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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he can’t actually be serious?

172 replies

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 15:09

I’m separated from DD’s Dad, but we get on well. He’s been away and only got home last night early this morning. Wasn’t expecting to hear or see him this weekend, he’d says he see DD Tuesday last we spoke.
But anyway he text today to see if we were home and if he could call and see DD for a little bit. I said it was fine, just having a garden play day with the paddling pool out and stuff.
So he called around 11, DD rubs over excited and he says “what’s she wearing?” I think he’s meaning her hat she choose a Batman one at the shop, so I say she chose it.
But no, she had a football shirt on and it’s not his football team! I honestly didn’t know and actually thought he’d maybe bought it, it was a bit big so I thought it was quite a good cover up t shirt while she was in the water. But apparently it’s my dads football team and we agreed she wouldn’t support them! I’ve absolutely no recollection of that as a conversation and ffs she’s not even two, so who cares.

I thought he must be joking and laughed it off and got her another t shirt and said you can change her if you can’t look at it. But I said and meant it jokingly, we can usually joke with each other. He did change it, but stayed and played with her, seemingly fine. But then sent a message when he’d left saying, he really doesn’t want her wearing it again!

I’m not sure what to reply as I really don’t think this is a thing. He’s a big football fan but I’ve never known him be silly over it and him and my dad always got on, they’d joke over it, but nothing more.
I’m thinking he can’t actually be serious so might just send a jokey reply, but the tone of the message strikes me that he’s serious and I don’t want to cause problems over nothing.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 06/05/2018 16:18

just out of curiosity... my Daughter plays football here in Scotland.. what will your Ex do...in a few years.. if your DD plays too.. and maybe ends up supporting a different Team entirely.. you see where I'm going.. it's all well and good him supporting His Team.. but that doesn't mean it's got to be Her Team too.. right Flowers

ittakes2 · 06/05/2018 16:20

If you said your ex was in general a prick that's one thing - but you said you get on OK. Football team support in the UK is another level - but he is all the same a fan of a particular team and its important to him - so I would not see it as a big deal to not put her in a top which was not his team. After all, since she owns the top of your dad's football team...I'm guessing someone in your family bought her that top and it was important to them?

BringOnTheScience · 06/05/2018 16:26

Arsenal / Chelsea is understandable... but Arsenal / Spurs would be worse!

[Hoping that the Gunners win today to give Wenger a decent send off]

diddl · 06/05/2018 16:26

"I won’t do something to wind him up."

But really it's something that he's choosing to wind himself up about.

I get that you won't put it on her when he collects her for his time with her, but it was a last minute visit by him-so hardly as if it was a deliberate wind up tactic by you.

He should have been pleased that you were accomodating, not bleating on about a tshirt-that's hardly in the best interests of his daughter, is it?

Anyway, if it's so important to him-how come she doesn't already own a tshirt of "his" team?

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 06/05/2018 16:31

It's a tribal thing. Instead of fighting each other with sticks, they use football as their thing.

Just say it wasn't deliberate and DD will not wear any football shirts until she's old enough to decide who she supports.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 06/05/2018 16:32

There might be an excuse- like he's jet lagged and out of his tiny mind
Haha Grin

The idea that a 1 year old is "supporting" a team is hilarious. You're right to treat the whole thing as a joke and laugh about it op.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 16:36

Like I said before today, I’d never have thought it would really bother him Gemini69.

Like I said maybe he’s just tired and hungover, he looked pretty rough.

I just text back, sorry didn’t even know you supported Arsenal, sure you’ve never mentioned it before! I won’t let dd wear THAT shirt again, but is there some ritual I need to undertake to dispose of it or can it just go to the charity shop?
Hope they win tonight 🤞🏻

Plus I’ve asked if he wants dd tomorrow, so I can go out!! Now if he says no to that, I’ll send my dad a picture of her in the full kit.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 06/05/2018 16:40

I wouldn't send the photo to DGF because I wouldn't play into their childish football games. She may grow up and decide she's a Wolves fan ffs, they can't choose for her.

I'd just not reply

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 16:42

She does diddl at his. That’s what’s confused me though I’m sure she had a blue shirt on in a photo he put on, but this ones blue. Turns out it’s Arsenal’s other kit,

OP posts:
JiminyBillyBob · 06/05/2018 16:43

Football fans get pathetic about the whole thing. Just ignore him. Put her in whatever you like.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 16:43

Posted too soon! But how the fuck do I keep up if they switch bloody colours.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/05/2018 16:44

Have to say I would never have let any of my kids wear a rival team football shirt until such time as they were old enough to decide if that was the team they were supporting. And I would have been absolutely gutted if they had chosen one particular football team.

missyB1 · 06/05/2018 16:45

Jesus I would have told him to bloody grow up as dd doesn't want a 10 year old for a dad.

Its nice that you get on with him OP, but be careful dont let him think that he can dictate over every petty thing in DD's life. And dont think you have to appease him all the time.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 16:46

Anyway he replied
Ha! Very funny. Burn the thing for all I care, although don’t let dd breath those fumes.
If they lose you know it’s your fault, right?But he sent a winky face so I’m guessing he’s seeing the funny side, now!

And he’s collecting dd tomorrow, so all’s good.

OP posts:
Mariaaaaa · 06/05/2018 16:46

My little DS is a Chelsea fan

Well he's 3..he doesn't really know if he's a Chelsea fan. But he is Grin

ExDH is a Liverpool fan. I'm obviously a blue..

We had a discussion before DS was born, I laid it out - my child will never wear the red of Liverpool

Unless he wants to be grounded forever

diddl · 06/05/2018 16:49

"She does diddl at his. "

That's odder than ever then!!

Why does he get to choose what team she supports?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2018 16:49

Why have you cow towed to him? I think you’ve made a mistake here. I’m saying this as someone, who couldn’t give a fig about football, but with a dh, who loves football and staunchly supports a team.

If my dd had a grandfather ready and willing to take her to a football match of a rival team when she’s older, my dh wouldn’t have very much of an issue. He’d probably be telling her to boo/hiss etc as a joke. You’re already deciding for a toddler what their views and preferences will be when they are old enough to know them. That’s not ok.

Of course your dad bought the Chelsea strip to wind him up. Rather like I put dd in Union jacks when she was smaller for a laugh as dh is French. It’s ribbing, nothing more.

HazelBite · 06/05/2018 16:55

Buy her a Spurs kit to wear, that will really upset both DGF and her Dad!

Whereismumhiding2 · 06/05/2018 17:03

Good, all sorted then @CandiedPeach
You've dealt well with it Grin
You know your ExDP best. Mutual respect is best, as long as goes both ways.

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/05/2018 17:07

I understand why you don’t want to deliberately rile him up by putting her in stuff he doesn’t like. But for her sake you should also give her the space to support a different team if she wants to when she’s older. And part of doing that is a conversation with your ex (when he’s not jet lagged etc.) about how over the top his reaction was and how unfair on your DD it could be.

CalF123 · 06/05/2018 17:08

I think it really depends on the teams involved. If your ex is a Chelsea fan for example, and you had her in a Norwich top, he needs to get a grip. If he supports Rangers and she was wearing a Celtic top, I can see why he'd be annoyed.

diddl · 06/05/2018 17:11

"I think it really depends on the teams involved."

Oh dear lord, don't find reasons to excuse such twattery!

Soozikinzi · 06/05/2018 17:12

If it's important to him and not to you then I think she support her dads team. They'll be able to bond a lot of the years supporting them together and it means nothing to you. Just my opinion xx

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 17:13

I think like someone mentioned it’s maybe to do with us not being together and him not being around as much. I’m sure if we were together he’d just laugh about it. So it’s probably insecurity about him not being around all the time and I guess feeling like another man (even if it’s DD’s grandad) taking his role.
If he made a issue of DD’s own choices, I’d most definitely say something to him.

I think he’s seeing the funny side now anyway.

OP posts:
CalF123 · 06/05/2018 17:16

@diddl

It's not necessarily twattery. A lot of (especially men) enjoy bringing their DC up to support a particular team, and it can really mean a lot to them if their relatives have supported them for generations. Seeing your DC in the strip of an arch rival could be really quite upsetting for a lot of people

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