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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have scraped it off?

254 replies

ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:46

Hello. I'm willing to be told I'm unreasonable but....
We had a celebration and paid for a meal for around 20 family members. It was pre order menu. One guest ordered a meal plain ie no sauce. This order wasn't communicated as I had that many people to sort I forgot to tell the restaurant. It comes to meal and she refused to eat it and wouldn't scrape the sauce off and instead ordered another meal at a cost of 11 quid to us. Aibu to think just scrape the bloody sauce off and eat it without causing a scene?

OP posts:
FriendlyOcelot · 08/05/2018 16:10

If it was goat’s cheese there’s no way I could have scraped it off and eaten it. That stuff is the rancid excrement of Satan 🤢
If she had no choice but to order a set main with cheese you are especially unreasonable for thinking she was being U.

Teggun · 08/05/2018 16:28

It's entirely possible that the guest thought it was a cock up by the kitchen. We have no evidence that she made a fuss. And no evidence that she did anything that could be construed as rude to the OP.
Rudeness goes both ways. Why would anyone invite people for a meal and not want them to enjoy it? Its not school dinners!!

2andcountingtodate · 08/05/2018 17:20

Yabu. It was your mistake not theirs. S/he communicated in advance. I'd be kicking myself, not annoyed at them. I'd also be refusing to do it again since it sounds like a stressful ballache anyway.

2andcountingtodate · 08/05/2018 17:22

Plus intolerance aside, something's just make people feel ill. I loved mustard until pregnancy but now I just have to taste a hint of it and I heave. I always take care with burgers and send back if they add mustard.

longestlurkerever · 08/05/2018 20:12

I bet the OP is wishing she celebrated her birthday (or whatever) on a fantastic weekend away on her own. Not only did her friend not like her free meal, she's been told she should be "mortified" "embarrassed", that she "fucked up" "was rude" etc, for making a simple error when trying to do something generous for her friends.

EastMidsMummy · 08/05/2018 20:31

Fussy eaters bore the tits off me.

But so do mean hosts.

An £11 meal split amongst 20 of you isn’t worth bothering this thread with.

SuperMumTum · 08/05/2018 20:51

I never imagined so many people could dislike cheese with such a passion.

BakedBeans47 · 08/05/2018 20:51

I bet the OP is wishing she celebrated her birthday (or whatever) on a fantastic weekend away on her own. Not only did her friend not like her free meal, she's been told she should be "mortified" "embarrassed", that she "fucked up" "was rude" etc, for making a simple error when trying to do something generous for her friends.

This

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 09/05/2018 06:30

Not only did her friend not like her free meal, she's been told she should be "mortified" "embarrassed", that she "fucked up" "was rude" etc, for making a simple error when trying to do something generous for her friends.

That's unfair, I think. Nobody would hear of this incident and make a point of telling OP she's all those things, just to make her feel bad. She's being told these things because she asked if she was being unreasonable. She sought opinions on her actions, which she only sought because she thought her friend was being rude in the first place!

Lweji · 09/05/2018 07:16

Not only did her friend not like her free meal, she's been told she should be "mortified" "embarrassed", that she "fucked up" "was rude" etc, for making a simple error when trying to do something generous for her friends.

Is that how you treat your friends? I pay, you eat what I want?
The OP made a mistake, but then it doesn't look like she apologised or tried to correct it. She came here complaining her guest should have shut up and eaten the meal she had said was not ok in that form.

The OP hasn't even returned to the thread.

NorthernKnickers · 09/05/2018 07:25

YABVU...I couldn't have eaten it. It would still have had cheese on it! Not really that easy to scrape it all off is it? £11 isn't really that big of a deal 🙄

longestlurkerever · 09/05/2018 07:59

Is that how you treat your friends? I pay, you eat what I want?

That's not really it though is it? It's the fact that if someone tries to do something kind for you, you don't throw it back in their face - I certainly wouldn't treat my friends the way people on this thread seem to "£11 isn't really that big of a deal" - it is if it's someone else's money.

It doesn't sound to me as if the OP was given a chance to sort it, but we won't know as I don't suppose she'll be coming back. I am not surprised.

longestlurkerever · 09/05/2018 08:03

I also happen to think it's childish to make such a huge deal out of food dislikes that aren't allergies, intolerances or religious taboos, but I know on Mumsnet that's an unpopular view and not entirely relevant here as you can be a fussy eater and considerate to your hosts.

Lweji · 09/05/2018 09:07

I also happen to think it's childish to make such a huge deal out of food dislikes that aren't allergies, intolerances or religious taboos

You don't know why the person didn't want the cheese.
And gagging when eating a certain food isn't just a dislike.

longestlurkerever · 09/05/2018 09:20

No i don't, and I admit it would be a massive drip feed if the OP came back and said it would cause anaphylaxis or she was vegan or something but I got the impression it was cheese on a hamburger or something.

reallyanotherone · 09/05/2018 09:30

Fussy eaters bore the tits off me

Is it fussy though?

I don’t think i know anyone who doesn’t have likes or dislikes. I can’t stand fish, it absolutely turns my stomach. Other than that I eat most things so i don’t think i’m “fussy”.

If a dish arrived with fish sauce or anything vaguely fishy, i couldn’t eat it. It’s happened at dinner parties where the hosts have cooked my dish in the same pan as the fish, or used caesar sauce on the salad, or mentioned that there’s prawns, but they’re easy to pick out.

There is nothing worse than looking forward to a meal to find that either you will have to go hungry, or force down something you really won't enjoy.

ittakes2 · 09/05/2018 09:33

YABU - my daughter hates cheese and would rather starve then eat something where the cheese has been scraped off. Also, dairy can make some people constipated or trigger IBS. They are not allergic to dairy but might avoid it at certain times...she was unlikely to say I've had an IBS flare up so can you please ask for mine without the cheese sauce please. Cheese sauce also usually has wheat in it - so it might not just be about the diary.

VirginHoliday · 09/05/2018 12:05

I wonder why she ordered it with no sauce. Perhaps it could possibly have been because she didn't actually like the sauce? Crazy right?
I'm funny like that. I don't like mayo. So I don't eat things that have mayo (or even just bits of mayo) on.

EastMidsMummy · 09/05/2018 23:20

Is it fussy though?

Yes. It’s only cheese. Just eat it.

Same with fish. Just eat it.

This is the very definition of fussy eating. “Turn my stomach.” What are you? 8 years old?

wheredidsummergo12 · 09/05/2018 23:33

Yabu. Why offer them menu choices if you don’t care if they get what they want. Next time you should just pick for everyone. The You-eat-what-you-r-given party ...sounds fun!

Lweji · 09/05/2018 23:41

@EastMidsMummy

I doubt you'd eat anything.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 09/05/2018 23:43

Yes. It’s only cheese. Just eat it.

I can't swallow cheese, I simply can't. I don't know why. I can force myself to put it in my mouth, I can force myself to grimly chew it, and then I cannot swallow it so I have to either chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it or spit it out. On the occasions where I have forced myself to swallow it, I've immediately vomited it back up. I can't stand the taste, the smell, or the texture.

Is vomiting onto the table more polite or less polite than asking in advance for a dish to be served without cheese?

Teggun · 09/05/2018 23:59

EastMidsMummy if I hosted a meal and found out afterwards that a guest had stoically eaten something they knew they didn't like (or caused digestive problems etc.) I would be baffled and pissed off! My aim in hosting is to provide pleasure for those attending.

If I was cooking I would check which foods to avoid before deciding on my menu. If eating out I would think it was perfectly reasonable for a guest to request a dish with a simple alteration like 'no cheese'. All perfectly normal adult behaviour in my experience.

reallyanotherone · 10/05/2018 00:36

This is the very definition of fussy eating. “Turn my stomach.” What are you? 8 years old?

No, i’m an adult. And as an adult i can choose to go hungry or eat what is in front of me.

It is you treating me like a child insisting i must eat what you say I should. Although I don’t even treat my children like that, i respect their likes and dislikes. And no, they aren’t fussy, but i won’t force them to eat something they don’t want to.

Oh and the last time someone forced me to eat fish i was 8. I promptly threw is back up all over their lap.

Nunya · 10/05/2018 02:52

*Is it fussy though?

Yes. It’s only cheese. Just eat it.*

NO. Wrong! It may not be just being fussy. If my father or I eat any type of cheese, we will go into full anaphylactic reaction in which one's airway will swell up and close and we end in emergency department. The last time this happened to my father it was because a server decided to just "scrape" the cheese off of the food and turn said food over, assuming that my DF was being "fussy" or picky about his order. He had ordered it without cheese and the server got the order wrong but didn't bother to admit it. Within seconds of his first bite, he couldn't breathe and an ambulance had to be called. Who are you to judge someone else's food choices or their reasons behind them?