Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

902 replies

starfish2020 · 08/05/2018 18:50

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 23:21

But even with a disability he’s still a person and will be s young man soon. Because there’s shitty facilities at her pool , doesn’t negate that either.

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 23:21

Definately don’t stop fighting. But don’t waste your precious energy fight with and insulting the wrong people either.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 23:23

Op I'm really sorry about some of the comments on here. Please don't stop your child going to the pool. i think asking each week at the pool is possibly a good idea but only from the point of view that it constantly brings to the fore the issue that you are having. It also means that if anyone does go to the desk to complain, they already have the answer to give which is that you are changing him where you've been given permission to do so.

Samcro · 09/05/2018 23:23

it is not entitled to expect to be able to take a disabled child swimming.
it is not entitled to expect people to accept that having a disabled child make life different.

this thread is odd,\so many women saying op should do something else. that she should use the one disabled changing room.
now I have been here on mn and seen the
disabled toilet threads.....they are just accessible any one can use them.
wheelchair spaces on buses.....well what if the baby was there first.

but here we have a disabled person using a female space and its wrong imo just shows how fucked up the world is.

Original poster
starfish2020 · 09/05/2018 23:26

If I have insulted anyone please forgive me as I wasn’t aware of it.
I didn’t actually think I insulted anyone here but I could be wrong

OP posts:
FuckingHateRain · 09/05/2018 23:32

Slane your comments are nasty ... im sick of them I'm reporting them

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 23:32

OP your original post was a bit aggressive but understandably so in my opinion. That got some people's backs up and they were aggressive back (as far as I can remember) you probably then tried to hold your own. I think as soon as some of the more understanding posters arrived you were able to articulate your actual issue more calmly. I don't think you insulted anyone either as that is against the site rules and surely they would have reported the post and had it removed. It can also be frustrating when people keep getting the wrong end of the stick/not reading the thread and reacting purely on the basis of your OP.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 23:37

Some people also can't see beyond the end of their own nose. It's frustrating. Anyway I need to go to bed but keep your chin up. Also remember that even with the attitude from some people, they are doing what we all do which is defend and support our own DC. It is however a sad state of affairs when we can't (and teach our children to) put aside our own wants and needs to help someone else who needs it more.

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 23:37

Report away.
Her boy is nearly 9. Lots of people are trying to offer suggestions as to what she might do in future.
If people in her pool are uncomfortable ( not me) people have offered suggestions to keep people happy. Not all of them great admittedly but trying to be helpful.
The op s problem is with the woman who complained. She might have an issue with facilities but it’s not the point of the thread. If she posted she’s sick of the lack of facilities, everyone would wholeheartedly agree with her. Because they are appalling.
She had one complaint all year and is sick of the stress. But that’s always going to happen as her little boy approaches the cut off age.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 23:42

Lots of people are trying to offer suggestions as to what she might do in future. and lots are being utter cunts. It's also not her job to keep people happy.

Never has the proverb that there are none so blind as those that will not see been so apt.

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 23:55

She doesn’t have to keep people happy but in 10 months if her pool doesn’t build facilities, she will have to think of something whether people are cunts or not, 10 months will fly by. We can all stroke her hair and tell her it’s crap. But she knows it’s crap, she doesn’t need to be told. She needs a fast workable solution.

Original poster
starfish2020 · 10/05/2018 00:00

Slanetylor
I honestly think you just don’t get it.
🤔

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 10/05/2018 00:03

Then explain it to me slowly.

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/05/2018 00:11

There aren't words that are slow enough.

MiddleMoffat · 10/05/2018 00:21

My son doesn’t want to go alone anywhere and he is ablivious to naked people around him. He is not even registering it

Girls and young women don't want to see your son in a female space.

You are fighting the wrong people - you don't get to trounce the rights of other because your needs are not being met.

Slanetylor · 10/05/2018 00:22

nice. Thanks.

MiddleMoffat · 10/05/2018 00:22

Upthread you said My son doesn’t want to go alone anywhere and he is ablivious to naked people around him. He is not even registering it

Girls and young women don't want to see your son in a female space.

You are fighting the wrong people - you don't get to trounce the rights of other because your needs are not being met.

mousecar · 10/05/2018 00:29

@WaxOnFeckOff have you reported these yet? might be worth reminding mumsnet they have a duty to protect their users from harassment on the basis of a protected characteristic. Maybe some people should just be banned from threads about disability if they can't get it - this is getting ridiculous.

there are no rights being trounced other than the OP's and her son's MiddleMoffat - he's under the age limit.

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/05/2018 00:36

Mouse it wasn't me that was going to report. Honestly I wouldn't know where to start! I really do despair. I must be mixing in very closeted circles because I really didn't realise that people were quite so thick, ignorant, entitled and plain horrible. And I thought I was intolerant!

mousecar · 10/05/2018 00:37

WaxOnFeckOff- ah sorry - could bear to read back! FWOOOOOOF.

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/05/2018 00:39

I see it's only girls and young women. Can't work out if that's ageist or just appreciative that maybe understanding and tolerance develop with maturity?

mousecar · 10/05/2018 00:40

(couldn't).

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/05/2018 00:40

No probs mouse. :)

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/05/2018 00:41

And I really need to get to sleep as I'm up in 5 and a half hours!

Mamaryllis · 10/05/2018 00:42

On a practical note - things we have done:
Use the disabled changing room
Use pools with family changing cubicles
Find disabled swim club with same sex volunteer to aid changing
Change swim time so that same sex volunteer can take child swimming
Pay for 1-1 lessons in private pool