AIBU to think if boys in changing room bother you, use the private cubicle

[starfish2020]

So to clarify, I have a boy with special needs and there is no way I can send him alone to the men’s
They only have male-female changing areas which is annoying.
They have 1 just 1 disabled changing room, which is usually needed by a person who has mobility problems in a wheelchair etc.
Someone today complained and the staff came to ask me how olds my boy is and why is he in female changing room?!
Well he has special needs and although he looks about 10/11 he is only 8 and mentally probably even lower.
My issues is this. There are single changing cubicles and the women who object to my boy seeing them naked can use those. Why do they prounce around but naked if it bothers them. I can’t fit in the cubicle with him and help him to dry/change it’s just not big enough.
So who is being unreasonable?!
Me who WILL keep bringing my boy with ME to female changing room, or the people who complain about it considering there are private cubicles available for them to use, they just choose not to.
Mumsnet wisdom needed

I see your problem OP I suppose that sending him quickly into the men’s with his trunks underneath and a bag won’t work ?

He is only 8 and that’s the cut off age at our pools

I would try and find a creative solution TBH

But no a small boy would not bother me

I think you should take your mardy truculent entitled attitude to the local paper and do a proper local paper sadface story about the lack of disabled facilities at this pool. That would get them moving i expect. You’re welcome

I think, where there are no suitable alternatives for space-breaching, that men's space should be breached over women's space.

This thread is horrible

and what about if the daughter felt uncomfortable being in the male facilities?

mirri I’m still not getting it! Men are ‘historically’ a ‘danger’, ‘imbalance’ etc but it’s ok to throw the mother of a male disabled child under the bus!

The OP is clearly a GF and I reported this thread ages ago. WTF is it still here?

This thread is horrible

Yes it is, I've seen many like it over the years. Small boys are apparently kryptonite.

The cubicles are for women!! Complain to management that more accessible cubicles are required rather than take your anger out on other women who probably didnt realise your 11 yr old boy has a developmental age of 8

In this day and age I'm just amazed that a swimming pool only has male and female changing rooms. My sons are now in their twenties, but there were always family or mixed changing rooms (with large cubicles) at all the pools we went to when they were children. One of my sons is disabled and still needs a carer with him to change, so am sympathetic, but I would have gone to a different pool if there was no suitable facilities.

Off topic, it drives me mad when places put a disabled toilet within the ladies' and men's toilets - where is a disabled person which a carer of the opposite sex supposed to go?

The OP's DS is 8. He just looks 11.

iamawoman

Read the thread properly.

The OP son is 8!!!! But looks 11.

They don't bother me but sometimes you get parents bothered by ME getting changed. If you are in a girls changing room then deal. Our gym only has 2 cubicles, often busy with the more self conscious.

OP have you asked staff if there is anywhere he can get changed when the disabled changing is in use?

Some sports areas have staff cubicles that can be used or similar.

Or several people have suggested changing into a onsies at school and stripping off poolside. Then either a quick towel off poolside and back into the onesie or wait for the disabled.

Peculiar responses here.

This seems to me a relatively straightforward issue. Boys up to age 9 are allowed in the women's changing room. OP's son is 8. Therefore he's allowed in.

We then have a potential issue as between an 8 year old disabled boy having to wait around for the one accessible room and missing some of his session; or using the room he's entitled to use, with any women who feel uncomfortable with a disabled 8 year old in the room having the option of using the cubicles.

Personally, I’d be all in favour of undergoing a mild inconvenience in the interests of making life that bit easier for another mother and her disabled child.

Starfish being a parent of an additional needs child can be pretty rubbish. Its not easy. And then parents of average non SEN kids make you feel worse with comments like "well just wait until the disabled changing room is free"
Yes because that is so doable when there is only one and it could be occupied for half an hour.

I dont think it would cost all that much to alter some of the single private cubicles into double sized spaces so its about time more swimming facilities did that. Plus yes, anyone concerned about privacy ought to strip off in the private cubicles if they are that bothered.

How else is a female parent supposed to help her disabled son get changed if not in the female changing rooms? - sending a child particularly a disabled child to the mens changing rooms is not an ok option.

I havent read all the comments on this thread but many of those I have read are shocking tbf.

Lots of people don't have a choice about which pool to go to without a long journey. Sometimes lessons happen in school pools which only have open facilities. I once got roasted on here for posting that my pubescent son was uncomfortable that a fully clothed adult man was in the changing facilities after lessons while not helping a child to get changed, just standing on his phone, yes his phone. I and he were apparently being unreasonable. Even when I pointed out that standing with a phone (camera) in a room with naked children was putting the adult at risk no matter how innocent it was (and I'm sure it was).

Therefore he's allowed in.

Yes, as are all the "prouncing [sic] naked women" that the OP is so dismissive off and wishes to shunt into the cubicles because they rightfully question a boy WHO LOOKS 11 in the women's changing room.

You say that the only available slot when your DS can go swimming is immediately after school when you are in a rush to get him ready on time. Presumably the girls in the female changing room are also in a rush for exactly the same reason. The changing rooms are always busy at the start and end of lessons, so mums will be trying to change their own children quickly. You say that there isn't enough room in the cubicles for you and your DS, so they would also have exactly the same issue as you with space. You are being unfair.

You also say that the accessible cubicle is always busy at the same time with wheelchair users. Presumably it is the same person each week coming for a regular lesson. You both have the same right to use the space, so start talking to each other and see if you can compromise on your arrival or departure times. I think the suggestion that you pop your DS into easy change clothes before the lesson is feasible, leaving either you or the wheelchair user to take turns after the lesson. I don't imagine the wheelchair user leaves things to the very last minute either or else they may lose a big chunk of their lesson in accessing the pool.

Our community pool regularly moves people between classes, so I think that either you or the wheelchair user is likely to change times before your DS turns 9. I do wonder if you are worrying about a potential problem which won't even exist in a few months time.

It shouldn't be about male/female issues trumping each other, it's about assessing who is the most vulnerable in this situation and trying to accommodate them first. When vulnerability is equal then creative thinking is required.

I’m still not getting it! Men are ‘historically’ a ‘danger’, ‘imbalance’ etc but it’s ok to throw the mother of a male disabled child under the bus
Surely in these adverse situations it's a matter of exposing the fewest number to the discomfort/danger?

No, it’s about allowing a child with a disability to do the same thing as ‘normal’ children.

**Op until he turns 9 carry on using the women’s, your perfectly within your right too.

If someone wants to speak to a member of staff then they can and you can confirm he is still only 8 and allowed to use the women’s. If they do not like that then they can use a cubicle.

Once he is 9 you will have to find another solution, maybe later lessons might come up so you have more time before hand or a different pool with better facilities. Until then don’t worry about it.__

Yes thank you!

The OP is clearly a GF and I reported this thread ages ago. WTF is it still here

I’m sorry, what????