Only 1 not invited to wedding

[happylion]

So it's a small team, only 5 of us, one of the girls got married this weekend, we're told it was only family only no problems I understand weddings and budget etc, however tonight I've found okout that I was the only one not to have been invited, I feel such a dick, I even organised a card and brought a gift, we went for drinks the other day and toasted her up coming wedding, but they all knew I wasn't invited and they were!
Bride is now away for a few weeks on honeymoon, and I'll be seeing the other girls in the office on Tuesday, I found out as I saw a picture of them all on Instagram and I liked it, so they will know I've seen it, I'm hurt, embarrassed and actually annoyed, i thought we were all friends, it's the lies ! Why lie? 😔 wwyd?

Incidentally, I was invited to the wedding - evening do, but I didn't bother turning up or buying a gift.

@Aeroflot

What would you have done though? As you are making a meal of OP being left out, and seem far to invested in this- would you really have paid £50, and left someone who is a close friend/family member off the guest list to include a work COLLEAGUE (yes, colleague!) who you maybe like enough, but not too much? Or don’t like but are professional enough to spend time with as a group, because sometimes, thats just what you have to do at work. Because thats the issue the bride might have had.
And yes, I have been the person on the end of this, before you start.... but I wouldn’t expect the person to change something just to ensure I was included.

CQC, I don't know what you have in mind by an 'office environment' but I've worked in many - small like the OP's and much larger, 20-30 people.

In a small office where friendship is elected, solicited and enjoyed by the whole small group, you do not, if you have any kind of grace or sense of decency, do what this bride did. Her charmless tiny entourage are equally devoid and lacking. If this mean group is minded to take that small group friendship and twist it then they are in the wrong. At no point would a decent person - in this small group - behave in this manner and you would not accept things from someone in that same small group, that you disliked.

In a larger group, nothing really matters, it's diluted and accepted that these are colleagues, not friends. The difference is that the group of 20-30 are not usually close knit, do not socialise outside of work - and would not ring each other on a Bank Holiday either...

Most posters seem to see this the same way and agree with HappyLion. Some women are a bloody disgrace and I won't dignify them with an excuse. I will say though that in all my years of experience in working in groups, public and private sector - women do this. Men do not.

she said it wasn’t her place to say anything

That’s it right there. The collusion, bullying and mean girl stuff. It sounds as she wanted to tell you but was too afraid of the brides reaction. At least out of all of them is perhaps a little concerned about your feelings. However do just be aware that the others may have put her up to calling you to gauge your reaction.

That's fucking horrible. What a nasty way to treat you.

I would be looking for another job, and would get away from that bunch of 'mean girls' ASAP!

I would have invited a couple of colleagues I really liked, I could not leave one out of a small group. But that's me!

I really feel for you, OP, because from tomorrow you will have to be with them all day, every day, in the same physical space.

Until you work out whether or not you want to leave the job, can you plan a nice lunch for yourself, and phone one of your other friends or relatives at lunchtime for support? Or post on MN?

Maybe make plans to go to the cinema or do something nice for yourself after work. Things that don't involve them. Treat yourself well.

OP Unpleasant thing to happen and if the bride thought you'd never find out she was fooling herself. I'm wondering why as you said earlier that you all socialise together.

Did anything happen on a previous occasion that might have prompted this? Perhaps a misunderstood remark. I say this as I'm frequently misunderstood and cringe when I realise how what I said was taken.

Lyingwitch - like you I wondered whether the phone call was to find out how you reacted to the instagram pic. The pic was probably a mistake, next time perhaps the one who posted it will be excluded!

frogsoup "If it was a child inviting all but one of their small class to a party, the response on here would be that that's not ok. "

but that's a bit like if the OP invited the whole company bar one person.

this is a small team. It's often the case that people in a team are kind of forced together, last small team I worked in, I loved them to bits but two of them really disliked each other. I appreciate it must be harder if you didn't know someone didn't like you.

but comparing a small child to an adult at work is a bit weird, plus also classful of DC doesn't equal to small team of adults within a company.

I can't believe pp have said "look for another job". of course I don't know why OP works, but I work to earn a living and hope for a pleasant environment. If this is still a perfectly fine place to work with people okay to say hi and have a bit of chat, then leaving over this would be bizarre.The others weren't really in a position to say anything - it was up to the bride.

PS I imagine the bride realised you would find out OP, but just assumed everything would stay on a formal professional setting. I do think she should have told you and not let you organise things but given some of the replies here, perhaps my view is the mad one, I don't know.

OP - Apology - you didn't actually say 'socialise' on page 2 but that you were involved in each other's lives 'in and out of work'.

OP : well done for styling it out on the phone and being all casual about it. You don’t need sad friends like that! They sound like two faced and immature Losers .

You seem to have the right attitude: it's shitty, but hold your head high and chalk this up to experience ... you know the sort of people you're dealing with now! When I was 18 I started my first proper job: there were about 8 of us in a small office. The big boss's wife would often have little gatherings at her house: I was NEVER invited, worked there for nearly 18 months. It used to upset me that she would breeze into the office, and the other girls would thank her for a great night: 'lovely food, Mrs Boss' 'what a super evening, Mrs Boss' ... etc. Stuff them all.

Oh this whole thing is awful. But be mindful that it was the bride who didn’t invite you. It’s very likely none of the others would have done this

Dandelion- sensible advice as getting through Tuesday could be difficult and potentially upsetting. The day the bride returns from honeymoon could also be 'interesting' for her as well as for OP.

It would take a special kind of person not to be hurt by this. Personally, I'd be job hunting.

Exact same thing happened to me. I forked out a small fortune for the hen do. I wasn't even the newest member of staff. I didn't especially adore this person but it was hurtful nonetheless

I think it’s the friendship version of “he’s just not that into you”.

That is unpleasant and hurtful I'd be upset too
Do something nice today and try forget about them

I hope you enjoyed the bbq.

Absolutely nasty bunch imo.

I would look for another job but that's up to you?

Piffle11 you were too gorg and Mrs boss couldn't bear it

Look for another job???? Seriously????

Interviewer - do you have any questions?
Op - yes, please can you confirm that I would be automatically invited to all colleagues and colleagues-workers weddings in the future?

"that's a bit like if the OP invited the whole company bar one person."

It sounds like that's pretty much what has happened! Small team working closely together and apparently all friends. You just don't leave one person out in that scenario, it's crass, mean and the height of bad manners. As they well knew, since they actively colluded in lying to keep it quiet. What kind of pathetic excuse for adults think it's ok to behave like that?! It wouldn't be ok for a kids party at 8, and it certainly isn't ok for a formal wedding, for which actually you DO have to invite all sorts of people you might not necessarily choose. Personally I had an uncle and a few cousins who I'd rather have left out, but if course I didn't because I was inviting the rest of my large family and, well, I'm not a nasty cow. I don't believe that all the 'you have no right to an invite' people on here would be quite so blase if it happened to them.

Beez - thanks. I have been in a similar situation at work, and what hurt the most was realising that people I had thought of as friends had only ever seen me as a co-worker, just someone on the edge of their group. I have got over it now for the OP

cqc are you deliberately being obtuse and goody or are you really that thick? For the last time, it's NOT about the invite, it's about the LYING to cover it up!