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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have scraped it off?

254 replies

ChewbaccasMate · 07/05/2018 17:46

Hello. I'm willing to be told I'm unreasonable but....
We had a celebration and paid for a meal for around 20 family members. It was pre order menu. One guest ordered a meal plain ie no sauce. This order wasn't communicated as I had that many people to sort I forgot to tell the restaurant. It comes to meal and she refused to eat it and wouldn't scrape the sauce off and instead ordered another meal at a cost of 11 quid to us. Aibu to think just scrape the bloody sauce off and eat it without causing a scene?

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 07/05/2018 22:11

I just know that if something like this happened at a kids' party and my DC ended up with sausages they didn't order I'd tell them to eat what they could and I'd make it up to them later. I wouldn't start badgering the host saying they'd ordered the fish fingers, or expect them to be invited again if they did. And if I expect this of my DC I'd sure as hell expect it of an adult.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/05/2018 22:15

I wouldn't expect that of my DC at all because I don't force them to eat things I know they don't like. If they received sausages but had asked for fish fingers then I'd let the staff know they wanted fish fingers and ask for the sausages to be swapped. The scenario you described has actually happened at a soft play party we went to but it was chicken nuggets and burgers rather than sausages and fish fingers. The host raised it with the staff themselves to say "actually my guest wanted the hamburger" and the meal was swapped.

DamsonOnThisDress · 07/05/2018 22:25

Although I agree that it was your mistake but if I was in the position of the anti-cheeser I would have just removed it, ate round it or if that wasn't possible ordered another one but pay for it myself.

No way would I go out for dinner with someone who was paying for 20, make a fuss, complain or add more to the bill.

Mistake or no mistake that would feel very bad mannered and I just wouldn't. Entitled or not I'd rather not be a dick.

londonrach · 07/05/2018 22:30

Last time i do good manners and eat the gone off yogurt dh and i were sick for two weeks. Never again will i do that. Yabu op as guest had a request and you forgot to past request on. It was better manners to quietly order another dish she could eat without a fuss.

Voice0fReason · 07/05/2018 22:45

If it was a food that she just couldn't tolerate, even if it was scraped off would you have prefered that she just not eat?

Entirely your fault.

longestlurkerever · 07/05/2018 22:45

Sure you could try and get it swapped but not to the point of making your hosts pay extra "because it was their fuck up and £11 is nothing on top of the price of a party" that's just rude imo.

Jammersminde · 07/05/2018 22:58

YABU - one of the wonderful things about being an adult is that if we don’t like something we don’t have to eat it. She specified what she wanted, she got what she didn’t want, she sorted it out. Good for her

LagunaBubbles · 07/05/2018 23:31

And if I expect this of my DC I'd sure as hell expect it of an adult

You would expect an adult to eat something they dont like? Strange.

ScattyCharly · 07/05/2018 23:36

I know someone who retches at even a tiny amount of cheese that's hidden in food. I think yabu to expect someone to eat food with cheese scraped off and you should have just sucked up the £11 cost.

wobytide · 07/05/2018 23:51

I'm thinking small claims court but I'm not sure if you should take her for £11 or the other 18 people for 61p each

Tough call. Do you like her more than the other 18 people as that might help you make the right choice to be able to move on in life

TheIcon · 08/05/2018 02:31

I can't abide the smell of onions. I've ordered burgers without onion and arrived with onion (even only one little piece) and scraping off won't do any good. I could move the burger close to my mouth ready to take a bite and the smell of onion would make me retch.

YABCompletelyU.

Nunya · 08/05/2018 03:43

You are completely unreasonable in this case!!

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 08/05/2018 06:17

YABVU.

Your time to reject the alteration was when she requested it. But you agreed to it. So it's your responsibility to communicate it to the restaurant. You made a mistake in forgetting so it's only right you bear the brunt!

I'm also surprised at everyone saying the only acceptable reason to decline or alter a dish is being allergic or intolerant to the ingredients. What about beliefs? Would you really look askance at a Muslim person sending a dish back because the meat wasn't halal, a vegetarian or vegan sending back a meal they'd requested to be meat or animal product free that wasn't, or someone Jewish unexpectedly receiving pork because the restaurant had ran out of other meat? Really? Beliefs are every bit as valid a reason!

For those saying she should have picked something else, in my experience a lot of 'choose a meal from a set menu' places have a shit choice for vegetarians (not sure if she is or not), with one dish only, so if that dish was risotto topped with cheese the guest probably had no choice if she wanted to attend and eat.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 08/05/2018 06:21

No way would I go out for dinner with someone who was paying for 20, make a fuss, complain or add more to the bill.

Perhaps the guest didn't realise OP had forgotten to inform the restaurant.

If I were in their position and the cheese topped dish arrived, I'd assume the restaurant fucked up and that by sending it back they'd be giving me the meal that was actually requested and paid for and therefore there'd be no extra charge. I might even be convinced that OP would want me to do that, as surely any good host who has asked and agreed to an alteration wants me to be able to eat a nice meal she has paid for. I wouldn't have guessed they'd add it to the bill and wouldn't know OP had forgotten to inform them, but even then I think most hosts would be apologetic about forgetting and insist on organising the meal that was requested, that's just basic manners and sorting out a fuck up you made.

longestlurkerever · 08/05/2018 08:16

Would I expect an adult to eat a good they dislike? I don't care whether they eat it or not, but I'd certainly expect them to find some way of dealing with it that didn't cause embarrassment to the host. Asking for it to be changed isn't the issue, causing a song and dance about it is.

Mammyloveswine · 08/05/2018 09:09

I too feel like we haven't had enough info re: what actually happened with the ordering of another meal! Sounds like a cock-up in the kitchen.

Could it have gone something like this...

Friend: oh im sorry I can't eat this, i ordered without cheese.

Waiter: ok I'll see what i can do.

Friend: actually I'll just have the (insert meal) like so and so has. That looks nice.

Waiter: takes dish back, chef asks why. "It was supposed to be plain". Oh and can I get (New meal)?

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 08/05/2018 09:33

I genuinely don't get how some of you manage to go out at all. I've never been to a wedding with a food choice other than veggie or meat (which is communicated in advance). In my grown up real life world I've never been asked if I am ok with what someone's serving me for supper /lunch at their house. You eat what you're given and definitely don't make a fuss.

OP I don't think YABR about paying for the second meal, however I think cheesezilla was BU to make a fuss if you were treating.

LagunaBubbles · 08/05/2018 09:35

Would I expect an adult to eat a good they dislike? I don't care whether they eat it or not, but I'd certainly expect them to find some way of dealing with it that didn't cause embarrassment to the host. Asking for it to be changed isn't the issue, causing a song and dance about it is.

The host is the one that should have been embarrassed for forgetting to pass on the request though. And did the guest make a "song and dance" about it?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/05/2018 09:41

I think YABU to have not told the restaurant that the meal should have been without sauce/cheese/whatever. Your mistake.
But I think she should have asked for it to be replaced with a plain version with no sauce, not asked for an entirely different meal - that was unfair of her and so she WBU as well.

No winners here.

Lweji · 08/05/2018 09:52

I too feel like we haven't had enough info re: what actually happened with the ordering of another meal! Sounds like a cock-up in the kitchen.

Yes! OP, what happened with the two meals?

N2986 · 08/05/2018 14:51

Shamelessly placemarking for an update Blush

BalaBrith · 08/05/2018 15:24

There's hardly any actual info on this situation, placemarking and hoping for some actual updates.

ICantCopeAnymore · 08/05/2018 15:30

How would you know if she was lactose intolerant?

My DH is the only one who knows about mine. I don't generally tend to tell people about it, I just ask for no cheese if I am ordering something with cheese, as this guest has done.

longestlurkerever · 08/05/2018 15:58

I just think shit happens, as adults you accept people make mistakes sometimes and you live with it. All this "you should be embarrassed at forgetting" and "I'd be mortified at getting the order wrong" is ott and has actually made me think twice about treating a large group for an occasion. It's a huge outlay on the part of the host and clearly not appreciated all that much by the people you're treating - after all they're only saving £20 each which is nice but not as big a deal to them as the host who has 20 to cater for. If you have to run the risk of being "mortified" over the arrangements and being cut no slack at all by your friends I'mworth the bother all told.

Gacapa · 08/05/2018 16:08

I cannot stand cheese and would not have been able to eat something even if it had been scraped off.

I'd probably have paid for a replacement though. But sometimes these things irritate and maybe it was the culmination of a bad day or something. And she did tell you.