AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

Whilst it wouldn’t bother me as an adult, you do have to consider that there will be younger/teenage girls in there that may well feel uncomfortable about the prospect of a 9/10 or older boy in their changing room so I’m afraid YABU. You will have to check me to another solution. It’s terrible that there’s only 1 disabled changing room though.

Is there really no other space he can use at all? As I said earlier my ds get changed for his swimming lesson in the party room and there are a couple of store cupboard type rooms which they’ve let us use a few times too! It tends to be the old fashioned ‘stand alone’ swimming pools (rather than those in a leisure centre or gym) that seem to have these issues. The two near us are fully aware that people generally expect mixed sex, individual changing rooms now. But they don’t have that so they accommodate as best they can. The people that work there will try and help you find a solution, they don’t want unhappy customers.

I am happy to use the disabled change room
I also would happily wait for it
But he has a space at a certain time and I can’t change that.

Move over wimmin. A boy man needs something.

If there's not enough disabled access units you need to speak to the leisure centre management rather than assume that all women are being unreasonable.

I don't think either you or the women who don't want older boys in the changing room are being unreasonable in wanting changing facilities that meet all your needs, which it seems the pool does not provide enough of. I hope you find a solution that makes your life easier before DS turns 9. You might start lobbying the pool management about the lack of facilities now. Your son will deserve privacy from female members of the public seeing him naked as he gets older too.

A young lad with special needs who needed to be with his Mum would not bother me in the slightest

Me neither. It may not be obvious though, her DS may appear perfectly capable of getting changed by himself when he is with her. She may only need to provide a couple of prompts.

It's a tricky one. Visible vs invisible disibility.

I found @IceBearRocks post really sad (in the true meaning of the word). It depresses me greatly that parents of disabled children have to resign themselves to such intolerance and inconvenience on top of everything else.

OP why did you post if you're unwilling to listen to anyone?

I think you started being goady in the first post when you talking about women prouncing around naked in a space where they're entitled to be naked without expecting to see a boy who looks 10/11 and subsequent responses have just been insulting.

I'm not unwise just because I would not want to be changing with my daughters (we couldn't fit in a cubicle together) without an apparent 10/11 year old boy in the vicinity. My 9 year old girl is getting a bit conscious of her body and if you had your way the cubicles might be full. Why should she feel uncomfortable in front of your son?

Honestly I don’t know how I have come acros as entitled. I really am not.
Having a child with SN is not easy
No family to help either
I am trying to do the best for my boy. Physio said he needs to go swimming.
Yes it’s bad no decent disabled facilities available
Yes it’s bad women feel uncomfortable.
But they do have a choice and I don’t
He is of the age that’s allowed, and for another 10 months I don’t have to worry
After that I don’t know what I will do.

For those saying just get the swimming provider to provide more disabled facilities, it’s not easy!

People have been campaigning for years!

Are the cubicles very small? Is there room for me to help my 5 year old dd to get dried and dressed in private?

Honestly I don’t know how I have come acros as entitled.

Telling women to just bog off and use a cubicle because you and your son need the space is really very entitled.

And then complaining that they're "prouncing" [sic] around in the women's chaging rooms.

Why don't you go talk to the center about this issue instead of telling women to go do one if they don't like your son in their changing room?

@MirriVan

Turn it around - if this was a girl and her dad, would you say he should take her into the women’s changing and go with her as her career?

If not, then there’s your answer. Men and teenage boys will be changing in their; they should not have to be confronted by a woman in there. That is the men’s space, just like the women’s changing is the women’s space.

Women are complaining because he looks older than he is, no one can do anything about that. Personally, any age from 7 upwards and I’d say you need to start separating but holding off until they turn 9 is reasonable.

Our swimming pool is children 8 and above have to use same sex changing rooms or disabled changing facilities

But they do have a choice and I don’t

Except you do have a choice. Quite a few of them actually. You just don't like what they are and would rather women move over and STFU because you need the changing room and your needs are more important.

Thank you every one for making me see I am unreasonable
Disabled children don’t clearly have the same right as non disabled ones.
It makes me sad to see this.
It’s not his fault he looks older. He pays no attention to people around him, he stares at the floor
He is no threat to anyone.
A young girl who is uncomfortable at least has the choice of a private cubicle.
Anyway, thanks. It’s been enlightening

Im thinking more your sons dignity Starfish.

Trunks underneath clothes, is ok for when you get there. Doesn’t really help the changing after!

It’s not nice for him either, all the looks, tutting etc🙁

The ‘fuck em’ approach is fine, until your son becomes more aware

You came across as entitled from the moment you started ranting about those naked women prancing around in the changing room. I bet they're not actually prancing around (the way you word it makes it sound like they're just nipple tassles short of a bloody lap dance) - but they're not hiding their shame and vacating the space as rapidly as you deem they should do so you can have it for yourself.

Then just stropping at anyone who disagrees with you added to it.

"I 'm really starting to think that past an age where a boy starts to make any woman feel uncomfortable in their space = he should be in the men's. With his female carer if necessary (baring any alternative suitable for all, obvs).

Why is this not the case?
Enlighten me."

Because the female carer cannot go in the men's area; that's a breach of their privacy and dignity. There are many places from which men wrongly exclude women but a male changing room is not one of them.

That's why.
Enlightened?

Oh here we go...