AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

Op you’ve had a lot of helpful suggestions on her and you’ve said yourself that you realise it’s the lack of appropriate facilities that is the issue rather than the women who felt uncomfortable (although complaining after you’d said he was shitty and unnecessary).

If I were you I’d hide this thread now. All you’re going to get is more people who haven’t read the full thread or who just want to pile in and make twatty comments to make you feel like shit.

I can't believe anyone would seriously suggest excluding her disabled son from the swimming pool! An eight year old is perfectly entitled to be in the female changing room with his mother, even if he had no disability.

If you have to quote use the full quote not just the bit that suits your agenda!

Perhaps they should decrease the size of that changing room and put in a few disabled changing rooms. That would solve the problem. Of course other people would moan then but people without disabilities can't expect to have everything they want.

If I were you I’d hide this thread now

Good idea, done ✅

You asked AIBU and yes you are B U op....almost everyone has told you that and yet you don't seem to want to listen. To not B U, you need to:

1. use disabled cubicle if free or wait until free, but definitely have swimwear under clothes on arrival so you can't be late for lesson. Or
2. use single cubicle in ladies (until he is 9) with the door open and you stand in the door frame to help him Or
3. change him poolside under an elasticated-topped towel Or
4. find another pool

Oh and women do not 'prance around butt naked', they simply use the ladies changing room for its intended use: getting changed! They should not have to use cubicles.

This is an easily sorted issue, please be sensible and sort it out for your boy's sake.

Lots of people have not told the OP she is being unreasonable! Just the ones who haven’t bothered to read the thread it seems!

And people wonder why the OP could possibly be upset, angry and frustrated!

A fuck off emoji would come in handy!

I also see zero need for female only changing areas. My leisure centre doesn't have them. There are cubicles of different sizes (even a small one could fit a parent and child). The OP said there were thousands of cubicles available if you want to be naked in the main changing room suck it up if not use a cubicle.

tootstastic

NO! Plenty of people have told her she is NOT BU. Why is she BU? Her child is 8 he has a right to be there. She has no objection to anyone being naked . If they have a problem being naked that is their issue and they can use the cubicle.

Honestly some people are both stupid and unpleasant. You don't have a right to a female only space. Use a cubicle if you feel uncomfortable. An 8 year old boy can be in the female changing room. If an older child was in there and I felt uncomfortable I'd use a cubicle. If you want a space to be naked around women without any male children there create one in your own home. Don't make it difficult for people like OP to use public facilities because of your own selfishness.

Sorry Starfish people like tootstastic are just obnoxious and used to getting everything they want. Most of us don't share that kind of idiotic mindset. I would definitely hide this thread

I get there is only 1 but it can’t be full every single time you go, you might just have to wait to use it if it’s occupied. I’m very sorry but I think YABU. Special needs son and would use the (one) accessible changing area

mummypeepee

Why should she wait to use the disabled changing room he's entitled to use the female one as he is less than 9. If anyone doesn't like it they can use the cubicles as there are plenty open.

I'm really not sure how I'm being 'obnoxious' because I suggested the op was being unreasonable to an AIBU question. But okaaay

I feel for you because I went through exactly this myself. My ds is very tall and always looked older than he was, so from the age of 6/7 I was being challenged by other women in the changing room. He has ASD and was not ready to go in the men's changing room on his own till he was about 10.

Your only option really is to talk to the staff and find out what the rules are.

tootstastic your tone was onboxious to someone in a difficult position. You're also clearly wrong. An 8 year old is allowed in the female changing room. This is just common sense. If YOU don't like it YOU need to take action (pretty simple since there are loads of cubicles). I really don't understand how that could be hard to grasp, but OK.

I’ve read the whole thread and think she’s being unreasonable. She can take her son in until he’s 9. He looks 10 or 11 so the woman in question thought he was 10 or 11. We’ve no evidence that she felt uncomfortable being naked or any evidence at all about her attitude or demeanor. She didn’t embarrass the OP or cause a huge fuss. She said it to the staff attending who took it upon themselves to check his age, even though the op is constantly there and constantly asking for better changing facilities, they didn’t appear to know him or his age. The op decided to rage against the woman not the lack of facilities.

Hundreds, no 'tone' intended. Yes, I expressed my YABU opinion and pointed out that most other people think YABU too, along with alternative suggestions, nothing obnoxious.

And** I guess you missed my option 2 - stay in ladies until age 9 with door open.

Sorry op, no wish to derail thread (or be obnoxious)

Yet another AIBU thread where the OP doesn't actually want to hear that they are BU.

Quite simply, you are being selfish and impractical about this situation.

Any swimming pool I have been to has a neutral area full of large two person or family cubicles to be used by everyone,. I find it strange that you only have access to a male or female area. I would seriously change your location. Whilst the swimming pool you use SHOULD have neutral changing facilities, it hasn't and that ISN'T an excuse for you to make other women uncomfortable.

Find alternative arrangements , it will benefit you and others.

He is 8.He is allowed to be there. The swimming pool makes the rules not you. If someone doesn't like the rule, they can find another pool.

I’ve read the whole thread, at first I thought maybe the OP might be being a bit unreasonable. Until I asked questions and she replied and I read her comments!

It’s a swimming lesson, an allotted time. No time to wait for disabled facilities. Or too much discomfort and stress for her ds.

OP cannot change him in a female cubicle, not big enough.

He is 8 and ‘allowed’ in female changing.

I gladly support all initiatives for better facilities.

Find alternative arrangements , it will benefit you and others.

Oh why didn’t I think of that?
Oh wait, I did and it’s not that easy.
If only life was that simple