AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

Ah right, so it's okay for other peoples children, as per the policy to see grown men's willies but not for yours, unless of course it's their dads....okaaaay.

There's no reason at all to think he's going to make anyone unsafe
Nobody is saying OP's son will make women unsafe. But as he develops into an adult male he's likely, through no fault of his own, to make women feel uncomfortable by his presence in the female changing room. The current solution of simply taking him in there regardless won't be acceptable as he gets older, nor is the pool likely to permit it.

the OP has said repeatedly that she plans to find an alternative as he grows over the age limit. It was the comments about women having to give up their spaces etc.. that I was responding to really. I think there has to be a limit. In this case it is 8.

considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to... So, in the same way as there is a disabled person's changing room available but you just choose not to use it? Get there earlier or be prepared to wait and use the space that is most suitable for your needs.

I don't think all these women are 'prouncing' around, they are getting changed in a female changing room. I just love how you dramatise it, then show a bad attitude by ending your comment with the teenager's retort 'go figure

Ah right, so it's okay for other peoples children, as per the policy to see grown men's willies but not for yours, unless of course it's their dads....okaaaay.
Other people can decide what's appropriate for their own children. Personally I regard it as inappropriate for girls aged more than about 8-9 to see men naked; same for boys and women. As a mum there's a cut off point where even you don't get naked in front of your son any more.

OP has also said that the cubicle is not suitable for her son's needs - whether it's free or not. Sometimes we do actually have to solve our own problems with the facilities available, and bear in mind we might not have all the information about others.

@MirriVan

You can show me as many as you like. Let's say 20. When you have got them you then have to explain the wider context you placed it in as so far you have been oddly silent on that point.

Or

You could just apologise to the OP. Admit you were overstating things by implying her upset at her negative experience (during which she did not a thing wrong) was part of a wider endemic problem that undermines womens rights.

It wouldn't kill you to show a bit of compassion to an upset mother of a disabled child on a message board that's meant to support mothers.

@MirriVan

It does not surprise me at all that you would rather do that than attempt a bit of compassion.

By the way "it's all good" it's a colloquial expression for "I can't be arsed with you anymore".

You have fun with your pedantry and better luck in the future when you attempt to go under the radar.

It's all good.

You said yourself your son looks older for his age and I’m assuming although you know his special needs - strangers do not. You are coming across as a bit arrogant about the fact that women are getting upset about a boy you have said yourself looks 10/11 being in the change room and you don’t care. My son has needs and he could also not sort himself by himself at your son’s age - my solution was to cover him in a towel and change him elsewhere a bit like when people put a towel around them to put their swimsuits on (or take them off) at the beach.

Crikey what a fuss.

Wait for the disabled cubicle. If it's not free in time, change him outside with a towel around for modesty.

You said he is oblivious, so he's not going to care or notice.

If people complain, then you can point out you have no choice - one disabled cubicle. Might find the staff come up with an alternative solution quick sticks.

Or better yet, send him to school in speedos instead of undies and just chuck strip down and chuck a rashie on for lesson. Big towel and home for shower afterwards.

Part of the problem is the mismatch in physical development between primary aged children. While for many adults an 8 year old boy seems very childlike an 8 year old girl may well have started puberty (would be early but medically normal). I couldn’t care less if a primary school aged boy saw me naked - neither do I “pronce” around, especially as that isn’t a real word - but my 3 primary aged daughters would care a lot. My eldest was incredibly self-conscious when she was 9 and first began developing breasts.

Eventually, as well, many boys with SN will begin to have sexual feelings and become interested in female bodies. There does need to be an age cut off, IMO.

zzzzz where did I saw that a male with SN’s sexuality is of “special concern”?

Part of the OP’s justification for changing her son in the female changing rooms - and the actual age cut-off is moot, as at 9 he will have similar needs - is that he has no interest in the women and girls around him, even those who are “proncing” (sic). This will likely change. Clearly the current change room option is not acceptable for all.