he works teacher hours so has set holidays) and we gave them a decent 4 week period to choose from within their dates.

They picked the week DH was back at work instead. And booked it before telling us. DH has had to use his only free days of the year. Fucking great.

Now I've found out exactly where we are booked. I really can't see it working at all. It's a lavish, upscale apartment smack bang in the city centre, nowhere near a beach, surrounded by a 4 lane road, nothing but very fancy restaurants and even a Louis Vuitton store. It is self catering and not a swimming pool in sight. We, unlike DF these days, are poor working class Northerners making do shopping in Lidl and Aldi and I can't see us enjoying this at all. It's a really upmarket area!

My kids are pretty great behaviour wise but I can't imagine their wont be bored to tears.

Please, please, someone, tell me Barcelona is actually a hidden gem for Primary aged children holidaying and despite what it looks like, we're going to have affordable fun.
If not DSM will get to bitch about how terrible my kids are along with DSis's. I just want to cancel the whole damn thing and book a proper family holiday but our money is gone now.

We all assumed you have no passports because you write this in your first post:
“DH and I have never been out of the country, especially not with our 3 DC”

Does your stepmother always steamroller over everyone?

Your SM is a CF. And CFs get away with it because other people are too nice and polite,or simply stunned by the CFery to treat them appropriately. You told her the dates and you all agreed you will research and agree. And she just goes and books whatever she wants on dates that don't work for you? That's not a mistake. She really does not like you.

Barcelona is amazing but you lost me at taking out a loan to go on holiday. How ridiculous.

You also know some very dull people if everyone is somehow shocked at taking children to Barcelona...

If you're going on a city break with kids Barcelona is a great choice. I think the biggest issue you'll have is that no-one seems to be standing up to DSM. What if she books an expensive walking tour you all have to go on for hours? Or makes reservations for a formal restaurant two hours after the kids bedtime? Will you go along secretly fuming? It's obvious that she's planning on steamrolling over everyone else's preferences so you'll need to hold your own.

It was too late to say no when they told us the dates.

No, it really wasn't. They booked a time you can't go. They would have had to reimburse you the money.

You'll know for another time not to transfer the money to them before you know what they intend to do with it.

Why are people having a go at the OP over the loan? She’s already said they own their house outright and don’t have other debt so it’s hardly the end of the world.

Why do you have to go on holiday with them? Especially after last time?

Mrskeats the OP explained that she wanted to go away with her dad for his 60th.

Barcelona is amazing but you lost me at taking out a loan to go on holiday. How ridiculous

How judgy.

Would everyone stop with the pickpocket scaremongering?! Yes, it’s rife, but in much the same way as many European cities. I’ve lived in both Madrid and Barcelona and was never pickpocketed. It’s not inevitable!

Good point cherrypieface . I've recently been to Madrid, Rome and Sorrento and also to Barcelona and not been pickpocketed. As long as you are aware of the potential risk and take positive measures to avoid it - like buying money belts or wearing your backpack on your front - then thieves are likely to go for an easy target.

But it’s just causing stress
How is this fun or a celebration?

I think Barcelona would be fine for kids, but I wouldn't go on a family holiday with young kids without a pool no way. It's the kids favourite thing on holiday and it keeps everyone cool and not hot and bothered. Sounds like yours aren't really young though so may be ok. Plan your child friendly itinerary now. Write it down, send it to DF and DSM in advance and ask when they are free for family meals. Don't spend every day with them. Alternatively I'd organise moving to a nearby location if you can do it without losing money.

I think you are both very unreasonable to not just say you can't go on those dates and then use the rebooking opportunity to specify wanting a family friendly place with a pool, though.

How long ago did they book? Can you just say school have come back and can't give the days off at the beginning of term?

Pickpocketing is similar to all big cities or tourist destinations.
No point walking around feeling constantly anxious, it will affect your holiday.

Leave cards and passport in safe.
Wear ‘money belt’ hidden in waist for notes.
Your wallet (a cheap one with not much in it) and phone can go deep in bag or rucksack, but put it on your front when you get into crowds.
Top up wallet from your money belt when in the toilet.

I really don't understand what the problem is. Why are you so averse to having a holiday in Barcelona? Are you one of those awful people who can only holiday at a reaort? Use your imagination, use Google, and have an amazing time. This is an opportunity, not a punishment. I feel sorry for your DSM and DF.

Took DD8 to Barcelona at Easter and had a ball. We took her heeleys to make walking easier and she did miles. Depending on your DC ages, as previously mentioned, magic fountain, cable cars, parc guell, the beach. There's a chocolate museum and an Egyptian museum.

I suspect you'll need to be very clear about what you do and don't want to do each day to get child friendly activities lined up but it's possible! We also went self catering as i find it easier. Loads of fantastic local stores for food and DD loved going shopping because it was all so different.

I hope you have have a lovely time. I want to go back!

We live in Barcelona. With 2 primary aged kids.

There's loads to do. Rambla and down there is shit. Full of pickpockets, especially in tourist season. Avoid at all costs.

There's a cool swimming pool not too from you. It's in between buildings and is cool, and cheap. Torre de les Aigües
guia.barcelona.cat/es/detall/jardins-de-la-torre-de-les-aigues_94155091952.html
www.tripadvisor.es/Attraction_Review-g187497-d3678721-Reviews-Jardines_de_la_Torre_de_Les_Aigues-Barcelona_Catalonia.html

I would also highly recommend Cosmo Caixa science museum. We spend hours there. It will be €4 for you. Cafe is good.
www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g187497-d244211-Reviews-CosmoCaixa_Barcelona-Barcelona_Catalonia.html

Are you one of those awful people who can only holiday at a reaort? I've never been to a resort and never want to but you're the one who comes across as awful. Why do you need to be so judgy, it's not in the least bit helpful. When I go on holiday I like to be active and get some culture other people might just want to mess about by the pool and not have to worry about anything. It doesn't make me better than them.

I went to Barcelona last year for the first time and fell in love with it. It is brilliant for kids as its got it all. My only concern would be the heat for the little ones. Don't underestimate the worth of shade, creams and hydration. I'm sure you'll have a great time if you want to.

Now I want to go to Barcelona with DS - I didn't realise there was so much for DCs to do and as he's turning into a cool preteen I think he'd like the vibe as well.

There is so much here. It's a fantastic place for kids. Parks everywhere. I say avoid the tourist bit, it's full of overpriced crap and pickpockets anyway. Walk up Sant Joan, stop at all the parks up there and head into Gracia, that's where the real magic is.

I really think that you should pull her up on not booking in your dates. Don't just let that slide, it's unacceptable.

I really think that you should pull her up on not booking in your dates. Don't just let that slide, it's unacceptable.

I agree. You also need to make sure that you don't allow her to steamroller you into doing things you don't want to do. Even if she's already booked something, just tell her that you have other plans. Make sure you let them know asap, what your plans are, don't leave it until you get there.

I've always wanted to go there. It sounds like you'll end up needing more days than you've got, to do all the things you want to do. So as long as you set your rules out before you go, and stick to them, you'll have a fantastic time.

OP I am sure you will have a fab time. This thread is making me want to take my DC to Barcelona!

I understand a little of what it is like to struggle to set boundaries in a family and how you can end up boxing yourself into a corner and resenting it, even while realising it’s your own fault for not saying no or being firm. I do this too!

Sounds like drawing up an itinerary of things you want to do and discussing it with DF and DSM in advance might help set clear expectations and boundaries before you go - I always find it harder to do this in the moment but find it a little easier in advance.

To all who are commenting on the OP taking a loan for a holiday - mind your own business. She never asked you about that so save your judgement!

OP hope you have a fab time and get to spend some lovely time with your family celebrating DF’s special birthday x