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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he can’t actually be serious?

172 replies

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 15:09

I’m separated from DD’s Dad, but we get on well. He’s been away and only got home last night early this morning. Wasn’t expecting to hear or see him this weekend, he’d says he see DD Tuesday last we spoke.
But anyway he text today to see if we were home and if he could call and see DD for a little bit. I said it was fine, just having a garden play day with the paddling pool out and stuff.
So he called around 11, DD rubs over excited and he says “what’s she wearing?” I think he’s meaning her hat she choose a Batman one at the shop, so I say she chose it.
But no, she had a football shirt on and it’s not his football team! I honestly didn’t know and actually thought he’d maybe bought it, it was a bit big so I thought it was quite a good cover up t shirt while she was in the water. But apparently it’s my dads football team and we agreed she wouldn’t support them! I’ve absolutely no recollection of that as a conversation and ffs she’s not even two, so who cares.

I thought he must be joking and laughed it off and got her another t shirt and said you can change her if you can’t look at it. But I said and meant it jokingly, we can usually joke with each other. He did change it, but stayed and played with her, seemingly fine. But then sent a message when he’d left saying, he really doesn’t want her wearing it again!

I’m not sure what to reply as I really don’t think this is a thing. He’s a big football fan but I’ve never known him be silly over it and him and my dad always got on, they’d joke over it, but nothing more.
I’m thinking he can’t actually be serious so might just send a jokey reply, but the tone of the message strikes me that he’s serious and I don’t want to cause problems over nothing.

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 06/05/2018 17:17

OMG some men take football SO seriously.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 17:22

And oops! Sorry for typos and spelling in my post. I was using my phone in the garden and never read through what I’d written.

OP posts:
ICantCopeAnymore · 06/05/2018 17:24

How common.

BewareOfDragons · 06/05/2018 17:26

He's being a jerk.

Your family supports a different team; your child is half you; she can also support your family's team if she wants to.

Or any other bloody team if she chooses.

People really need to grow up about such things.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 17:29

I don’t support any team BewareOfDragons.

OP posts:
Shamoo · 06/05/2018 17:29

There's an awful lot of gender stereotyping going on in some of these posts. As a woman, who is a big football fan, I wouldn't want my children in a shirt of a huge rival unless it was something that they chose when they were old enough. If you don't "get" football, that's fine, but there isn't anything intrinsically wrong in supporting a football team, and hoping your child will support the same team as they grow up.

I'm also intrigued that everybody seems to just find the GF's behaviour funny, even though he has intentionally purchased a kit that he knows is likely to annoy the child's dad. Isn't that just a bit mean? It would be impossible for somebody who actually follows football to buy the child of a man who supports Chelsea an Arsenal shirt without knowing it is likely to annoy the dad.

Anyway, none of that is aimed at you OP - seems like it has all settled down now, so hopefully not an issue.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/05/2018 17:43

Plenty of us women would feel exactly the same as the OP's ex. And as plenty of posters regularly say, grandparents/other family members should respect parents wishes regarding anything concerning youngsters. If any member of my family had purchased a rival kit for my kids i would have (fairly) politely returned it.

Stormy76 · 06/05/2018 17:44

He is being silly but men get very precious about football, my husband is a footie fan (Tottenham Hotspur). He was once given a joke gift at work ....a tray of Man United tinned spaghetti. I said oh well the tin cupboard will be full for a while....his response ....I would rather starve I will not eat it. He gave it away and was in a real huff about it because I said he was being daft. He would have got pissy with me if one of the boys wore a different footie top as well.

It's because they never grow up ..... just humour him becaus eit is really too stupid to fall out over lol

DalmatianDots · 06/05/2018 17:46

he might be feeling a bit like you're getting your Dad to "replace" him as the male figure in your DD's life

I think this is what’s happening.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/05/2018 17:50

He is being silly but men get very precious about football,

No it's not silly and it's football fans which are not exclusively male.

kittymamma · 06/05/2018 17:51

My husband and father had a similar discussion on the birth of our first child. It was really strange as they were both deadly serious about it. It was agreed that our children were allowed to support my father's team for UK premiership games and in the Spanish league they must support my husband's team. In the event of them playing each other (possible for some other league - Idk though) then it must be my husband's team. In the event of England v Spain final my dad brought up his Irish roots and I lost interest in that conclusion...

So in summary... men are wierd!! You made the right decision...

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2018 17:59

I’m also intrigued that everybody seems to just find the GF’s behaviour funny, even though he has intentionally purchased a kit that he knows is likely to annoy the child’s dad. Isn’t that just a bit mean?

It’s not funny. It’s rivalry. And ribbing. All of this “generations of” football fans is a bit much imo. What about following women's football seeing as she’s a girl? Afterall women’s FA football was far bigger than men’s until it was banned in 1921 by jealous men in charge of the F. The ban was lifted 47 years ago but still yet to recover. Misogyny at its best right there.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 18:02

Yes my dad did it on purpose Shamoo, but when we were together as a joke birthday gift for ex. It was a older shirt in the sale and is a bit big now so no way would have fit dd at the time. It must have just got put in with stuff and I’ve come across it as I’ve still been unpacking.
My dads not tried to get dd into his team or anything, him and ex always joked about football but they got on really well and still get on ok now.

But they are definitely both weird!

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 06/05/2018 18:05

I think every opinion I would have expressed has already been put here.

I dont get football (dont care about it either), but it riles me that ex-Idiot feels that our kids are Irish without taking into account my cultural heritage.

Let it slide, and then point out the fact that in a few years your daughter will have an opinion of her own. I wouldnt let a football team get in the way of an amicable relationship. Even if he is behaving like a big baby.

Beeziekn33ze · 06/05/2018 18:06

How old is DD? Does she support either of the teams?

Heatherjayne1972 · 06/05/2018 18:06

I know a man who wouldn’t put red bed clothes on his sons bed because ‘his’ team play in blue!
Some men are just a bit strange with supporting a football team

Tbh. I’d reply ok. And leave it there

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 18:07

I think the supposed conversation must have been between my dad and ex kittymamma as it wasn’t with me. Either that or I agreed without actually listening, which if I heard football teams I probably did.

Never mind, fingers crossed she likes ballet like her mama. Or, swimming, music, art, rugby, netball........ anything but bloody football.

OP posts:
VanessaShanessaJenkins · 06/05/2018 18:09

Woah- a lot of people calling men sombre right nasty things on here just for being passionate about something!

For what it's worth I've got friends who joke about trying to convince dd to support anyone other than Liverpool. It's not happening. If any of them bought her anything football related of another team I'd know they'd be doing it as a joke and I'd give them the ashes back.

And those of you saying what if dd chooses a different team when she's older- that just won't happen. It's a bit like religion- you listen to something enough growing up you'll believe it forever Grin

GrandTheftWalrus · 06/05/2018 18:11

I wouldn't be amused if someone put a rival top on dd. However when she grows up she can support who she likes.

We've never put her in any football tops.

CandiedPeach · 06/05/2018 18:12

Although it looks like Arsenal are winning! So maybe dd wearing a Chelsea shirt is a good omen, might text ex that Wink

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 06/05/2018 18:21

TalkFastThinkSlow
Oh and my dad also said, send me a picture of her in it, I’ll have it as my cover pic on fb.
I’m not going to do that.

Please do it, your ex is a twat lol

As is the OP's dad as he is happy to annoy the ex.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2018 18:27

If someone put DD in a Chelsea shirt it would revoke the same gut wrenching feeling as someone trying to have her baptised without my consent although I would have been less lary about it outwardly as I know I’d look like I was going OTT. But inside that’s what it would feel like.

Fortunately DH and I support the same team and it was one of the same things that clicked when we met along with being non religious Grin

gamerchick · 06/05/2018 18:29

People are strange about football.

Me and the husband took my youngest out for the day once and I’d put him in a Sunderland top and husband had a Newcastle top on. He made a noise about it but he’s not a complete knob. Everywhere we went there was attention and I finally got it. Poor husband. The top vanished shortly after that.

I probably would be tempted to wind him up but wouldn’t.

Mintychoc1 · 06/05/2018 18:32

OP arsenal won 5-0 today so I think the shirt incident may be forgotten!

SunshineandRain18 · 06/05/2018 18:37

Is it Huddersfield by any chance? Lol my partner has an obsession! My dad is also the opposite to Huddersfield. I think we may have a lot in common because I've had the same problem lol!