To wonder why people 'don't drive'

[ZX81user]

..medical conditions aside.It is such a useful life skill.
I think it is part of a parent's responsibility to get their teen througj their test.

I didn't mean buses are less safe then cars in terms of crashing, I meant in terms of hassle from the public. Have you guys seriously never experienced being on a bus or train and having some random person come and sit and talk at you incessantly even when you are clear you wish to be left alone? Even more disturbing when there's a sexual aspect and it's a man? Have you never been on a bus or train where a guy has come and sit right next to you, close enough to be touching you, and asked personal questions? If so, I'm glad for you, because it's happened several times to me and pretty much every other woman I know. It happens frequently. Not just to me, when I've been on public transport I've seen men do it to other women too.

A few weeks ago on a coach I had a horrible incident where a man tried to sit next to me, hemming me in, when there were loads of free double seats available. And when I got up to move as he wouldn't take no for an answer he physically grabbed my bags and tried to force me to sit back down so he could sit next to me.

It's all well and good saying 'nobody is interested in talking to you' as if you think I'm so big headed and full of myself I believe I'm a people magnet, but that's not what I'm saying. Being on a bus or train opens you up to having your personal space violated and worse.

Plenty of people have no choice but to get the bus anyway and I'm sure some people have never experienced it so don't even realise it happens, but the fact remains I feel much much safer in my car, alone, in control and with the ability to decide who gets in, than I do as a young woman on public transport.

She loves public transport, never wanted to drive, and loves a good chat with people on the bus (not sure they love a god chat at 7am, but..). Each to their own.

I hope she takes note when people aren't interested and isn't one of those crashing bores who are so rude they just carry on at you regardless. I can't stand those people.

Ha ha no @Walking, I did mention to her that it could be a tad early for some folk, but she picks up on vibes and knows when to keep quiet. She’s not loud or rude, just friendly.

She hates the thought of being alone cooped up in a car.

It's funny how different everyone is with regards to socialising isn't it SolarSearcher!

I'm the complete opposite, I am very sociable with plenty of friends but my commute and any long drive is something I relish doing alone, time to sit and think and focus on the music and have some space, I'd go nuts if my commute was with a colleague in a car share or something as I just really like my own space and to not have to talk!

I have gotten buses plenty before and they're just awful. They rarely come on time, they're not cheap, they often smell bad or are filthy, people try and talk to you when you're clearly not interested and sometimes won't leave you alone, and your route is predetermined so you don't even usually end up where you need to be without another decent walk at the other side.

Good luck trying to get from A to B in central London in a car! You'll have to pay the congestion charge, be sitting in traffic while the buses whizz past you in the bus lane, and you'll have an even longer walk because you can't park anywhere near your destination. And it'll cost a fortune to park whenever you do manage to park up. Car is way more expensive and takes longer than the bus in my everyday life

London from the top deck of a Routemaster is glorious! Stuck in a jam not going anywhere in a car, not so much

Not having a driving licence is naive, imo

to not bother to get a licence is really short sighted

Given that I'm 54 years old, how far-sighted do I actually need to be?

What are the chances that I would suddenly be able or wish to launch myself into some totally new career where car driving is of the essence. At my age, I know my skills sets, I know my limitations, I know the kind of job I could reasonably be looking at- all completely tied up with an urban environment.

Have you guys seriously never experienced being on a bus or train and having some random person come and sit and talk at you incessantly even when you are clear you wish to be left alone? Even more disturbing when there's a sexual aspect and it's a man? Have you never been on a bus or train where a guy has come and sit right next to you, close enough to be touching you, and asked personal questions? If so, I'm glad for you, because it's happened several times to me and pretty much every other woman I know. It happens frequently. Not just to me, when I've been on public transport I've seen men do it to other women too.

Not to me. I've been getting the bus and tube daily for 15 years. Worst I've had is someone who's already sat next to me on a train, and I just pop my headphones on. Never been touched. Never been harassed.

I honestly don't know how non-drivers fit everything in

Well I used to have a car and it was a pain in the arse to drive anywhere, so the car never got used. The only time I drove it was to whizz it round the block to stop it getting a flat battery. Tube / bus / walk / cycle / cab / uber much much quicker, easier and cheaper.

Firstly I couldn't afford to. Secondly I lived in London and didn't need to. When I moved to the suburbs I learned to. I have a friend who doesn't as her sister was killed in a car accident and she's uncomfortable in a car now. Others I know have epilepsy and so aren't allowed to drive. My parents use public transport as they're not keen on driving and they live close to good rail and bus links. What's it to you? 🤔

corythatwas
Given that I'm 54 years old, how far-sighted do I actually need to be?

What are the chances that I would suddenly be able or wish to launch myself into some totally new career where car driving is of the essence. At my age, I know my skills sets, I know my limitations, I know the kind of job I could reasonably be looking at- all completely tied up with an urban environment.

Gosh how narrow-minded of you. There are loads of women in their late fifties who decide to retrain as Deliveroo drivers or chauffeurs. Loads I tell you.

It happens frequently. Not just to me, when I've been on public transport I've seen men do it to other women too.

Really, it happens 'frequently'? I mean, I don't deny that women get sexually harassed on public transport - as in many other situations - occasionally, but you think it happens to you and 'every other woman you know' frequently ? Where on earth do you live?

Because I've lived in London for nearly 40 years, and have been travelling around by public transport for all of that time, and I can count the times I've been sexually harassed on the fingers of two hands.

It's almost frightening that you have such faith in the impenetrability and security of a car.

Honestly, it is a more essential adult life skill to learn how to deal with situations in which other people are in the vicinity, rather than relying on always being able to lock yourself into a car.

'The thing is, however cheeky non drivers were, even if we literally all bummed lifts, the damage that you drivers are doing is the topic of greater importance. And while you can opt out of giving people lifts if you want, there's nothing I can do about what you're doing to my air quality.'

So you are saying you have made a conscious decision not to drive. Which is first and foremost to benefit the environment? Have I understood that correctly?

Once when I was 19, a man came and sat opposite me on a train and told me he had fallen in love with me and that he simply had to be near me. Obviously I was totally freaked out. I've had countless other incidents with men chatting me up on the train and drunk people offering me beers, etc etc.

It happens a lot.

Could you clarify where you got the first and foremost part from? Me pointing out the undoubted and significant environmental benefits to my decision doesn't actually mean that was the primary reason. Or maybe it was, but I don't feel like telling you that until I get a bit more from you.

OutofSyncGirl
Once when I was 19, a man came and sat opposite me on a train and told me he had fallen in love with me and that he simply had to be near me. Obviously I was totally freaked out. I've had countless other incidents with men chatting me up on the train and drunk people offering me beers, etc etc. It happens a lot.

This really just makes me reiterate my earlier comment that learning to deal with people is a lot more vital a skill than driving.

I started travelling alone by tube at 11, and in the first year I was flashed at, wanked at, and had various comments made to me on a regular basis. Same for all the other girls who travelled to my school. By the time we were 12 or 13 we were sufficiently tough to deal with these situations.

To be totally freaked out at 19 by a man declaring his love for you (nutter on train = ignore, get up and move, find train manager, or find another member of the public to help), or to think that 'drunk people offering you beers' counts as frightening harassment (this happened to me last night coming home from town - I didn't think once or even twice about it, would not have remembered it if not for this thread) really strongly suggests that you should do some work on learning how to cope with situations in which you might encounter members of the public. Being offered a beer is really not a frightening harassment situation.

Gorgon - you don't have the right to tell me how I should feel about men approaching me on a train. If I felt harassed then it was harassment.

I cannot think of one incident where I have been harassed on public transport and I'm sure I use it far more often than drivers. I've used it at 3am in the morning on the way back from a night out and nothing. I get the bus daily to and from work and the majority of people on it are OAPs. The harassment I generally receive is when I'm walking down the street... from men in cars/vans shouting and beeping at me.

I often leave my town as I have friends in different cities. If you book train tickets well in advance they're cheap as chips. I've travelled from the east Midlands to Wiltshire and back for £35 on the train recently.

I think walking lives in a Hunger Games version of London transport that I don’t recognise

CM - I don't really care that much. You sound awfully defensive and the tone of your posts seem to suggest you have a chip on your shoulder.

Yes the environment is a problem. In LA people can't put their washing out because of smog. I suppose you don't use airline travel either? You cannot change the world and most people need cars. And if they don't drive them they tend to sponge of other people. Not always but often.

Oh I will say though that I don't enjoy using public transport when football matches are on and the fans are travelling to and from the match. More because the noise they make does my head in!

‘And if they don't drive them they tend to sponge of other people. Not always but often.’

I can't believe the post above suggesting that women need to be wanked at and flashed at because its character building. And is all part of growing up. What a load of bollox

Pass - I'm afraid that is my experience. My ex H and I are separated and I have done all the fetching and carrying so he can see his children. It's annoying and he never offered a penny towards the petrol.

Yes we can only go on our own personal experiences as long as we recognise that they are just that and not a reflection of society as a whole. There are a lot of non drivers that don’t ‘sponge.’

Im sure not all non drivers are spongers, agreed