To wonder why people 'don't drive'

[ZX81user]

..medical conditions aside.It is such a useful life skill.
I think it is part of a parent's responsibility to get their teen througj their test.

I'd never claim it's better to not be able to drive. I'd like to have a driving license "just in case", and be able to share the driving with DH on the rare occasion that we hire a car. But as we live in one of the most expensive cities in the world we need to prioritise what we spend our money on, and lessons so that I can drive for a couple of days, two or three times a year is not going to be top of the list.

If our circumstances were to change (lottery win, moving somewhere very rural with crap public transport) I'd learn.

I would also never claim it is better to not be able to drive. But be aware - with the increase in people living to a ripe old age - it WILL come as a shock to a lot of people that sometimes old age/frailty/eyesight changes/illness means that they actually tell you you are not ALLOWED to drive any more.

MIL was seriously affronted that she had to give up at 79 when her nerve issues made her legs too weak and unreliable to continue driving. (and her doctor told her and the DVLA so). She thought me being stopped by my doctors advice was just me "lacking backbone".

She does of course live in the arse end of nowhere with no buses, no shops and no hope with weekly appointments at doctor/hospital/chiropodist etc which are costing her a fortune - but she won't move. hey ho...

"As a non driver I'd never insist that it's better. Everyone's circumstances are different and I understand that of course some people do need a car.
What bugs me is when drivers seem to think that not being able to drive is ludicrous."

THIS.

For me, being able to read Latin, French and German at speed is essential, because I couldn't have the life I have without it.

But I don't start threads telling other people how weird or irresponsible they are for not learning. If they haven't learnt, then presumably it is because they don't need to. (or because they intend to ask me to translate...)

I agree Cory. Unlike driving, which is something people learn to do voluntarily, we are all forced to learn at least one foreign language at school. Those who fail st it aren’t castigated on MN with threads along the lines of ‘But how would you survive if you moved to a remote village in the Pyrenees?!?!’

Not having a driving licence is naive, imo. These threads are fascinating, in real life I only know one person without the ability to drive, who has chosen not to, and relies on others to get by. For example recently we went to a gig together in a town roughly equidistant from both of our homes. He offered up for me to sleep at his house after 'as a favour', when what he really wanted was for me to stay with him so that I drove us back to his after the show as he'd have been unable to get home and therefore go to the show otherwise! I accepted doing it as I stupidly hadn't checked the distance and had mistakenly thought that his place was nearer to the venue or at least in the same direction as mine, but in the end when I'd much have preferred to just drive home myself after the gig I ended up sleeping at his instead then a double length drive the day after to get home! I have to laugh now when he implies he did me a favour letting me sleep at his 😂 Won't be doing that again.

He offered to help a friend move house but as they needed to get it all loaded on a Sunday morning before 10, he literally couldn't get there as there weren't the transport options, so everyone else who could drive did it instead.

Not being able to drive is limiting, there's no two ways around that, it just is. Drivers can do everything a non driver can do by just not using their car but non drivers don't have the ability to drive even if they wanted to.

Totally agree there are scenarios where owning a car is unnecessary (London if you rarely leave) but to not bother to get a licence is really short sighted, as you're shutting off options for yourself in the future if you possibly wanted to move somewhere different or take a job that required a licence.

And if that came up and you decided to learn you've then got that time delay between deciding and passing, which can be months to years. get your licence as soon as you can, then even if you don't drive, when you need to all you need to do is take a few booster lessons and away you go.

Even if you can't pay for your kids to learn, please don't put them off by pretending it's not almost a necessity in this day and age. Barring being unable to drive due to finances and health, why would you want to limit yourself?

'shortsighted' and 'naive' - will add that to the list, thanks. Not sure if you know what naive means though, as it sounds like you were the one who was naive in thinking your pal was doing you a favour.

Not having a driving licence is naive
No its not.Think of the one thing you really cant do.That other people find easy or doable.Thats me with driving.

@Walking have you listened to anything anyone said on here? How is it shortsighted and naive of me to have tried to learn to drive for SIX YEARS? I failed 5 tests, couldn't afford to do it anymore. At no point did it become easier or less stressful for me. Can you explain how that's naive please

pretending it's not almost a necessity in this day and age.

Have you literally not read any of the thread?

I think you need to look up the dictionary definitions of naive.

We all place limitations on ourselves one way or another.

I am pushing 55. I am not going to develop an urge to live out in the sticks now, I am way past caring about career advancement. I do not want to spend hours a day commuting, whether that by car or public transport. For most of working life I've had interesting jobs which I've enjoyed.
My main limitation now is being a single parent with a son with disabilties not the lack of a car. By the time I've got him through college I will be retirement age and will be quite happy pottering about on my allotment, getting involved more in my local community, and travelling around like I have always done, on the train and the occasional taxi.

I don't know yet if my son will be able to drive because of disabilities. I do know that at 14, he can get around the country by public transport.

How do you even go about 'pretending it's not almost a necessity'? Makes no sense.

Why in the name of arse are so many drivers on here complaining that there are not enough drivers on the choked roads????

If it is just that you resent giving lifts to non-drivers then don't give any lifts! Just say No! The only non-drivers who would be upset by your refusal are entitled cheeky fuckers in the first place so why give a damn about upsetting them?

If you are too meek to say No that's your problem - not the non-drivers. Pull on your big girl pants and stand up for yourself, and drop the martyrdom.

Why does it need repeating over and over again?

I will NEVER want to move somewhere where having a car is essential to getting around.

I will NEVER want to apply for a job where a license is essential.

What is so difficult to understand about that?

I actually will encourage DS to learn to drive in case he does want to do those things. Because I appreciate he might want a different lifestyle to me. I wish some drivers on here would actually understand that about non drivers.

Yes I've read the whole thread.

Sorry Johnnyfinland, I should have clarified. That my saying it's naive not to bother with a licence is of course only applicable to people that are able to and choose not to. I said finances and health, but I consider being incapable of passing despite having tonnes of lessons to be in a similar category. As if you've given it your best shot and you literally can't manage to pass, you don't have a licence therefore can't drive.

Although I think there are some cases where non drivers say they won't learn because they don't feel confident, and I wonder if they realise that very few learner drivers begin with confidence. It's scary and nerve wracking and difficult for most people and requires developing your spatial awareness and hazard perception and all kinds of things you might not be naturally good at.

If someone is confident they will never need to drive and happy with the limitations that placed on them in future scenarios that haven't occurred to them yet, and they don't expect other drivers to ferry them around, then it's nobody's business but theirs and affects nobody. But it's still naive to act as though not learning to drive doesn't place limitations on your future freedom and possible opportunities, it simply does.

Yes Paris, I really was naive! Didn't have him down as a cheeky fucker so didn't comprehend that he'd be asking me to drive an extra 120 miles just so he could get home. And my geography is lacking so I didn't realise until it was too late. Definitely won't be making arrangements to go to events with him again, since that happened I just organise myself and tell him I'll see him there if he's going, then it's down to him to arrange his own transport.

My 39 year old ex husband doesn't drive and I've spent years dropping our dc to him and picking them up. One of our dc is disabled and I also drive him to LAC reviews, meetings and other stuff to do with her. He's never offered a penny for petrol.

So no, YANBU. People who don't drive often end up relying on those that do.

I suspect threads like this (I've read many, and they always go the exact same way) often end up with a bunfight because the drivers are releasing their frustration at cheeky fucker non drivers that they can't or won't admit to the CFs in their lives, and the non drivers are reacting (understandably) defensively because either they aren't a cheeky fucker, or if they are they won't admit it or don't realise it.

Ooh look, more drivers acting like their convenience is more important than the environment and the health of others. You can opt out of giving lifts to other people if you want. I can't opt out of the impact of cars on my health or the planet.

OutofSyncGirl Yep, he does 'need to drive', he's just managing not to bother as he has someone chauffeuring him around for free. My ex was like this until I told him he needed to get his licence and pull his weight.

Not a cat in hell's chance I'd ever date or live with a non driver again!

So what do you suggest, for those of us who have no choice but to drive?

You forgot the drivers not acknowledging their cheeky fuckery in arsing up the air quality for the non drivers walking.

CuntinuousMingeprovement it's okay, we're arsing it up for ourselves too! We don't spend every minute of the day inside our vehicles!

CM - so I assume you never ask drivers to give you a lift?

Is that to me walking? Driving, when needed, and accepting the impact that your driving is having on others whilst not pretending that non-drivers asking you to do things you don't want is more important than the detrimental impact that driving has on the planet and the health of other people. Frame the societal factors that have given you no choice but to drive as the problem, rather than other people who have been able to arrange their lives to avoid it. Devote more time to being concerned about people whose asthma is worsened by poor air quality than about people whose ability to travel somewhere very rural is limited by being unable to drive.

If people didn't drive the world would stop. Doctors wouldn't get to work on time, nor would teachers, and every other profession. Most people cannot walk everywhere. It's impossible.

I hate driving but I have three children who need to be driven around so I've had to learn.

I honestly don't know how non-drivers fit everything in.

I don't live in the sticks, just a small town, but i worked out on the last thread that i'd need another 4 hours in my day to fit in what i do now, using public transport. It just wouldn't be possible!

Actually, i would have much less choice of jobs too, i wouldn't be able to work where i do now, that's for sure.