AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

Thanks everyone!

@WaxOnFeckOff

I totally agree with you Wax, I think all your posts have been reasoned and well thought out.

It was my attempt at satire of some of the less reasoned and well thought out posters.

It was clearly not obvious enough given the levels of self righteous frothing on this thread.

OP if I were in your shoes I would do the following: have DS wear trunks to the leisure centre then help him undress by the poolside. After swim, still by poolside, have him put on a towelling swim kaftan. Trunks off, undies and joggies (for quickness and ease) on, all under kaftan. Kaftan off, top on. All dressed with nothing exposed. I would think this the simplest solution.

And then parents of average non SEN kids make you feel worse with comments like "well just wait until the disabled changing room is free"

I was one of the posters saying about waiting until the disabled changing room, as this is what I have to do with my pretty non average SEN kid when we go swimming.

No it isn't fair that

I’ve only seen 1 naked woman in the ladies communal changing room in my entire life, surprised to see that’s not the norm! Can you find a different pool OP? The 3 closest to me have family changing rooms big enough to fit a pushchair and people in, much easier. I’d feel weird sending any 8 year old in the men’s.

Flutist OP isn't asking for any adjustment at this point, her son is 8 and can use the female changing facilities. The issue is that people have complained (probably because they think that OPs son is older which is reasonable as OP says he looks older) and Op is just saying that maybe people should use cubicles if they don't want to change in front of an 8 year old boy. At this point what additional needs her son has are largely irrelevant apart from the fact that using a cubicle wouldn't be possible.

"it isn't reasonable if the adjustment includes the disabled person but excludes or inconveniences others."

Actually it can be. Reasonable adjustments can inconvenience others. It's about the level of inconvenience.

But if people don’t like it they can use a cubicle, doesn’t work.
Does the OP announce 10 minutes beforehand that her son will be entering the room or are people expected to scurry off half naked when he flounces in.

Thanks Tess I thought you were being sarcastic but the last comment threw me.

I just hate the vitriol spouted on here against boys sometimes. It's like some people have entirely bought that poem about slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails etc. :(

@IceBearRocks

Ahhh I understand now.

It's still fucking shite that you have to wait. Given that swimming is recommended for such a range of disabilities it's a fucking outrage this issue doesn't have more attention.

when he flounces in - nice!

Maybe some people need to get over themselves, they are either ok with being naked in front of others or they aren't. If they aren't then they should use a cubicle. There is no discernible difference between the average 8 year old boy and the average 8 year old girl in terms of curiosity about other peoples bodies.

WaxOnFeckOff

I don't get why people equate pre-pubescent boys under the supervision of their mother with adult men.

Then scream cognitive dissonance with zero irony when the difference is pointed out.

If you are anywhere near Somerset, BIBIC have amazing sensory pools which you can use, all by yourself!

I travelled hours to get there, hotels, the works, just to get my son into a pool, fully clothed! He wouldn’t get changed full stop!

In school he uses the staff toilets to change for PE etc. Might be an option at swimming pool?

when he flounces in

No need to be a twat

But if people don’t like it they can use a cubicle, doesn’t work.
Does the OP announce 10 minutes beforehand that her son will be entering the room or are people expected to scurry off half naked when he flounces in

Well that’s a bit silly as pool policy allows boys up to age 9 in female change room.

I'd wait for the private cubicle and keep asking for more of them.

balsamic

I think your post is a joke isn’t it? Please say it Is.

To the poster changing with her 11 year old son in a female changing room that’s seriously strange. My sons at 11 would hsve been horrified at changing with women.

I'd wait for the private cubicle and keep asking for more of them
Unfortunately it just doesn’t work for us size wise,

agree Tess. It really makes me sad that people can't slightly inconvenience themselves in order to support vulnerable children regardless of any extra needs. As I say, I am quite a private person so I would use a cubicle anyway but I wouldn't consider a young boy any more of an issue than a young girl or a woman if I had no choice but to change in the open. I have teenage boys so wouldn't want older boys in there, and in terms of development I think it would be okay for "some" but not all 9 year olds and upwards to also be in the female changing rooms. I was lucky in that I had two DSs so even if we went without DH I was more comfortable for them to use the male facilities together if required. I think it must be hard for single mothers of sons of around this age group when family changing isn't available.

But it was YOUR suggestion that people use the cubicle if they don’t like it. I’m merely pointing out that it’s not that easy.

The flouncing was because it seems to be the done thing in this place.

I'd wait for the larger cubicle then in that case

And keep asking for more if those too

Sorry it’s not flouncing it’s prancing. My mistake.

I have a boy and girls, I want both of them to have the privacy they deserve.

Does your son have an EHCP with physio needs?

Difficult one. If your 10 year old looks like a big lad, then wait for the disabled changing room. Ditto if he is showing ANY interest in girls.

It may be uncomfortable and annoying to have to wait, but think about all the women and girls being made uncomfortable by him being there. They don't know he can't change by himself. They just see a boy/man in the changing room.