AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

The OP may not have seemed the approachable type. Even so she was busy dressing and tending her son. I’m not sure many would approach a woman that clearly had her hands full.

maybe it was the fact that he was naughty that was more of the issue and it's easier to complain that the mother was in there than it is to say that there is a child who can't behave himself?

Well then Slaney are you seriously suggesting that the OP has no right to feel annoyed?

I’m not sure many would approach a woman that clearly had her hands full.

But rather than think, "oh that woman's got her hands full but I'm a bit uncomfortable as he looks older than 8, I'll pop into a cubicle", she would rather go and complain to staff? How many 10/11 year olds usually let their parent dry and dress them unless they absolutely need to (i.e. they have additional needs)? Surely the clue was in the circumstances?

@WaxOnFeckOff And just to add, again, it's not a woman only space. It's an area where women, girls and boys under age 9 can get changed.

Well, to be specific, it IS for women and girls - and those boys under age 9 who are not able to use the male changing rooms (because there will be and are boys of that age who are quite capable of doing so)

It's not really "their" changing room as much as a courtesy/aid to the mothers. Otherwise it'd be called "females and boys (

because as the OP has pointed out many times, there are rules. The OP is clear the rule is up to 9. The other woman was pointing out the rule appeared to be broken.

Oh right shots I didn't know that you'd read the sign.....

because as the OP has pointed out many times, there are rules. The OP is clear the rule is up to 9. The other woman was pointing out the rule appeared to be broken.

But it wasn't. I'm not really sure what point you are trying to make to be honest.

andrewofgg op hasn't said if the pool is privately owned or council owned but to some extent it's irrelevant. If op is being ignored by the leisure centre with her request for better facilities perhaps these Councillors and their charity contacts could help her to lobby on behalf of their members. People often write to MPs about something that is not in the MPs remit and sometimes a good MP will ask a few questions that pushes an issue up the priority list.

I do feel for op (although as I said yesterday I suspect my dd would be uncomfortable with a boy who looks 11 in her changing room) and hope she can sort this out and trying to offer support as I can see the swimming pool has put her in a terrible position.

The whole point of the thread is that the OP wanted to rant that a woman thought her 8 year old son ( who looks 10 or 11) was 10 or 11.
So the other woman was totally and utterly reprehensible for thinking such a thing? You are entitled to believe that. I’m entitled to believe she wasn’t.

Who has said that she was? As I posted above, even the OP believed that she'd been venting at the person when the issue was with the facilities. I additionally said that the whole thing could have been avoided with some communication. My personal thoughts are that the woman might not have been happy with the boy being there regardless but if it was in the rules then she had to suck it up. But I have no evidence for that.

That’s probably what happened. She probably wouldn’t have mentioned it if she wasn’t uncomfortable. And also it might not be the presence of a boy either, he’s just coming into that age where people are more comfortable with people having more dignity and privacy. It’s fine for a young boy to lie out across a bench to be dressed.

If you do not feel you should wait for the disabled cubicle on the off-chance it is occupied, then why don't you take a towelling robe for hm to put on after and some flip flops and drive home to get changed- it is summer!
You really can't go round demanding your DS has access to a protected single sex space when he turns 9!

bytw i have never come across a pool with opposite sex rule up to 9! It is usually 7 or 8

I’d be really uncomfortable in the men’s changing rooms
Depends on the men

It might be summer where you are, apart from the weekend gone, the temperature where I am is about 9/10 degrees though the forecast is to reach the dizzy heights of 12 and full sunshine possible tomorrow. Definitely not suitable for someone to be sitting about in wet clothes in, even if they are then in a car. And the OP has stated that she doesn't intend using it when he turns 9 but is feeling anxious and frustrated about her forthcoming lack of options. It's a shitty situation.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I'd hardly consider an 8 year old boy with special needs to be a threat to anyone. Not sure why anyone would.

If you are consistantly being made to feel uncomfortable by others, it could be worth lobbying for more appropriate changing facilities to be made available but until that happens I'd say anyone who feels that threatened by an 8 yr old could use a cubicle or get a reality check - he's 8!!

No one has felt threatened surely

It wouldn't bother me, but if I had DD's with me I wouldn't want them having to see a boy of that age getting changed.
Ask the staff for use of the disabled changing room or an alternative if its not available.

I know I seem to be in a minority, but it wouldn't worry me if a child who needed support was in the changing facilities beyond age 9 or indeed if their male carer came into the changing with a daughter who needed support. I'd simply use the cubicles available or wait until one was free as I am a grown adult and can wrap myself in a towel for a bit.

So Happy how old are your DDs that they couldn't see a naked 8 year old?

I'm also assuming that the OP is dressing her son as discretely as possible in the circumstances to maintain his dignity though at 8 he probably doesn't give a toss. Funnily my DSs at that age were happy to run about naked in the house but hated getting caught in only their pants.

Because you’re a grown woman. But my husband has to leave my young daughters get dressed in the women’s in their own.

But my husband has to leave my young daughters get dressed in the women’s in their own.

Oh the irony....

I presume they are too old to use the Male changing but are capable of getting themselves changed? Can your husband not tell them to use the cubicles? Can you not tell them before they go to use a cubicle? Are there eyes going to melt if they happen to catch sight of an 8 year olds penis?