should I shave?

[TotHappy]

This has been niggling at me for a while.

I'm 31. Been with dh nearly 14 years. My shaving routine used to be:
Underarms - most days, might get a bit stubbly if I left it for a few. Probably take care to shave them before baring them to swim/sunbathe.
Legs - only really bothered for a night out, so maybe shaved once a month. More in summer, but def not every day - maybe for an 'event' or a beach day. An event might include a sexy night in, but they certainly weren't smooth at all times and I didn't care.
Vag - never. Or maybe once or twice as an experiment, never liked it, hate the feeling, find it uncomfortable plus too much faff.

Then when I got pregnant (daughter is nearly 2 now), stopped shaving pretty much everything. Initially, morning sickness and generally not leaving house, later size of bump. Sexy times were non existent anyway as dh stopped sexual activity once I was pregnant - which I was very upset about.
Shaving has never resumed post partum - I will still occasionally do it for a night out/special event but not always, and of course nights out are a lot rarer now with DD. My solitary baths when I could quickly do my underarms are long gone, DD baths with me so no razors in the bath, and when I do get the odd solitary bath I cba with how long it would take as underarms now a good inch long.
I just don't care any more, even as much as I used to, about what people think. If I go swimming or to the beach, I dont feel the need to de-hair first. I think this is a lot to do with giving birth in front of five strangers - personal things somehow seem a lot less personal!

My issue is dh has brought up me not shaving a few times and I feel very uncomfortable about him doing that. After an argument once he said, as part of a rang about how I dont care, 'you dont even shave your legs anymore', quickly followed up by 'not that that's important, but it just shows that you dont care', to which I was as I was never in the permanently-hairless-legs crew, ever, and in any case the reason I had reduced the number of leg shaves was because I had reduced the numbers of nights out, end of!

The other day, he was giving me a foot massage and commented 'whoa, how hairy are your legs?!' I think I responded with a and a 'quite hairy', and he followed up with 'what about your armpits? Have you shaved those lately?' Or similar.

He has also said several times in the past that he prefers a shaven vag. I've said I dont like the feel of it so dont plan to dp that regularly, but have on the very odd occasion got a bikini wax/Californian wax. Last time he didn't even notice as he wasn't up for sex for the whole 6 weeks it was evident, so that was a waste!

I feel really quite miffed that he thinks I should shave because he prefers it. I suppose I have two questions:
A) AIBU to manage my body hair in any way I want without reference to him and
B) what do most people here do? I know most of my friends do shave with some regularity. I know my mum never did. So possibly a generational thing, but as I grew up with my mum as a role model, I feel totally comfortable either way. I feel very uncomfortable with the comments I've sometimes seen on social media about not shaving being 'dirty' or 'unhygienic'.

Thoughts??

The number of women who think it's appallingly lazy not to shave legs/pits I find astonishing. It genuinely surprises me.

It's a personal choice. It's not about being lazy. There are many things I choose not to do. That doesn't make me lazy.

Lying Witch This comment came first From page 1

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BewareOfDragons Mon 07-May-18 15:11:36

I hate arm pit hair on anyone, men or women. I just find it fugly and unattractive

Lying, no worries.

OP good that you had a conversation about it.

BusterGonad Mon 07-May-18 22:45:37

May I ask all the non shavers, what's your stance on facial hair on women? If you don't shave legs, arm pits etc would you sort out upper lip or chin hair if it was dark and noticeable.

I get my lip and chin waxed because what with that and a regular cut and colour on my hair its all i can afford.

i have had my armpits waxed recently but legs were last done at Christmas 2015

And also for those who say shaving is more hygienic... it turns out that it's really the opposite. Recent research found that shaved body areas were home to lots of nasty bacteria that aren't supposed to be there in quantities found.
Conversely the unshaven had a good balance of healthy bacteria and none of the nasties.

Why is this?

Well they speculate that the micro abrasions in the skin caused by shaving or other hair removal techniques cause a fertile breeding ground for bacteria... And also that pubic hair acts as a form of protection for the skin. Shaving the protective layer may make the area more susceptible to bacterial infection and even stds.

If you think about it, the hair is there for a reason!! So... stay healthy and bin the razors

Yes, the ‘lazy’ comment is a bit baffling. It implies it’s something that needs to be done, or should be done and therefore not doing it is lazy. There’s a difference between choosing not to do something, and being too lazy to do something important.

TBH, it sounds like your DH is really receptive to honest, low stress communication so maybe you should keep up a dialogue about this stuff rather than let it fester in future.

Framey ...............yes and im sure ppl will have the same opinions about that as they do about obesity.....................that its self inflicted and costing the NHS money...............oh wait.

May I ask all the non shavers, what's your stance on facial hair on women? If you don't shave legs, arm pits etc would you sort out upper lip or chin hair if it was dark and noticeable.

I don't really have a stance on hair on women at all, beyond being fine with my own.

I don't bother with my upper lip hair, which is noticeable if you're looking, IYSWIM. I mean it's not quite at PG Wodehouse levels of luxuriance, but if it catches the light it's clear that it's there. I don't yet have any on my chin but if my my fuck-giving capability continues to deteriorate at current rates, by the time I do, I shan't care. I know a couple of women who have what can only be described as a beard, and they are fantastic, caring women with a huge repository of knowledge. If I can end up like them - super.

I will admit to one hair removal: I have a single wiry hair that grows out of the helix of my left ear. If I let that grow I have a tendency to unconsciously pull at it. So I pluck it.

Beyond that I can't imagine hair removal in my future - but who knows? Maybe in another ten years I'll be a devotee of laser removal and waxing (sorry) lyrical about being entirely hairless. 20 year old me could not have predicted the hair choices of 40 year old me. 40 year old me should probably not try to predict 50 year old me.

MillicentF did she ever tell you what the history book was?

"MillicentF did she ever tell you what the history book was? "
Nope. Because she, like everyone else, knows that the trend for women en masse to remove their pubic hair is entirely driven by the rise in the availability of porn. Understandably, this is an uncomfortable fact to acknowledge, so false narratives about hygiene and an unbroken history of shaven pubises beginning with the Ancient Egyptians have to be created.

MillicentF if you say so .

Last time he didn't even notice as he wasn't up for sex for the whole 6 weeks it was evident, so that was a waste!

I'm interested that he seems to be able to offer advice/criticism with impunity.

What did you say/do when DP didn't want sex?

Do you have an equal relationship?

Edmund-you could prove me wrong in 30 seconds.

MillicentF you seem far more interested in something you could easily google in five seconds and demanding ‘evidence’, than the actual issue at hand. Bertrand, is that you?

If you don't shave legs, arm pits etc would you sort out upper lip or chin hair if it was dark and noticeable?

I inherited all the thick black hair genes from my father's side and I'm post-menopausal. The only thick black hairs I remove are the really long ones, or the ones I find myself fiddling with on my chin.

Other than that, it doesn't matter to me.

Well, here's what 5 seconds googling produced from Wiki "In the 1980s, some strippers and pornographic actresses adopted a more radical trimming of their publc hair in response to the fear of the HIV/AIDS epidemic and other STDs and contagions.[citation needed] The reason for the removal of pubic hair from women in pornography was a matter of "technical considerations of cinematography".[23] Hair removal progressed to full removal.[24] Because of the popularity of pornography, pubic hair shaving was mimicked by women.[25][26]"

i do pluck the odd beard hair when it arrives.

Being ok with some body hair, doesnt mean there arent bits that bother me. I generally wear full makeup too, and dress nicely even though i have hairy pits!!!! Who'd have thought it

HelenaDove, that poster is entitled to her views. I don't necessarily agree with them and perhaps you don't either, but she can state them.

There are lots of views that are blithely spouted on mumsnet that I find abhorrent but, within guidelines, they can stay.

Women should stop telling other women what to do with their own bodies though. End of, really. Just stop.

Helena why do you do that? This thread isn't about obesity. Not every thread is. It's really not relevant on this one.

My post to you just now was about the poster who finds body hair ugly.

@Bluntness, just seen your last post. Thank you.
I agree that marriages are about compromise. I can accept that he doesn't find body hair attractive, but I don't see that that means he doesn't find me attractive, in spite of it. And he did confirm that last night. I felt uncomfortable that he was repeatedly raising it after I'd explained my position, and having made no attempt to change things about him that aren't my preference. I didn't stop shaving as a feminist statement, but it feels wrong to me that he was badgering me to be what he wants. But we've had a discussion and will try to reach a compromise because as you say, why not?

@seventh well, we've had some problems. If someone's not in the mood for sex though, you can't force them to have it anyway can you?

Millicent you asked me for sources which I actually ignored because well I spend enough of my time genuinely sourcing academic information and frankly it’s boring but you found something in 5 seconds of googling. That same 5 seconds would also have produced results which showed tou the history of women’s hair removal. What makes your wiki source any more reliable than the hundreds of others that also tell you that women have been removing their hair pubic and leg for centuries. It was very popular to have your public hair waxed off in Louis the XV court for instance as well as further back as I mentioned earlier. You have an agenda here about women and porn but hair removal has gone on a lot longer than that. Many roman sculptures show women with little or no pubic hair because it was the fashion of the time.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Juells, Why not take that up with the posters who said those things? I didn't, I've made no comments about any other women's body hair or body for that matter. Only my own.

Apologies. I've re-read your post and realise I misunderstood it. I have slight comprehension problems owing to skim-reading and dyslexia.