AIBU to think stepmum may be sabotaging holiday?

[VirginHoliday]

Apologies in advance for the lengthy post, I want to give a full picture.

DSM and DF organised a family holiday a few years back for DSis, DBil and their two DC. It turned out not to be very child suitable and the DC weren't on their best behaviour as a result (often bored and couldn't walk miles in the hot sun like DSM had organised). Huge waste of money and a lot of resentment from both sides after the holiday. DSM has never really liked children so DSis feels she booked that holiday knowing it would be shit for kids.

So now it's DH and my turn for the family holiday with DF and DSM. DF wanted to go to Barcelona as it's a landmark birthday for him and his choice. DSM hates Spain but agreed to go.
DH and I have never been out of the country, especially not with our 3 DC so agreed for them to sort it and we would pay providing of course that it would be family suitable (should go without saying!) We got a loan and transferred our money.

DSM asked when my DH's holiday time was (he works teacher hours so has set holidays) and we gave them a decent 4 week period to choose from within their dates.

They picked the week DH was back at work instead. And booked it before telling us. DH has had to use his only free days of the year. Fucking great.

Now I've found out exactly where we are booked. I really can't see it working at all. It's a lavish, upscale apartment smack bang in the city centre, nowhere near a beach, surrounded by a 4 lane road, nothing but very fancy restaurants and even a Louis Vuitton store. It is self catering and not a swimming pool in sight. We, unlike DF these days, are poor working class Northerners making do shopping in Lidl and Aldi and I can't see us enjoying this at all. It's a really upmarket area!

My kids are pretty great behaviour wise but I can't imagine their wont be bored to tears.

Please, please, someone, tell me Barcelona is actually a hidden gem for Primary aged children holidaying and despite what it looks like, we're going to have affordable fun.
If not DSM will get to bitch about how terrible my kids are along with DSis's. I just want to cancel the whole damn thing and book a proper family holiday but our money is gone now.

Another thought : as this trip has now been booked, you need to get some holiday insurance booked NOW for your family so if it gets cancelled for some reason, you can claim some/all of your money back.

Just a thought but if you have never been out of the country do you have passports ?
If not you will need to get a wiggle on as they can take some time !

So you took out a loan to go on a holiday at a time that doesn't suit, to a place that meets none of your criteria of family friendly, and with a woman you don't like. What could go wrong?

More fool you for handing over the money! Who in their right mind would do that before they know how much it will cost?

YABU to start moaning about your SM for doing what you knew she would do.

A more apt title would be: Do you think IABU for whinging after taking out a loan and paying up front for a holiday that doesn’t suit our family or work situation? Pretty sure you’d get a unanimous yes!

Now you’re going though, you need to get your act together for your children, as they will get as much out of it as you put in. If you turn up thinking it will be hell, it most likely will be, because they will pick up on your emotions and run with them.

I think you are worrying about nothing, Barcelona is a great city, we have been with the kids a number of times and at different ages and always had a good time, there is a lot to see, the food is fantastic and the people are generally, friendly, hospitable and love children (in fact, much more kid friendly than the UK!)

Of curse we all have different tastes and I can see that all-inclusive, resort holidays may be relaxing, but travelling should also be about discovering and learning about new places, why pay huge amounts of money to lounge around a pool that could be anywhere else in the world? take your kids to the museums, show them the amazing architecture, if you don't over do it and intersperse it with more playful activities they will enjoy it! Mine loved the Gaudi buildings, found them bizarre and fantastic.

And BTW, you haven't been a mug, you just trusted your family to think of your needs, too, totally normal, I think it's your DSM that is in the wrong here, not you!

Considering the holiday your father’s wife booked last time, I wouldn’t have agreed to transfer money until the trip was booked. That way you could have said a) that’s not the dates we gave b) not child friendly and c) we were very clear not to book with our approval. I’m not berating you. I’ve been manipulated a lot in my time. And had a lot of therapy. 5 or maybe even 3 years ago, I would likely have done the same as you.

So now, you need to make the best of it and learn from this experience. This holiday is family time. That is your family unit. Of course you can spend time together. But you don’t need to be joined at the hip or do any of the child unfriendly things she/they may wish to do.

Perhaps do a bit of research and send an email/text to them saying how excited you are about the holiday. List a bunch of activities you want to do as a family and ask them what appeals to them. That way, you’ll have put your desires in first and they won’t be able to paint you as totally unreasonable when you don’t want to tag along on the shopping spree, visits to the art museum and 5 day straight of sightseeing. And yes, you have live in baby sitters so that’s definitely a plus.

Sounds like a good deal tbh. Barcelona is great and would you really want to be stuck in a resort with someone who doesn't like kids. This way everyone gets a bit of what they want and you don't have to spend every second of every day together.

Make this holiday about what your family can get out of it.

If DF & DSM want to go out to high end restaurants wave them off. You dont have to join them.

If DF & DSM want to go and do things which dont sound like something you & your family will enjoy then again wave them off.

As you know with DCs the secret is to plan & for those plans to be flexible.

This holiday may not be one you would have chosen but you can choose to enjoy it.

Next time you go on holiday with anyone please:
Don't expect them to book for you & transfer the money

Don't take a loan out

Make sure you have passports etc

Ask friend/relation to give you details of hotel/resort so you can book yourself. I always do this and book nearby and never at the same place where the others are staying. I end up staying friends for longer this way as I then won't be irritated by people's awkward habits.

You’ll have a great time. Dd loved Barcelona aged 8. Gaudi, Zoo, Cable cars. We also just wandered round the city. The markets do great fruit and veg, buy cheeses and cold meats to go with it.

Do your research and I’m sure you will find plenty of fun, cheap things to do.

www.timeout.com/barcelona/barcelona-for-kids
Don't write off a city holiday with kids, they're much more fun then sitting on a beach for a week.

I think you and your family will love it. Do plenty of research before you go on attractions and you will be fine. If your Stepmother has tried to set you up like your sibling she has failed. Happy holiday.

So you took out a loan to go on a holiday at a time that doesn't suit, to a place that meets none of your criteria of family friendly, and with a woman you don't like

^ This. It never ceases to amaze me much of a pushover people can be. You even had your sister's example, why on earth did you agree to this 'holiday'?

When she booked for the wrong dates, that was the time to say no. It's pretty black and white. He's a teacher, those are his holiday dates, she ignored them. If you caved at that, you're asking to be walked all over.

Sounds like you're going to suck it up and make the best of it so I hope it works out. But very bizarre to have the sister's example and then to go along with this so passively. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

OP you do have travel insurance don't you? If not get some today

They picked the week DH was back at work instead. And booked it before telling us. DH has had to use his only free days of the year.

I don't understand this. If he is back at work, he can't go, can he? And how are these "free days"?

“It's just that every time I've mentioned the holiday to anyone I've been met with an odd expression and the question, "Barcelona? With kids? Why on Earth are you taking them there?"“

What a lot of unimaginative people you must know then. I can’t see any problem with taking kids to Barcelona and can’t imagine what those people are so baffled about. A family holiday doesn’t have to be all chicken nuggets and kiddy amusements you know. Barcelona will be fantastic. Where’s your sense of curiosity and wonder or that of your friends?

OP Barcelona is an incredible city - and the Spanish absolutely love children - it's not like visiting an English city. You will be able to take your kids out through the city/ to the beach and you will have lots to look at and see - and because it's so child friendly you can just stop and eat wherever you like.

I think you are overworrying a bit - although the location sounds a bit urban - self catering is better surely? food in spain is cheaper than england - and I always prefer self catering with kids.

I think it sounds like a good holiday personally - just make sure you look up lots of kid friendly things to do in Barcelona.

And I agree with the others...you gave them dates which they ignored. No idea why you agreed to any of it.

Oh and yes, they have children in Barcelona as well. There will be stuff for them to do there. Don’t know why you think there won’t. Odd of you.

I thought that. I don’t know any teachers with free days. Other than in the holidays!

Why is it dsm not df fault? Is he just a passenger? Does he not care about you and your dc? Why did you think Barcelona would not be like thus?/ It's all a bit passive for me two holidays you haven't enjoyed booked by someone you dislike.

OP why are you going on holiday that you can't afford , to a place you don't really want to go, with people you don't like ?

Sounds batshit to me.

Barcelona is lovely, I wouldn’t have thought it was for kids (most people I know have gone there for stag/hens/city breaks/day trips from other places in Spain) though I bow to others superior knowledge. Went on my friends hen do a few years ago. There are some reasonable priced places for eating out but I found it so expensive generally. We had tickets for the sightseeing buses which were good value and a good way to see a lot of the sights. Avoid places like Starbucks - they’re everywhere (IIRC) but even more expensive than the UK. Also avoid bars/restaurants around Port Olympico - my friend was charged 80 Euros for a bottle of wine!

I think you are unreasonable to have expected DF to have gone on a beach all inclusive to mark his special birthday , and to pay half for all 5 of you , when it’s clearly not something he or DSM would enjoy.
And how can your husband take time off when you clearly said he can’t take those dates ?
Chill , Barcelona is a great city. Lots to see and do.
And in future learn to say no.