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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he can’t actually be serious?

172 replies

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 15:09

I’m separated from DD’s Dad, but we get on well. He’s been away and only got home last night early this morning. Wasn’t expecting to hear or see him this weekend, he’d says he see DD Tuesday last we spoke.
But anyway he text today to see if we were home and if he could call and see DD for a little bit. I said it was fine, just having a garden play day with the paddling pool out and stuff.
So he called around 11, DD rubs over excited and he says “what’s she wearing?” I think he’s meaning her hat she choose a Batman one at the shop, so I say she chose it.
But no, she had a football shirt on and it’s not his football team! I honestly didn’t know and actually thought he’d maybe bought it, it was a bit big so I thought it was quite a good cover up t shirt while she was in the water. But apparently it’s my dads football team and we agreed she wouldn’t support them! I’ve absolutely no recollection of that as a conversation and ffs she’s not even two, so who cares.

I thought he must be joking and laughed it off and got her another t shirt and said you can change her if you can’t look at it. But I said and meant it jokingly, we can usually joke with each other. He did change it, but stayed and played with her, seemingly fine. But then sent a message when he’d left saying, he really doesn’t want her wearing it again!

I’m not sure what to reply as I really don’t think this is a thing. He’s a big football fan but I’ve never known him be silly over it and him and my dad always got on, they’d joke over it, but nothing more.
I’m thinking he can’t actually be serious so might just send a jokey reply, but the tone of the message strikes me that he’s serious and I don’t want to cause problems over nothing.

OP posts:
Sarahrellyboo1987 · 07/05/2018 18:56

I would reply with “unless you’re going to come round and do my laundry then she’ll wear whatever is cleans and vaguely matches”.
Also - she’s 2 and doesn’t give a shit

pomers · 07/05/2018 19:03

I think i would just ignore him and not reply to his text

IceSwan · 07/05/2018 19:07

Fuck me ....men are arseholes.

Not only men. My DH dressed my 6 month old in a kit and a MLM Juiceplus whore who I didn't know in RL or in any sense well commented

"ewwww your baby has a bit of shit on it"

Shock
lauramaywharton · 07/05/2018 19:18

Lol your dad seems like my dad. My dad taunts my ex about it even brought my 5 year old a kit just to wind him up. I hate football so I'm always like if it fits he wears it and if he wants it, well it goes on. Your ex can try and get her to support his team or your dad might get her to support his. Who cares its your child's choice and she ain't no where near the age to care yet so why should he... My ex loves to point at his son and say eww everytime he wears it which we all laugh at.
Main thing don't let him start dictating to you my ex did that when are little one was under two I nipped that in bub and said when you dress him he can wear what you put on him.
Or if you start this I'll buy more things just because it's funny to wind you up lol we have always had a jokes though and he knows I'm stubborn and slightly evil.

Bummymum · 07/05/2018 19:23

To be fair if DH put DS in an Arsenal shirt I'd not be fucking amused.

DeadGood · 07/05/2018 19:28

I feel nothing but contempt for this sort of thing.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 07/05/2018 19:55

What an ejit... it’s a game!

I worked with a woman whose husband wouldn’t let his son into the house because he was wearing a different football shirt to his team and made him change it on the doorstep... utterly barmy!

DoraJar · 07/05/2018 20:08

I’m told football is a matter of life and death to some - but apparantly its much more important than that!

RedHelenB · 07/05/2018 21:10

You make way more decisions as main carer than he does so why not let him make this one, it's no skin off yours or your dds nose at the moment. Have to say I was gutted when ds looked like he wasn't supporting his local team but now he's older and off his own bat he does now.

Liketoshop · 07/05/2018 21:18

Why couldn't he tell you face to face? It's all very petty.

MrsCatE · 07/05/2018 21:33

And obvious exDh never actually goes to watch a game or take his kud

SirGawain · 07/05/2018 21:51

Nobody can take a game involving 22 overpaid Prima-Donna's kicking a dead cow around seriously!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/05/2018 21:54

Is he a Sunderland supporter?

And just what's that supposed to mean?

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 07/05/2018 21:56

Yes, I think he’s definitely realising the grass isn’t greener perfectstorm.
He is very good though and we do get on.
He’s had dd today when he wasn’t going to and he did look pretty tired, then when he dropped her off he’s looked at my car for me as it’s been juddering and I haven’t a clue with cars.
We’re not in london no, which is odd really in regards to the teams. He does go watch when he can though, so maybe he’ll take dd when she’s older. I know he hopes she’ll play and I imagine he’ll get involved in the team (coaching or something) if she does.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 07/05/2018 22:01

I think it’s obvious from people’s responses that football can be quite the emotional thing.
I’m not interested personally and I don’t get it! But I don’t dislike my ex and if he wants dd wearing a arsenal shirt and only arsenal I’m ok with that. He knows I’m not a fan of ‘daddy’s little princess’ type stuff and he doesn’t put her in any of that.

Plus for the later posters, he has apologised and admitted he was acting like a dick.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 07/05/2018 22:03

He did say something Liketoshop but I laughed it off and then I went to go sort some stuff out while he played with dd. When he was going, we were talking about arrangements for today and he was rushing to go get changed to watch the match (dd had soaked him in the paddling pool). So I think that’s why he text it.

OP posts:
FreeMantle · 07/05/2018 22:33

I would absolutely make sure she signs up to Rugby minis and start supporting a premeiership team.
None of that twattery there despite being passionate about their teams.

helsinkihelen · 07/05/2018 22:46

I'm glad it's all sorted. For people that love football - it's a bit of a rite of passage to pass that love on to your kids. A bit like teaching a kid to ride a bike or buying first pairs of shoes. It means a lot to some and little to others. You handled it really well. And a great lesson in choosing your battles.x

Cannyapper · 07/05/2018 22:46

It seems to me that you must have a really good co-parenting arrangement (e.g. how flexible you were about his visiting times). I think don’t bother rocking the boat when it isn’t something that you feel strongly about. Xx

Greatblue0wl · 07/05/2018 22:53

For me, and it is a personal opinion, extreme football fanatics are people I cannot relate to at all.

Children must support a team because dad/mum does? So what if they don’t?

Dressing a child in a team shirt does not guarantee loyalty.

Greatblue0wl · 07/05/2018 22:55

helskin it’s not the same as riding a bike though. Unless they can only ride a bike in a certain colour.

Thisisnotreallymyname · 07/05/2018 23:27

My husband supports one team and has one of their mugs.
My brother will not accept a cup of tea in it !
Mad !

Crummyfunnymummy · 07/05/2018 23:27

My DH is very passionate about his team. It would really upset him if I dressed one of our DC in a different team’s kit. Personally I think it’s all bollocks! I can’t stand football, but I’m trying to respect that it really REALLY means a lot to him. I don’t understand it and I never will. But while I think your XDP is being utterly ridiculous, I also know that he is probably feeling genuinely very upset about it. On the one hand it’s laughable but on the other I suppose we must try to respect someone’s feelings if they feel them that strongly. If we were talking about cultural differences or matters of religion, we wouldn’t be so dismissive. And to my DH (who is not religious) his feelings for his team are real and genuine and akin to religious zealousness! I would say to try and be understanding even though we know it’s all a load of twaddle!!! Grin

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 07/05/2018 23:32

He's gentle and funny and loves women but, I've learnt not to joke about certain aspects of football around him

I hate it when men are described as "he loves women" - no, what you mean is he likes to fuck and/or objectify women, he doesn't 'love' the little old lady shuffling down the street or the overweight unattractive girl in the next office along. If you have to tiptoe around any man about his football, he's a manchild and needs to grow the fuck up. Can't believe people are defending this idiot in the OP

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 23:40

My reading of this is that he really missed his little girl and wanted to see her. He might have a little fantasy of bringing her to matches when she’s older and sharing a team and seeing her in another team shirt might be upsetting. Silly of course, but if he was lonely for her and a bit tired and jet lagged he might have seen it as her being distanced from him. I’d let him off the hook on this.

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