To be upset with friends for not picking me up

[Foreverthinking]

I've lived on the outskirts of a big city for a few years not and not seen much if anything of my friends back home.

Two of them are driving down today to go to an event we're all interested in, it has been pre arranged for a few weeks that we'd go together and have a catch up. I was looking forward to seeing them.

Today arrives and I just haven't got the disposable money outside of my budget to justify the train fares into the city centre. I don't drive. It'll cost me around £20 all in. I'm on a tight budget as a single mum on maternity leave and every penny I have has to go on necessities. I just don't have that going spare without leaving me short for a bill that's due tomorrow.

I asked whether it would be ok if they picked me up on their way through, and i'd happily compensate them for the extra fuel next week. It wouldn't put them off course too much at all, an extra 20 minutes driving if that. I added that it was totally ok if they didn't want to and it wouldn't be a problem.

Instead of just saying no they made up an excuse that because of low emmisons charges they'd have to park up somewhere and ride the rest of the way(?) Meaning they can't pick me up, so now I'm not going

Aibu to be a bit upset?

Ive been generous to both of these people over the course of knowing them 10 plus years and never asked for any favours before. I know I shouldn't expect to depend on others and don't mean to sound like a whiney git but if the shoe was on the other foot i'd be happy to have obliged just for the sake of seeing what I thought was a good friend!

Parking on a Sunday in London is fine, you can park on single yellows for free (Sunday only). LEZ most definitely won’t apply and neither will congestion. However, I’d prefer to tube it in to London because of traffic. A bit silly leaving everything to last minute and making assumptions they’d be able to pick you up.

Ex-railway person. Old habits die hard!

It’s £18 and a bit from Reading to Paddington if that helps the detectives 🕵🏽‍♀️

It's possible they prepaid for parking as well, so couldn't change their plans at the last minute.

Return that is although it’s only like 20p difference single and return which is RIDICULOUS!

I jumped to conclusions and thought they were just making an excuse not to pick me up, I wasn't judging them harshly it's just I know they're not usually a couple who would go out their way for somebody else, that is why i thought that. Knowing them like I do, they would prefer to make an excuse rather than just say sorry we cannot.

That was my thinking before I heard from drivers here with experience coming in and out of London.

It was my mistake

I sympathise with you. But you can't expect people to provide a taxi service if it's not really convenient for them. And twenty minutes added on to a journey is quite a lot. And running a car will cost them a lot more than £20. I think you should have saved up for the train fare and not expected your friends to subsidise your travel.

And that's based on knowing them, I'm not saying they're bad people because they're not, before I'm accused of judging them harshly again.

Just seen your response to my post. I meant seeing as you’ve lent money to them, you should have just asked them. It’s a two way street.

Anyway, lesson learned. Next time ask for the most doable option.

Yes I'll make sure I save in advance so It doesn't happen again.

The thing is I'm not usually THIS short, I've had some unexpected outgoings and due to having a bill due I didn't have any disposable. Usually these unexpected outgoings aren't a factor as I budget well.

Lesson learned not to expect favours

Will people stop hounding the OP into revealing where she lives??

Sorry, I think YABU. Asking for a favour does not mean you're going to get one, so you should be prepared for any eventuality.

Whenever we're going into London, we just get the train because driving into London is a PITA, the parking is atrociously expensive, and it's actually faster to get the train sometimes. So I can understand why they didn't drive all the way.

Why didn’t you budget? You can afford the money next week so surely could have saved some over from a week/weeks beforehand.

Fresh I don’t think anyone is asking for an exact location, we’re just not buying the ‘£20 from the outskirts of London’ claim. I think people would just like that explained - distance from central London maybe!or distance from tube.

op.
It’s hard being a new mum and feeling isolated and lonely. I hope you manage to enjoy the weather and plan a strategy for making friends locally during your mat leave.

Thank you Saturday x

Quack like I said I had unexpected outgoings, it doesn't matter what they are but having to fork out there meant I wasn't left with anything disposable and all remaining money was required for bills.

All the planning in the world wouldn't have changed that as it was unforseen circumstances and unavoidable so all I could have done to favour my situation whatsoever is not have bothered asking for a lift.

Unfortunately you’ll just have to accept not going. It’s what life is like when you are skint. It sucks but it’s not your friends fault that they have planned ahead and you only asked last minute. I don’t drive so won’t comment too much on that but if they don’t want to drive an extra fourty minutes to pick you up, I can’t blame them. Besides, they aren’t driving the whole way so you would still have to pay anyway. If you can afford to pay back next week can you not let the bill bounce until next week?

I think it's more unreasonable of me to put a leisurely day out above bills than it is to ask for a lift but it's okay I've resided to not going now.

No harm done, we are still friends

If you've helped them out in the past and have lent them money then they should have picked you up. I'd not bother with them if that's the case.

If london park and ride only way to go as £15 per hour parking and higher not unheard of op three years ago

Worrying that you have a child and money is so tight. And why should they pick you up even as friends

OP did you at any point tell them you were short of money and ask for a loan of the £20 until Tuesday? They may have been happy to do that? Bank transfers are fairly quick to do.

Foreverthinking not really, we all need some enjoyment in our lives.

*I can’t be friends with people who choose not to drive.

Time and time again they have this entitled attitude that they should be picked up and taxied everywhere.

Maybe they just got fed up of that.*

This is ridiculous even given the irrational hatred of non-drivers on MN. Who refuses to even consider a friendship with someone based on the fact that they don’t have a driving licence? Do you ditch friends who have children just in case they might ask you to babysit one day?

In real life non-drivers get about fine with public transport. If a friend who drives is going to the same place, they probably offer their non-driving friend a lift. Occasionally a non-driver might ask for a lift somewhere as a favour; just as drivers may ask for different favours.

Not on MN. Here a non-driver is ‘entitled’ and ‘demands to be ferried about’. It’s always ‘ferried about’.

I never ask for lifts! I persuade my friends to leave their cars at home.

I don't think I've every NEARLY been friends with somebody idiotic enough to reject my friendship on the basis that I don't own a car!