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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

902 replies

starfish2020 · 08/05/2018 18:50

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:01

Yep, isn't it a revelation that people can in fact use a cubicle and not "prounce" around naked after all! :)

queenofsass · 09/05/2018 19:03

8 year old boys are too old to be in women's changing rooms.You have a disabled one- use that! If it is occupied you will just have to wait.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:12

8 year old boys are too old to be in women's changing rooms.You have a disabled one- use that! If it is occupied you will just have to wait.

So you'd be quite happy to wait up to 40 minutes to get dried and changed then? Never mind that this is a vulnerable child that you are suggesting should just wait in his cold wet costume in order to allow grown women to be naked and comfortable when they could easily just use a cubicle if they want to be private.

Sometimes I am utterly disgusted by the people that I have to share a planet with.

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 19:16

But they don’t know he’s coming so they might be naked when he arrives.

Andrewofgg · 09/05/2018 19:17

StealthNinjaMum You say

As I mentioned my local council has a committee of councillors (and other local charities) who are responsible for making the area (and council run / owned services) more friendly for people with disabilities.

No, the councillors are responsible only for council run/owned services. If the pool in question is private-sector it's nothing to do with the council or the local charities.

OreoMini · 09/05/2018 19:20

But they don’t know he’s coming so they might be naked when he arrives

Pick up your towel then and wrap it around yourself and go in the cubicle

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/05/2018 19:25

This thread is so sad
My 8 year olds Play Lego , cuddle their toys , don’t really know what sex is

They are children / and have no interest in the female naked form . I find the inference that 8 is too old really dispiriting and depressing

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 19:25

So when the OPs boy comes in everyone picks their towels , bags, clothes and toiletries and runs to the cubicles. That will be a confidence booster for the OP.

ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen · 09/05/2018 19:25

Why not take him into the men's changing rooms and tell any men who are uncomfortable by your presence they can use the private cubicles? Everyone wins.

OreoMini · 09/05/2018 19:30

Slanetylor no, just the ones that are uncomfortable with a 8 year old disabled child coming into the changing room.

No one needs to run to the changing cubicles either, walking would be fine.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:33

So when the OPs boy comes in everyone picks their towels , bags, clothes and toiletries and runs to the cubicles. That will be a confidence booster for the OP.

Or they could assume, since the rules are that boys under 9 can use the facilities, that at any point an under 9 year old boy may arrive and if they aren't comfortable to be naked in those circumstances, they could just use a cubicle in the first place.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:35

Why not take him into the men's changing rooms and tell any men who are uncomfortable by your presence they can use the private cubicles? Everyone wins.

I'm sure neither the OP or her son would object to that, but that is not the rules of the centre, the centre allows accompanied children of the opposite sex to use the changing room until they are 9.

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 19:37

She reasonably thought them boy was 11. She wasn’t expecting an 11 year old. She may not have been uncomfortable at all, she may have a young daughter who changes in there on her own, or she may be a stickler for rules. She may have been politely told the boy was only 8 and said “grand so, my mistake, I thought he was older” and went calmly about her day without knowing the OP was ranting about her.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:38

...and in my experience of men, most would probably just note that there was a woman there and realise she was assisting her child and just crack on and use a cubicle if required with no ensuing drama. My teen DSs would be uncomfortable to be naked but would be perfectly happy just to use a cubicle.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:40

No she didn't slaney - read the OP?

Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!

Granted she could have legitimately have thought he was older.

zzzzz · 09/05/2018 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 09/05/2018 19:45

Not trying to be goody - what will you do when he's 14,15 etc and presumably still needs help. Surely you won't still take him in then?

Slanetylor · 09/05/2018 19:45

Em yes, she complained that there was an older boy in changing room but it was looked into and presumably communicated to her that boy was 8.
She then had a hissy fit and posted about the incident here. No, that was the OP.

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 09/05/2018 19:45

*goady

KERALA1 · 09/05/2018 19:46

My friend took her son into the men's and several men went mad and complained etc there was drama aplenty so I don't buy the "men are just so relaxed" line

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:47

Strangely although I'm not keen on being naked myself, I have no issue with other people, male or female being naked so it wouldn't worry me. I've taken my DSs into the gents toilets on many occasions when they were too young to go in alone and there was too big a queue for the ladies. No-one ever batted an eyelid as far as I could tell.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:52

KERALA - that's fine, that's not been my experience in terms of using gents toilets or maybe just the men I know tend to be pretty laid back.

presumably communicated to her that boy was 8 who knows if it was or not? OP was upset and frustrated as she has already been trying to resolve the issue and it could have been easily avoided with a bit of communication.

Naked lady: Do you know that the rule is that boys need to be under 9?
OP: yes i do, my son is 8 and also needs assistance to dry and dress.
Naked lady: Well he looks older
OP: yes he does but he is still 8

KERALA1 · 09/05/2018 19:52

Eyelids were certainly batted in our local pool. My poor friend was she didn't feel she could take her ds into the ladies but hes quite naughty and easily distracted so she popped in to the men's to assist and it didn't go down well...

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:56

Glenn if you read the thread, the OP is trying to get a solution as she will no longer be able to legitimately take him to the ladies to change when he is 9. He needs the swimming as it helps with his mobility. It's a shit situation not made any easier by people moaning that he is there when they have an easier way to resolve it (using a cubicle) than the OP does. She already uses the accessible facilities when possible even though it's not particular well organised. However people would seem to want her to leave him wet and uncomfortable while waiting instead of using the facilities he has every right to be in.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/05/2018 19:57

and how old was he Kerala?

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