Only 1 not invited to wedding

[happylion]

So it's a small team, only 5 of us, one of the girls got married this weekend, we're told it was only family only no problems I understand weddings and budget etc, however tonight I've found okout that I was the only one not to have been invited, I feel such a dick, I even organised a card and brought a gift, we went for drinks the other day and toasted her up coming wedding, but they all knew I wasn't invited and they were!
Bride is now away for a few weeks on honeymoon, and I'll be seeing the other girls in the office on Tuesday, I found out as I saw a picture of them all on Instagram and I liked it, so they will know I've seen it, I'm hurt, embarrassed and actually annoyed, i thought we were all friends, it's the lies ! Why lie? 😔 wwyd?

I absolutely would call out them all out on this, would it hurt have one of them to take you to one side and just say “look, the bride’s invited us all to the wedding, please don’t take it personally ” - bunch of cows. Please don’t let them get away with this

Similar happened to me many years ago. One of our solicitors got married and I thought I would go and watch as she said it was only close family. I got there and watched my colleagues come out of church.

Strangely, my boss said to me a few weeks before to never tell this colleague anything I did not want management to hear ie she was a trouble causer and grass. I thought it very odd and even odder he didn't attend the wedding as one of the partners at the firm. Must have really got to her because she was a real social climber. I felt really stupid and humiliated and found it hard to accept they did not like me.

By complete contrast, our lovely (very wealthy) lady book keeper was a wonderful cook. She used to have dinner parties to showcase her skills and always, always insisted I came. The looks on the faces of her very posh friends were a sight to see as I turned up in my jeans and t-shirt (well, I was 18). She always behaved as though I was the guest of honour. A true lady sadly missed.

I feel sad for you as it has taken me back. I said nothing, but you have handled matters correctly. Takes you back to the school playground.

Aeroflot "The behaviour of the bride and work colleagues, impacts on the work environment and team cohesion. Her behaviour has created tensions in the workplace, and has affected the team. Its created this culture of mistrust, and deceit"

I don't agree with this at all. But it's why I no longer do work socials, even though my current place is quite mature.

Do you think the same about Xmas gifts? I stopped doing Xmas last year, but the previous few years, there's been one lady who gives a gift to those she wishes to. Some people get very angry about it.

I wanted to invite a couple of people to my 40th but went with no work colleagues. I think some of the comments here are bizarre. Yes op is hurt but it's not a professional issue.

I feel sad and hurt for you OP. Mostly because they all colluded to keep it a secret.
T
A similar thing happened to me. Someone got married and I wasn't invited to the wedding or the hen do but they wanted me to contribute towards a gift. I'm afraid I was a bit vocal as to why I wouldn't hand over any cash

IT does woman, it is doing so right now, as the actions of tge bride and colleagues have created tension and disharmony in the work place, especially with it being such a small workforce.

Oh God, OP, that's really awful. It's awful of the Bride not to include you, and it's almost worse that some idiot took a photo and put it on Instagram. In a small team at work, you're going to feel very upset and rightly so.

I would go in with a smile on my face no matter how forced, and never get involved with anything that isn't work related. Ignore birthdays, collections, you name it. Put a ring of steel around yourself and don't let them hurt you again. They've shown they aren't worth it.

Aeroflot, I guess I can't see why the personal should cross over. If op can just go back to work and crack on, as a professional, then it doesn't have to be an issue.

Also op says team of 5, I took this to mean bigger workplace as a whole? So others outside team might be invited too.

Really I think zzzzz has it. Not the responsibility of invitees to say where they were going. To reiterate I do think the bride shouldn't have let op organise a gift etc

I guess that is what op will do, but it has created a bad vibe in the work place.

It is mean.
In a small workplace, it is not a good idea to single people out like that.

That's tough op and of course you are hurt. However you now know these people are not your friends. Time to take a step back and continue with a professional only relationship. I wouldn't bring it up at all.

@CheerfulSausage. You could have a point, though I know one of those who were invited had also been very involved in the first wedding as well. It wasn't as though our contact or, for me at least, the friendship had diminished when her first marriage broke down. In fact, if anything it moved up a gear. I supported her in many ways and knew and liked her new partner (she left her marriage for him). I often babysat for her children and we met up for play dates with our children far more than before. I assume that for some reason she didn't feel the same way about our friendship as me. But if that was the case, I don't understand why she chose to include me in the hen do. Anyway, I don't suppose I'll ever know and to be honest, after all these years, it probably wouldn't make any difference now - we've both moved on in our lives and things could never be the same as before.

It doesn’t matter what op has or hasn’t done to be left out, it doesn’t matter that the bride has the right to invite who she wants! Five people work together the bride has invited 3 of her four colleagues and then they’ve all decided to lie to op. A totally horrible thing to do and at the end of the day you all have to work together! Regardless if the op has upset them in some way these four are not very nice people and have made a really bad vibe for working conditions. Pleased their not my colleagues op!!!!!!

By lying they have caused an atmosphere at work
Not being invited is fine but lying and covering up is shitty

How mean, be dignified and rise above it.
Currently a family member has invited us and only one of our adult DSs to her wedding. The other has been ignored. None of us are going.

I've had this happen to me and it is utterly shitty. But you have don't nothing wrong, this speaks volumes about them, not you. You have been thoughtful and kind in the absence of any thought from her.
I saw all our friends and colleagues post pictures and nice messages about their "Save The Date" cards on FB. Thought it was an oversight. Then saw all the Hen Do pictures, then the bride stopped answering my messages - like an idiot I was still excited about her wedding and asking about her plans etc.
I considered her one of my closest friends, holidays together, regularly babysit her kids, supported her through divorce and an abusive relationship, affairs etc. Yet she chose not to invite me to her wedding.
I haven't seen or spoken to her since. I miss her like mad but know now it was such a one sided friendship.

I think that must be fairly unusual zzzzz. I've been invited to several weddings in the evening, as a colleague, where it is the colleagues (as a Team) who are invited, and not their partners (who neither the B nor G have even met.

Oh Bibi how awful and nasty of her, I am sad for you that you had to find out like that. Yes she sounded like she was using you, and completely one sided. Hopefully in time it will get better, you are missing the person you thought she was, not the one she actually is.

You're right @Aeroflotgirl - I don't think I fitted into her new life, I was part of her old one.

It’s work, you get on with some, others you don’t.
I realise that the coworkers going should have been upfront but we all tell lies to protect feelings at times - right or wrong.
For those of you suggest going to HR, really? Are these people not adults?

Op - people who I work with didn’t tell me truthfully what they were doing at the weekend.
Hr - are they treating you well in work?
Op - yes we get on well
Hr - they don’t have an obligation to tell you where they are going on a Saturday night
(End)

I also think the three colleagues have seen you've liked the post, they’ve probably talked about it and the one that rang drew the short straw to contact you to see how the land lay before tomorrow and now has reported back. I’d be prepared for them tomorrow because their either going to try and act like it hasn’t happened or try and justify it!

Just out of curiosity. If one of the invited people had 3 children would we expect her family of 5 to be invited above the OP?
This all seems bizarre. The only “ rule” I’d ever assume for weddings is not to leave out one of a group.

Good luck for tomorrow OP. How hurtful of them to lie like that

Massive hugs Bibi very crap of your so called best friend.

CQC exactly!