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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people 'don't drive'

974 replies

ZX81user · 06/05/2018 13:07

..medical conditions aside.It is such a useful life skill.
I think it is part of a parent's responsibility to get their teen througj their test.

OP posts:
bananafish81 · 07/05/2018 16:06

Maybe people who live in cities are different and have really chosen not to drive for convenience but there's nothing convenient in living in a small suburban town where buses only come every half hr or so and won't get you directly to a lot of places.

Most people on this thread who don't have a car have chosen to live in places where they have great public transport links, to enable them to easily manage without needing to drive

Makes no sense to me to live in the arse end of nowhere if you can't drive - but if they've made that choice, that's their problem, not yours.

My idea of hell would be living in the sticks where you could only get around by car. Sounds like your colleagues are a bit dim and CF. Somewhat of a generalisation to tar all non drivers with the same brush, no?

BitchQueen90 · 07/05/2018 16:07

I never ask anyone for a lift. I went to see my parents at their house today, it was a 40 minute walk. Beautiful In the sunshine. If it had been raining I'd have got the bus. I spend £20 a week on a weekly ticket and I get bloody good use out of it! I get it every day to and from work as well, never asked my colleagues for a lift.

If you don't drive and live somewhere with crap public transport that's on you. I live a 10 minute walk from the train station and bus stops that have access to 2 cities, the hospital, the airport and they run pretty much 24 hours a day.

corythatwas · 07/05/2018 16:08

I grew up in a small market town, Fiddly. The beauty of it was, you could easily walk from one end to the other. Took an hour at most. Having a population of some 20 000, it came equipped with shops. Which you could walk to.

Bluecoatbunny · 07/05/2018 16:09

Because I never passed my test. I'm a shit driver. and I would get fat. (Er)

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 16:09

God, don’t you just hate it when drivers try and force lifts on you when you would rather take the train, read a magazine and have a snack (and it’s quicker in the train)! 😂 my brother did this to me. I was going to the other side of London to a friend’s house. He insisted on driving me. I said I was fine, had some podcasts I wanted to listen to, it would probably be quicker. But he just kept pushing. His wife was busy and he likes driving so I guess it gave him an excuse but it took 45 minutes longer than me going on the tube.

I guess it was nice to spend time together...

daisypond · 07/05/2018 16:11

Never met a non driver yet who doesn't hint for a lift if they think you're going at the same time / same way. You say you don't want to drive but you sure like riding in cars!
No. I've not been in a car for years, even as a passenger. I hardly know anyone with a car.

Fiddlydoodlekins · 07/05/2018 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrEustaciaBenson · 07/05/2018 16:12

Personally, I find drivers can be very persistent about offering lifts.... sometimes it gets hard to get out of without being rude.

Yes, I've found that. One persistent lift-offerer I ended up accepting because she started giving a lift to an older lady who was going in that direction, so she wasn't going that way just for me.

Before that, I used to say I was happy to walk, but it began to feel ungracious, as if I was throwing it back in their face, and saying I'd rather walk twenty minutes than spend five minutes in their car with them.

corythatwas · 07/05/2018 16:12

Come to think of it, there was a half-hourly bus that went from near my house to the centre of town. My DM sometimes caught it if she was feeling tired. Waiting half an hour is really not a big deal.

My db has a car, but he lives on an island so can only get his car off the island on the ferry. Hourly at peak time, otherwise every two hours. People commute off the island to work or to go to school every day. Having to read a timetable is not that difficult. My db and the other islanders are absolutely fine.

BitchQueen90 · 07/05/2018 16:14

Fiddly I'd tell you to feck right off and mind your own business if you ever tried that with me.

DrEustaciaBenson · 07/05/2018 16:18

I just went on and on and on at them

You mean you bullied them?
You'd have ceased to be my friend long before you got me anywhere near learning to drive. And if you'd taken it upon yourself to book a lesson for me, you'd have been paying the cancellation fee yourself.

corythatwas · 07/05/2018 16:18

I just went on and on and on at them, encouraging them or showing them how they COULD afford it.

You sound just like my mother trying to explain that if I got rid of my (deeply cherished) tropical fish tank I would have the space for a piano (I don't play the piano) because my life is just so empoverished without live music. But at least she didn't ring the shop and order one.

Fiddlydoodlekins · 07/05/2018 16:19

If you seemed to be handling your transport needs independently, don't worry I wouldn't! These were people who I got to know, not random people. They're are also all very happy to have got it over and done with and learnt to drive and can't believe they never drive. They're not complaining. If you are constantly scabbing a lift if me- fraud to say- my conversation in the car - if that conversation happens to be about learning to drive and you don't like it - use your legs.

Fiddlydoodlekins · 07/05/2018 16:21

Cajoled/ bullied. Call it what you want. They're driving now. Ask them if I bullied them. They'll probably/ definitely say yes but I'm glad she did.

ParisUSM · 07/05/2018 16:36

God, you sound really overbearing. Thankful I don't have to explain my reasons to you for not driving in order to make you stop going on about it.

corythatwas · 07/05/2018 16:41

Well Fiddly, it seems you are surrounded by rather weak people, who don't know what is good for them, are prone to taking advantage, and need you to sort their lives out for them.

This is not necessarily the case for everyone.

In my case, I work with adults who run their own lives, take responsibility for their own decisions, and would not put up with any attempt on my part to rearrange their lives, particularly not one that involved large sums of money. Grown-up people who if they wanted to drive would go and book their own driving lessons.

I can't be the only one in this situation, can I?

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 16:47

Never met a non driver yet who doesn't hint for a lift if they think you're going at the same time / same way.

I have never ever ever hinted for a lift and wouldn't dream of so doing.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 17:00

FYI I a hundred 100% can’t afford to learn to drive at the mo. Luckily I don’t need it. There is no situation that it would be essential to my lifestyle atm.

When I can afford it, since having good CBT, I will be learning though as I would like to acquire the skill even if I can’t adford a car.

MrsKoala · 07/05/2018 19:42

Never met a non driver yet who doesn't hint for a lift if they think you're going at the same time / same way. You say you don't want to drive but you sure like riding in cars!

Out of genuine curiosity where are all these lifts required? I don't go anywhere that would require a lift and never have.

As for the gender thing, it's quite common for the men in my family to drive and the woman not to. That's because the men are all in trades and need transport for tools etc and the women work in local offices and get the tube. The women still do all the shopping and the men never go to the supermarket. The men never have to drive the women anywhere and only really drive for their specific job, hardly ever at weekends.

As a pp said the recycling and rubbish collection in London is incredible. I do miss it here in Kent but we have a really reasonable 'cheaper than a skip' guy who collects and that frees up a whole morning of a weekend having to drive to the tip.

gillybeanz · 07/05/2018 20:34

Never met a non driver yet who doesn't hint for a lift if they think you're going at the same time / same way. You say you don't want to drive but you sure like riding in cars!

You can always refuse, you know.
Aren't some drivers two faced, they agree to give you a lift, or even offer, and then slag you off on Mnet.

I'm lucky, I wouldn't ask anyone like this, would rather walk tbh.
I ask family and close friends in an emergency, sometimes they offer if we're going in the same direction.
They are lovely people though and don't mind helping out, what goes round comes round. I like doing favours for friends and family too.

I'd hate to have the attitude of the pp above, it must be very lonely without friends to look out for. Sad I pity you.

GorgonLondon · 07/05/2018 20:37

Never met a non driver yet who doesn't hint for a lift if they think you're going at the same time / same way. You say you don't want to drive but you sure like riding in cars!

You've obviously met a very narrow range of people.

I HATE sitting in cars as a passenger. I feel sick, trapped, I hate the smell of cars and the stale air and the feeling of being indebted, I hate sitting in traffic.

I love walking.

I spend quite a bit of time insisting that I really honestly don't need or want a lift.

FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends · 07/05/2018 20:39

You say you don't want to drive but you sure like riding in cars!

Um no, I hate being in a car.

If anything I've found the opposite is true, people insist on giving me a lift when I'm perfectly happy to walk or get the bus.

camelfinger · 07/05/2018 20:42

It’s really annoying when someone insists on giving you a lift and then it turns out they’ve parked miles away, and their car is a shit tip full of crumbs and dog hair. I’d much rather make my own way.

coffeeforone · 07/05/2018 20:53

I agree that it’s useful to be able to drive, and it’s a good life skill. E.g. to be able to go on a road trip style holiday, in places with poor public transport l. I’m glad I can, although I admit DH drives most places as he is a better driver than me.

But if someone doesn’t want to learn I wouldn’t judge, as long as they don’t expect to be chauffeured everywhere by friends/colleagues

paxillin · 07/05/2018 20:56

Perhaps find friends who actually like you and don't assign you "driver", @Fiddlydoodlekins.