Only 1 not invited to wedding

[happylion]

So it's a small team, only 5 of us, one of the girls got married this weekend, we're told it was only family only no problems I understand weddings and budget etc, however tonight I've found okout that I was the only one not to have been invited, I feel such a dick, I even organised a card and brought a gift, we went for drinks the other day and toasted her up coming wedding, but they all knew I wasn't invited and they were!
Bride is now away for a few weeks on honeymoon, and I'll be seeing the other girls in the office on Tuesday, I found out as I saw a picture of them all on Instagram and I liked it, so they will know I've seen it, I'm hurt, embarrassed and actually annoyed, i thought we were all friends, it's the lies ! Why lie? 😔 wwyd?

No excuse for that behaviour, it us shitty leaving one out and colleagues shoukd have told the bride. Lying is worse, it's dishonest and will really create ruckus in the work environment. Go in with your head held high, the crude us in for a rough time when she comes back, and has to face the consequences for her actions.

You handled that perfectly. Well done.
She must be feeling guilty, as do the others probably.

Bride not crude doh.

Clearoutre, that is a very good point. I wonder if the others are 'waiting for the response' from ringing colleague? It wouldn't surprise me at all. Some women are just like that - nasty.

Are you new to the company OP? Or are you the boss?

It sounds like a really mean thing for the bride to have done, but if you are new to the company it's possible invites were all sorted before you'd joined.

Zzzz - are you the bride?

OP, I agree that you handled things very well on the phone, calling them out.

It is even worse manners to outright lie when asked a direct question.

What they did could be called bullying by exclusion and is a tactic used by small children, not adults. If should hope anyone could see the difference, zzzz.

At least OP has got it out into the open now. It can be dealt with in a mature manner.

Personally I would say nothing in the office. No need to feel embarrassed as you didn't know the others were invited. If they talk about it just 'smile and nod' or make polite 'glad you enjoyed it' comments. It will be forgotten soon anyway.

Not quite the same as it's not for a wedding, but I was part of a group of four people for two years and thought we were all equally friendly with each other.

One person left a few months ago and the three of us that are left have continued as normal, spending break times and lunch together.

Then I noticed that if the other two were ahead of me as they got their drinks they would walk off and leave me to finish and catch them up. If I was ahead, I waited for them.

And then last week they spent ten minutes talking over me as I sat between them, arranging dates for when they were both available to try and meet up with the other women who left a few months ago. Not once did they ask if I was free at any time or if I would like to go with them.

So now I know where I stand in this friendship. We all started at the same time, so it's not like they were a more established group that I joined.

I agree with zzzz
but the bride can invite whoever she likes

on this occasion I do think it would have been best for her to explain it but there's also an argument that she shouldn't have to explain herself I guess

I don't see it as bullying in any way, just sounds like no one knew what to do or how to handle it but zzzz is quite right that no one has to say what they are doing with their free time.

Good response op. I’d just mentally block them out. Keep it cool and professional.

Why are people going on about people inviting who they want to a wedding? It’s not the being excluded (though that’s pretty mean in itself) it’s the whole lying. Everyone the op works with lied to her. That’s awful.

How did I know you’d do more for them than the other way round?...they’ve lost out on a decent friend. Hope they enjoyed their snidey chats behind your back. Enjoy the barbecue!

Not surprised you feel hurt.

It 'd be so hard but I would act like I didn't care. I'd delete them from social media immediately. ALL of them.

I agree with aaaargh, it's not the not being invited, it's the humiliation of not realising that they all knew you were the only one not invited. That they all colluded with that (unsuccessfully though). Assholes.

Personally I'd outwardly rise above it.
Show very little interest when bride returns - I wasn't invited, so why would I care.

Then just wait for their painful awkwardness when something comes around that you would normally organise/arrange, you'll be able to ignore them with a smirk.

This happened in my old office. One member of the team was getting married and three of the remaining five of us were invited. Didn't realise that at first. Then there was a fourth invitation issued but the last team member was never invited. Bride made vague comments about why she wasn't inviting the last team member but they were untrue comments so I'm not sure what her real motivation was.

None of the team ended up going to the wedding, and it's never been mentioned since. Very odd.

I agree, good phone response OP.

Of course people can invite anyone they like to any event they hold - however they must have the foresight to see how their behaviour effects relationships.

My dcs are teens now but when they were babies I formed a close group of friends with young mothers with babies the same age. We literally hung out nearly everyday. We were each other's lifelines. We saw through divorces, illness and tragically even two child deaths.
One woman in the group had 4 children. She had Christenings/birthday parties for all of them and over the years persistently said they weren't bothering and then invited just one woman from the group. Photos would be all over social media. She would attend anything we invited her to but never reciprocated and often lied about events.

Roll on 10 years, I'm still close with the rest of the group but after persistently unsuccessfully trying to prise this one chosen friend away from the rest of the group the woman has removed herself from any contact with anyone. It's so weird. We would never expect to be invited to everything. We would have happily given gifts and congratulations with no invite if we'd officially known, but it was the lying that soured the relationship in the end.

People can be strange.

Its really not as simple as 'she can invite who she likes' If it was a child inviting all but one of their small class to a party, the response on here would be that that's not ok. It's no different here. Unless there's a huge backstory, it's totally lacking in both manners and class to invite four out of five of your team.

I think if you are only going to invite some from work you invite a clear minority ideally just a couple. Not almost everyone leaving out 1 or 2.

It’s pretty obvious you’re not part of their little clique. Somewhere down the line, you’ve managed to annoy one of them for whatever petty reason or they are just flakey bitches - I’ve had friends like that, all of sudden turn cold and have no idea, until you realise, looking back, there is always a jealousy component. The bride is not going to just exclude one of the group and risk making herself look bad, if the others all thought the one excluded ( you) was fantastic. C’mon. Therefore, the rest of them must have been on board first and obviously they have had conversations / meet-ups without you. And gossiped about you.

You now know what they are like. They aren’t your friends at all. I would have nothing to do with any of them and look for another job to be away from such a bitchy work environment.

That is very mean - I'm not surprised you feel hurt. I think you're right to call them out on it as you've done nothing wrong & agree to just keep it professional in work (& ignore out of work as they've shown their true colours & they're not your friends). for you.

Yep, an invitation to a wedding is not a right, but unless you have no emotional intelligence you’d realise that inviting everyone from a group except one person is pretty cruel (and then lying about it, however well intentioned, could only make it worse).

Good luck with working in that environment OP, will be pretty shitty for a while (and keep remembering it’s their doing!).

Yes bride can invite anyone she wants to her wedding blah blah blah, but what she did was mean, nasty and wrong. Leaving one out of team of 5 is not on. How did she think that it would go down well, or how op would react to finding out.