To consider having my reception 40 minutes drive from my wedding reception...

[DontWantToBeAWeddingCF]

And if I did do this, how could I make it work best for my guests? Sorry if this is long, want to get everything in. And I am a long term poster but have name changed for this as a known MNetter in real life.

I know MN loves a wedding thread and I have no desire to be a bridezilla or a CF. I want everyone to enjoy our wedding and not feel stressed or put out, so throwing this one to the lions before any steadfast plans are made. My DSis is also marrying next year so conscious of not booking anything too close to hers as we are lucky to have a great big lovely family who all get on, so don’t want people travelling around the country too much too close together.

The reason I’m considering this is I would like to marry in my church, where I am an active member and part of the community. Church is walking distance from home, and very much a ‘home’ church. I would love that feeling of getting married in a church I’ll be back to every week and is part of me. They are also perfectly comfortable with my DP not being a Christian and happy to marry us there despite this. DP is happy to marry in church because he knows how important it is to me, and the important thing for him is saying his vows not where he says them.

We have always talked about having our reception at his parents, they own loads of land and we can have the run of fields. I never pictured my wedding in a posh hotel or stately home, I want outside and tents and a very chilled atmosphere. People could pitch tents overnight if they wanted, it’ll be so easy for the many children who will be invited as there’s so much space to play. We’ve talked about hiring some soft play equipment and maybe a bouncy castle, things we couldn’t easily do in another venue.

But DPILs are 40 minutes drive from our home and church. I’d love to have both the church I want and the reception we want, but wonder if it will just be a giant faff for everyone. I’m thinking about how I could make it as easy as possible, probably hire some buses from the church to the reception so guests don’t have to worry about that transport. The vast majority of guests will be from around home/near church area, so could get a cab/bus/lift to church for the ceremony, would be taken to the reception and then could go from there home to a hotel or home. I’m not sure we could arrange transport home as well, but maybe to the closest hotel. Drivers could drive between.

The space means we can invite everyone we want - see aforementioned big, lovely family, as well as many friends - a conservative first draft list is at 130/140 people including all the children, though of course aware not all would be able to make it. We don’t want to have evening only invites, everyone will be invited to the whole day, but would be happy for people to just come to the ceremony or reception if that was easier for them. There will be more than enough food and drink for everyone, we want to be good hosts.

Fully ready to be told this is unreasonable, in which case I will probably explore churches close to DPILs to find one that would fit. For me God would be in any church, although I would prefer my own. It’s within the same diocese so my vicar might be able to make a case for me not going to another church for weeks beforehand, though would probably need to be there a few weeks as a bans are read. I have also looked at options for receptions close to my church but there’s nothing that feels right that would be within our budget - my church doesn’t have a church hall or any land around it to pitch a marquee.

Would really welcome people’s thoughts, how could I make this work for you as my guest? Or can I not? What should I be thinking about that I might have forgotten? The most important thing is us getting married, not the wedding, but would love to be able to really celebrate it as well.

Thanks for getting this far.

When you tell people that the reception venue is 40 mins drive away, please add the actual distance involved as well.

The distance that old uncle Donald, can cover who will likely rarely travel on a motorway,, will dither and take hour and a half to do your '40 mins may well find it more challenging.

I think if pitching tents is involved it would make most sense to allow people to set up in the morning, then bus them into the wedding (stopping via the hotel where people may want to have left their luggage) and then bus them back to the reception? That way everyone’s cars are at the reception and that is also where the bus takes them - you don’t really want to separate half your guests from their cars if it can be avoided!

I would look into village hall locations closer than that, perhaps though. There are lots round me with loads of land and parking, space to put a marquee and tents up and the costs range significantly depending whether it’s a fancy one or not. Even if that specific church doesn’t have one, there might easily be one a few miles away?

It sounds lovely, but I wouldn't go to a wedding with the arrangements you're planning. Too much expense, faffing, time on the road and the thought of camping horrifies me.

I would find a nice reception venue near the majority of the guests so people can go home afterwards to their own homes. Surely as a host you want them to be a comfortable as possible?

I think it's not perfect - let's be honest a long drive between the ceremony and the reception is always a pita - but you have very valid reasons for picking each location so I say go for it.

Do provide free transport from the reception to and from the wedding venue, I'd also provide a coach or running taxi at hourly intervals towards the end of the evening to get people back to where they need to be if they are from the church village. May not be that expensive - we had our reception in quite an expensive hotel so we laid on a minibus to transport people to other hotels and it was not that dear.

Your ILs sounds like a great spot to have the reception and I love the idea of having bouncy castles and things for DCs to do - makes it seem more like a festival than a reception. You also need to have a plan about what to do if it is raining as that's not going to be great for campers - and also give guests other options of where to stay i.e. list out local B&Bs and hotels

Algor - love hearts on the sheep - that's about the cutest thing I've ever heard of !

I'd be wary of the whole bus thing. So guests are expected to make their own way to the church, will then be bussed to the reception venue...and then what? Will they be left stranded in a field in the middle of nowhere and having to resort to expensive taxis to be able to leave?

Sorry, posted too soon...your plans sound fine otherwise.

I'll be honest and admit I wouldn't jump for joy if I received an invitation like that (oh, goodie! A long drive to the reception venue, how wonderful, I'm really looking forward to not drinking and trying to find my way back in the dark on unfamiliar country roads at the end of evening...), but I don't know your guests and they may well appreciate the chance to dress in their finery and pitch a tent in a field, so that may work.

My guests travelled 30 mins between both for similar reasons (DH wanted to marry in his DM church but small town meant not many suitable venues for reception). We only had two issues - one set of my friends who stopped at reception hotel their taxi didn't arrive so then ended up driving (not from area and this was pre sat nav). They made it while we were signing the register which was out the back. I saw them as we walked out and didn't know they had missed the ceremony.

2nd was the two busses my DM and MIL had organised came immediately after the service and everyone of importance left so we have no pictures except a couple of us two at the church. Would have liked some with the rest of the wedding party.

Your wedding sounds wonderful and exactly like I would like if I were doing it again.

Sounds like a massive pita if I’m honest. Like someone earlier mentioned a 40 minute journey for you, who does the journey regularly and knows where you are going, and great aunty Mavis who drives everywhere at 40mph and doesn’t do motorways...

Could you do the reception on a different day?

Actually, OP, as you say a lot of your guests are festivellers, you might consider offering the opportunity to pitch tents the day before. And I also think you can hire porta showers in the same way as portaloos, which might help.

We married at our local church and travelled 40-45 minutes to a hotel at a special location in the countryside. Most of our guests had to travel anyway and a lot did two nights at the hotel travelling out to the church. Some joined us from the church to the hotel. (We had a camping option which some friends took up, but they're campers anyway. We've done it at a rural wedding with limited B&Bs locally).

There simply wasn't much choice for reception venue. The only local option was the village hall and we didn't have the local manpower to DIY and then they'd have needed taxis to other parts of town for hotels anyway. There were very few options in town to cater for over 70, so it just worked out that our hotel had the right capacity, was on budget and happened to be in a place that was already special to us.

You know your guests. Ours were young and confident with a bit of country driving. There were sensible reasons behind our locations.

My only gripe would be long drives where there isn't accommodation nearby at the end of the reception so a lot of people can't relax, drink and stay at their leisure. I have been to one like that with the church and (extortionate, limited capacity) hotel (in the middle of nowhere) in a 1hr triangle from MiL's where we (and many other guests) were based. They also didn't consider realistic travel times, so for a 12pm ceremony we had to leave at 11, so could eat no longer than 10:30... full mass... 1hrs drive... then an indeterminate amount of time sitting and waiting with no other refreshments other than coffee and a couple of biscuits provided while they did photos... then they delayed the wedding breafast further for some sports match on the TV and it was towards 8pm by the time we ate... finished the wedding breakfast around 10-10:30 and went home promptly after the first dance due to the drive. Despite having sandwiches in the car, we were contemplating eating the chair covers long before the food was served!

With that wedding fresh in our minds, the timings of the day & map went out with invitations. We had a 2pm ceremony and suggested a local pub so that people could travel down then have lunch and make sure they weren't starving before a 6pm meal.

So generally travel between venues (usually a church) isn't an issue if you consider where guests are coming to/from and think about timings and meal times.

I'd find it a bit of a pain too but not that bad.

Yes, fine. I've been to a wedding in Austria where we went to the church for the service, got on a bus and had a tour of the lower alps for an hour then got a cable car up to the restaurant on a mountain top. All in all about 2hrs between service and reception and great fun. We were all staying up in the ski resort so were close to our accommodation for the reception.

Thanks all, to address a few points raised

Camping - no one HAS to camp! It was thrown is an option as we’ve had parties at PIL before where people have just stuck tents up to stay. When I was mentioning possible options to friends a couple said ‘oo could we just stick a tent up?’ to which I said ‘yes probably’. It would not be a requirement, just an option if people wanted it. It might be that no one did.

PILs isn’t rural by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t want to out myself, but it’s just outside a very big commuter town that we also used to live in. I’ve mentioned nice hotel that’s 15 minutes away, it’s actually probably 10, but one could also get a 10 minute taxi into near very big town for a Premier Inn or another bigger fancy hotel depending on budget/preference. The 40 minute drive doesn’t involve any winding country roads.

It’s fine. Friends did this and me and a pile of friends organised a mini bus taxi there and split the cost. Worked out &6/7 a head both ways.
Another friend had a big birthday at her parents and anyone who wanted to stay the night camped in their fields. It was great as it was a late finish with a lot of booze. Some people went home. But in ge morning they did get the barbie going and made all the campers a bacon sarnie...

Basically your PiL's place provides a field to which all infrastructure- marquee, seating, catering, toilets, tents etc has to be imported. I would have the wedding in the church and find a reception venue nearby. Then ask pils to host a bbq the next day for anyone who was still around and felt like driving that distance. I do think it is a big ask to drive so far to eat, dance and sleep in a muddy field.

I think this would be totally fine. I'm going to a wedding in a few weeks where the venue and church are an hour apart!

If you can put on a bus between it would be hugely helpful for those guests who don't drive. But that's the only real consideration I think.

The reason going to the reception venue first has logic to it but I think wouldn’t work is that as lots of people are local to us (but not all) they’d be traveling 40 minutes to the venue, then 40 minutes to the church, then 40 minutes back to the venue, which seems a bit mad to me.

I’m casting my mind around the list to think of different people - DPs family who would travel from further away would probably stay near PIL, so would come this was for wedding, back for reception then would staying there.

Some friends would be near here, and if we married near PIL would be making their way too and from that town anyway,

Some friends live in City, that we are close to. They would likely get a train to the Church, which is why I would transport them to the reception. If they didn’t want to stay taxi 10 minutes to train station in town near venue, from there 35 min train into City. If we did the church near reception they would still need to travel too and from there.

Some of my family who are further away, church location would pretty much be a half way point of driving to reception location, so they might drive, drive on and then back at the end of the night. Even if church was near to the reception they’d be doing that drive. I’ve travelled long and short distances for weddings.

To PP who said they wouldn’t be able to do a 40 min drive due to bladder issues, I really sympathise but surely this means you can’t attend any wedding longer than a short journey away, whatever arrangement? I’m not sure what I could do to make this easier for someone travelling from a distance, but would understand if it stopped someone being to come.

@UrgentScurryfunge eating times I’m really conscious of, DSILs wedding there was ages before food and I was drunk by the time it arrived. I’m thinkig about going for a 2pm ish ceremony in the hope people will fit in

@UrgentScurryfunge too soon! Fit in breakfast and lunch first. Food would also be fairly soon after we got to reception, though these are the details I’d need to iron out.

Getting infrastructure into PILs isn’t that difficult, yes it costs money but we’re saving on actual location hire and can be more flexible with the food, drinks wouldn’t be behind a pay bar - infact guests would be welcome to bring a bottle if they fancied a particular drink, though we’ll have enough for no one to NEED to do that.

@UrgentScurryfunge oh, and accommodation wouldn’t be a long drive from the reception venue. 15 mins maximum, with more than one option for different budgets.

I’d just be pleased it wasn’t another wedding at a ludicrous hotel where a glass of wine costs me £7.

Your plans sound perfect to me, and very like at least one or two weddings I’ve been too.

@ElfAndSafetyBored thanks. Having had to pay some ridiculous sums to go to others weddings over the years I’d like to make mine as cheap for others as possible. My Hen do will also be one night, probably a cheap meal and a drink, no week long Ibiza jaunts costing £600 and losing me half my friends!

OP, I think marrying in YOUR church should be what is the most important aspect of it, and good on you for making it a priority.

It all sounds like a lot of fun.

Yes - this can work.

Friends that did a similar thing basically said ‘everyone stay at these hotels (several to choose from in same area) and a coach will pick you up to take to wedding at mid day, that will then take you to reception and return to the hotels at 11.30pm. Anyone who wants to leav earlier we can book a taxi for you”

It always gets me on here how moany some people are about weddings. Have the wedding you want. Sounds like loads of your friends will love it too. Make sure you have thought of the oldies and have a great day. Anyone who doesn't like it doesn't HAVE to bloody come!