To consider having my reception 40 minutes drive from my wedding reception...

[DontWantToBeAWeddingCF]

And if I did do this, how could I make it work best for my guests? Sorry if this is long, want to get everything in. And I am a long term poster but have name changed for this as a known MNetter in real life.

I know MN loves a wedding thread and I have no desire to be a bridezilla or a CF. I want everyone to enjoy our wedding and not feel stressed or put out, so throwing this one to the lions before any steadfast plans are made. My DSis is also marrying next year so conscious of not booking anything too close to hers as we are lucky to have a great big lovely family who all get on, so don’t want people travelling around the country too much too close together.

The reason I’m considering this is I would like to marry in my church, where I am an active member and part of the community. Church is walking distance from home, and very much a ‘home’ church. I would love that feeling of getting married in a church I’ll be back to every week and is part of me. They are also perfectly comfortable with my DP not being a Christian and happy to marry us there despite this. DP is happy to marry in church because he knows how important it is to me, and the important thing for him is saying his vows not where he says them.

We have always talked about having our reception at his parents, they own loads of land and we can have the run of fields. I never pictured my wedding in a posh hotel or stately home, I want outside and tents and a very chilled atmosphere. People could pitch tents overnight if they wanted, it’ll be so easy for the many children who will be invited as there’s so much space to play. We’ve talked about hiring some soft play equipment and maybe a bouncy castle, things we couldn’t easily do in another venue.

But DPILs are 40 minutes drive from our home and church. I’d love to have both the church I want and the reception we want, but wonder if it will just be a giant faff for everyone. I’m thinking about how I could make it as easy as possible, probably hire some buses from the church to the reception so guests don’t have to worry about that transport. The vast majority of guests will be from around home/near church area, so could get a cab/bus/lift to church for the ceremony, would be taken to the reception and then could go from there home to a hotel or home. I’m not sure we could arrange transport home as well, but maybe to the closest hotel. Drivers could drive between.

The space means we can invite everyone we want - see aforementioned big, lovely family, as well as many friends - a conservative first draft list is at 130/140 people including all the children, though of course aware not all would be able to make it. We don’t want to have evening only invites, everyone will be invited to the whole day, but would be happy for people to just come to the ceremony or reception if that was easier for them. There will be more than enough food and drink for everyone, we want to be good hosts.

Fully ready to be told this is unreasonable, in which case I will probably explore churches close to DPILs to find one that would fit. For me God would be in any church, although I would prefer my own. It’s within the same diocese so my vicar might be able to make a case for me not going to another church for weeks beforehand, though would probably need to be there a few weeks as a bans are read. I have also looked at options for receptions close to my church but there’s nothing that feels right that would be within our budget - my church doesn’t have a church hall or any land around it to pitch a marquee.

Would really welcome people’s thoughts, how could I make this work for you as my guest? Or can I not? What should I be thinking about that I might have forgotten? The most important thing is us getting married, not the wedding, but would love to be able to really celebrate it as well.

Thanks for getting this far.

It sounds like a lovely option and if you make it all very clear on the invitation, then people will know what they're "up against", iyswim.

Pitching tents prior to the wedding = definitely a good idea.
This then means that many guests will drive from the reception to the church and back again, so no transport required.

Those local to the church, if you choose to bus them to the venue then my own feelings are that you should also provide transport back for them too, otherwise how are they going to get back to their own homes? even if they stay in the nearby hotel, they'll still have to get back to their home/ car at the church end the next day.
Of course lift-sharing is an option, but that might require some serious organisation, so that no one gets left out. There have been threads on here where lift-sharing was needed and even bridesmaids have been left behind!!

So just be prepared that to offer a service one way, in my opinion means you should also offer it the other way too.

Does sound like fun though - some of the best weddings I've been to have been in situations like you are describing. :)

Also, all the guests arrived at different times. Older people did not enjoy using the posh portable toilets either which were some distance from the tent and they very much did not find the marquee comfortable, especially when the temperature dropped. The chairs were really uncomfortable as I recall!

@MessyMeTarr it can do, but we know the back way round for both ends that’s only slightly longer. If there was a crash or something there would be several other ways round that would only slightly increase the journey time. We do this journey a lot, and both DP and I have done it in rush hour every weekday for years at a time at different times in our lives. It’s an M, another M and then an A road, we know options to avoid each bit if needed.

Sounds like you’ve thought of everything! Definitely put on the bus if you can and let everyone know it’s provided from the ceremony to the reception on the invite. Also include the info of the nearby hotel and local taxi companies and that way the shudder at the thought of camping types will be set too. I’m sure it will be brilliant

@ThumbWitchesAbroad yes that’s fair, but at most weddings you’d expect to get yourself there and back and not have all transport sorted for you. We can cover a few options but not all. If people wanted to drive to the reception and then home again of course they can. I don’t think we can cover everyone’s transport wherever they’re going.

@MessyMeTarr the toilets wouldn’t be a distance! I have bladder issues, toilets are very high up on my priority list. But actually I can only think of maybe... 4 people over 70 who’d be coming? There would be heaters. I will try and make seating comfortable!

@TroubledLichen thank you

No no, you misunderstood me.
What I meant was, if you offer people transport from the church to the reception, then you need to offer it back again so they can get back to their own transport. If you choose not to, then that's fine - they'll have their own transport with them so not an issue. I absolutely did not mean that you should offer them drop off at their own home!

I went to one like this.

Everyone made their own way to the ceremony (city so public transport accessible).

Then they did a red old style London bus with special wedding signs to take us all about an hour away to the reception which was in some fields owned by the groom's parents.

Then there were minibuses departing at 10pm, 11pm or midnight and doing a circuit taking in the biggest hotels and the train station. So you could get to the hotel of choice or train if you were going elsewhere

They had an area of the marquee to store an overnight bag in so you just left it at back of ceremony, picked it up and took it in bus and then left it in the storage area at reception.

If they are camping it would be better for then to take stuff to the reception venue first and then have a bus take them to the ceremony venue and back again though. Otherwise loads of stuff to transport.

I think the reason is because I said about getting them home - but that was because you'd said many of them were local to the church, so could have walked there themselves rather than driven. I wasn't clear, sorry.
Drop them all back at the church if you choose that option and then they can make their own way home from there. :)

When we got married, we were gifted a coach and driver for the day as a wedding present (they owned a coach company!). It took folk from our house (we had campers too!) to the church and back, not far about 10 miles round trip but tricky due to narrow lanes and lots of touristy traffic.
We sent a map with our invites, and as we knew we had the coach we mentioned this on the invites, so people came, pitched up and then the coach took the first lot to the pub next to the church before returning for the second lot. I think it did 2 or 3 trips (we had a lot of guests and a 30 seater coach)
So perfectly do-able. I'd look at a double decker bus if a lot of people.
We did our own buffet, I bought a load of fridges and freezers and made it all (with friends help) beforehand. On the day I hired 6 students to man the 'bar' (friend owned a pub set up a keg of beer for us), and we had a vat of Pimms, as well as borrowing the church urns for tea/coffee , the students also set out the food, helped serving, clearing away, etc.
Someone brought a tractor and trailer so we had rides for the kids and a bouncy castle and a treasure hunt with goodie bag. We hired a posh set of loos too.

It sounds a bit hard work. Dress up for a church wedding, drive for 40 minutes, presumably get changed, pitch a tent. All before you get a drink.

Honestly, I wouldn't go to that wedding. But you know your guests.

I disagree with those saying you need to offer transport back to somewhere. I’ve been to loads of wedding where there’s been transport provided from the ceremony to the reception. Not one had any sort of lift home provided. Even if some of your guests are local to the church, they can still opt for bus then taxi home or driving themselves. Not everyone will want to leave at the same time, and those that don’t live near the church will need to actually get to their end destination be it home or hotel. It just isn’t practical. And surely no one actually expects the bride and groom to give them a lift home just because they were thoughtful enough to put on a bus to the reception venue

Perfectly normal to me. Where i live there is an expensive wedding hotel close by but realistically we drive about an hour usually for weddings. Nobody minds or moans.

And that includes church for ceremony and then the drive to the hotel. Buses rarely put on these days. Camping sounds like it would be great craic.

You lost me at pitch tents overnight

Honestly, it would be too far for me.
I get horrendously travel sick, and also have bladder issues.
40 minutes on a motorway, with no idea about traffic, possibility for accidents etc, could mean a fairly long time without immediate or quick access to a toilet, there's no way i'd be comfortable risking it.

We did this for our wedding and it was fine. We only had 30 guests though, so it was easy to gauge how people would feel about that sort of thing.

It wouldn’t bother me at all to do that for a friend of family member’s wedding.

I definitely think you ought to offer a bus both ways, if you're offering one at all. 40 minutes' drive is a fair whack in a taxi.

I think it’s fine. I think most people would likely just drive. I know I wouldn’t want to leave my car, get a bus to reception and then have to figure out how to get back to it at the end of the night or next day. I would drive to wedding and then on to reception. You might consider buses from your parents to church and back so people can leave their cars there to start, but if most live near the church anyway, probably no point. I myself would drive between church and reception rather than be stuck without a car and then get a taxi to a hotel nearby at end of the night. I would just make sure you have plenty of space for parking.

We went to a wedding once with an hours drive between church and venue. Also the church was 1 hour 20 mins from where we live and wedding was fairly early at 12 noon. The drive was fine. We did it because they're good friends and we wanted to be there. The only problem was the food situation. There was nothing to eat at all until about 5pm. Baring in mind we had left home at 10:30am, we were starving. If people are going to have an early start I think some small canapés when they get to the reception would be appreciated.

I've also been to a church wedding where the reception was a 40 min drive away. It was just a random country house with a paid bar not the groom's parents house. It was something we raised our eyebrows at slightly as it made things awkward for us, but really didn't mind as we loved the bride and groom and were happy to share their special day.

Your wedding with transport laid on and free booze and free camping sounds perfect.

I also think most people would drive from the wedding to the reception, and then either have the driver not drink or stay local.

Don’t do it
Pain in the arse
It flattened the mood a bit tbh

Our wedding reception was held in an old hunting lodge near my childhood home which was a 40 minutes drive from the church we were married in. My DH's great grandfather had been the minister of the church in bygone years so it made a lovely connection of our families. As a result many of our guests and dh family had already travelled over a hundred miles from the central belt of Scotland to the North. We provided a bus which started at the village nearest the lodge picking up those staying at b and bs etc and made its way to the church stopping at preorganised stops requested by the guests. It then repeated the reverse after the ceremony and again after the reception. Many people still drove. It wasnt too expensive but I can't recall how much and many users donated their "taxi" money.
But whatever you decide to do, the people who care about you and your partner will want to help you celebrate and if they can physically come they will find a solution. It's your wedding and you can't cater for everyone. Hope you have a wonderful day.
P.s our friends were married in an equally rural spot and the local farmer had sprayed love hearts on the sheep which were in the neighbouring fields.

I'd hire coaches to take to and from church. The guests then make their own way to and from that point as they would do for a one venue wedding. It's a huge gap between the two.

I'd not want to camp for a wedding, can't think if anything worse tbh. There's also the fact that presumably ground means grass so I'd worry re heels, dresses etc.

Personally I'd go closer to the church and make it easier for the guests. Weddings shouldn't have to involve an overnight stay and. As you are not paying for the hotel it's rude to presume they will all fork out for expensive taxes or a hotel stay.

I'd only hire a coach if you have enough people without their own transport to the reception venue.