AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

And yes I have asked about changing facilities
It’s coming ..... rhys the answer

Yabu. Why does your son and your feelings come above any women or girls in the changing room?

Wait for the disabled changing room or get him changed descretely poolside.

Or maybe get him a onesie he could put on after the lesson and her can get changed at home.

Why is this not the case?
Enlighten me.

Well, if women are uncomfortable with a young boy, how would they be with an adult male in helping his daughter in the women's facilities? Turn that around and you have your answer.

OP is simply asking why someone would rather complain about a boy being in the changing facilities where he is perfectly entitled to be than use a provided cubicle. Some poster have given their reasons. No-ones rights here trump anyone else's but it's not a great situation for anyone really.

If there is always a long queue for the disabled changing room, the centre should really start to make some changes.

@starfish2020

You posted in AIBU which should be renamed "Please jump all over me and call me names unless I have made up a story about somebody being a "CF" in which case you can all cheerlead my super believable live updates and increasing cast of cringely nicknamed characters"

AIBU is snappier though.

But he is working the age allowed!!!!!
How many times can I state this!

If the facilities do not work for you and your family, ask for/campaign for/heck, fundraise for better facilities. This will make the world a better place and improve the experience for others in the future.

If the facilities do not work for you and your family, do NOT take the facilities away from other people. This is the very opposite of the equality of access you claim you wish to achieve, make the world a worse place and affect the experience negatively for others in the future.

Blanket advice for pretty much all accessibility issues. Repeat ad infinitum.

Of course disabled children have the same rights. But their disability may mean they can't have the same opportunities in exactly the same way.

One persons rights should not trample on other people's rights.

@starfish2020

What on earth are you going on about? You are not being told he doesn’t have the same rights. You are, in fact, being told he has EXACTLY the same rights. Every other child who turns 9 cannot use the group changing of the opposite sex. When your son turns 9 he cannot use the group changing of the opposite sex. He has exactly the same rights. The way you speak just make its harder for issues to be sorted because people get so angry at your martyrdom and self entitlement, so they won’t want to fix the problem.

Why can you not just put him in a cubicle and stand in the doorway? You say no one else uses the cubicles, so no one will see. And even if they’d walk past, they can’t see anything. There will be enough space for you to lean in from the door, unless they are the size of a locker.

Why does your son and your feelings come above any women or girls in the changing room

Why do theirs come above his? They are not breaking the rules.

We do appreciate that having a child with SN is not easy. And that he should be able to go swimming. Of course we do.

Do speak to the swimming pool and ask them to prioritise finding your son an alternative slot as a reasonable adjustment to their lack of appropriate changing facilities. Because your DS deserves privacy to change and enough space and time to do this in, and he doesn’t need people assuming he’s older and commenting that he’s in the female character going room. You say he’s oblivious, but he (and neither of you need the situation to be stressful.

Are there any other pools in your local area you could go to?

It wouldn't bother me at all, my boys are teens now but I wouldn't and didn't send them into the men's until they were ready...I was also reassured that they had each other.

I also have a 7yo DD and she does not like young boys in the changing room whatsoever, so we use a cubicle.

It really is a dilemma that only family changing rooms can address.

He pays no attention to people around him, he stares at the floor

And how exactly are the women and girls getting changed supposed to know this?

A young girl who is uncomfortable at least has the choice of a private cubicle.

Your DS does have a choice. He can either use the private cubicle in the female changing rooms with you blocking the doorway or use the disabled facilities.

And girls with SN use the female changing facilities too. What if a girl with SN was uncomfortable changing in front of your DS? Should she just have to suck it up because your DS is more important?

And Mirrivan I know that it is generally men who objectify women sexual and are sometimes a physical danger to them.

But it's still unacceptable for adult women to be in the men's area. And there's no more or less about it; it's binary. Acceptable or not. And this is not.

Then work away as you’re entitled to. But he’s nearly at the end of the age allowed so you really will have to force a solution somehow.

Within not working lol

Where on earth has anyone said that disabled children don’t have the same rights as non disabled children?

Young girls with special needs or not often need help changing. Even if it’s just to speed things up. I don’t think having to go into a cubicle each time just in case s big appears is a workable solution.

Where on earth has anyone said that disabled children don’t have the same rights as non disabled children?

OP decided to throw that one in when things weren't going 100% her way and has just repeated it ad infinitum ever since. They've been the only person who's thrown that in on the thread.

Why is it automatically the women who get inconvenienced? Why is it their privacy and dignity being breached?

It's not though is it? Plenty of men would have to take their 8 year old daughter into the male facilities and maybe that makes some of the men uncomfortable. However it's not them that have posted this thread.

Could they knock 2 or 3 cubicles together so you could use them ?

ID your son as a girl.

Problem solved.

(You lost me at “prancing”)

Why do theirs come above his?

Because it's a female changing room.

You know, as in a changing room with girls and women.

Damn right their needs and wants come before a boys in their space.

But op why does your disabled son have more rights than a disabled girl who won't fit in a cubicle with her mum and has a reasonable expectation she doesn't need to use the disabled room because there won't be boys in the girls changing room?