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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it so very sad that if a man shows geunuine affection towards a child he must be a peadophile?

150 replies

mamazon · 15/05/2007 22:54

yes there is a current thread that has promted this but this is not aimed at the Op, this is something that has bothered me for quite some time.

i keep hearing of people being "concerned" about teh man who works at the nursary, or the guy who plays with all his kids friends when they are at the park, or the guy who runs teh football team...etc etc.

why is it we cannto accept that these are just grown men who want to enrich teh lives of children. that they find it enjoyable to show affection and respect to people yet to reach adulthood.

we are forever complaining about our men who refuse to play with little johny, or wont spare any time for the children.. and yet when we find a man who activly encourages childrent o interact with him we dive to the conclusion that there is somethign more sinister going on.

Obviously i would always tell a parent to trust their instincts but i feel that our previously good parental judgment has been tarred by the media's constant scare mongering about sex offenders.

so, am i right in thinking we should maybe give these guys the respect they deserve for wanting to entertain our children or AIBU?

OP posts:
oops · 15/05/2007 22:56

Message withdrawn

rabbleraiser · 15/05/2007 22:56

I agree with you mamazon. It is a crying shame that men are unable to express the joy of children without being labelled.

DimpledThighs · 15/05/2007 22:57

agree mamazon

sign of our suspicous times.

oops · 15/05/2007 22:58

Message withdrawn

unknownrebelbang · 15/05/2007 23:00

I think you have a valid point Mamazon.

Instinct is really important, but it has become blurred by scaremongering.

SparklyGothKat · 15/05/2007 23:00

I agree, dh took dd2 to the shops once in her buggy, when he got there he carried her into the post office. While standing in the queue he was blowing rasberries on her cheek, and kissing her. This old lady turned round and said loudly that it was disgusting that a man is that close to the child, and there must be something wrong after that, DH refused to show affection to the kids in public for ages

Original poster
mamazon · 15/05/2007 23:00

i dont remember saying that all people feel this way OOPs, i did say though that i have heard it increasingly over the last few months- year.

OP posts:
misdee · 15/05/2007 23:01

we have a new carer. he is a young father and adore kids. he says i can leave the kdis with him whilst dh is asleep, and whilst i trust him 100% i have to say i cant whilst he is working as he isnt covered by insurence. which makes me feel bad as i worry in case he thinks its because he is a male

today, dh was awake so i did leave dd1 here as she has a nasty chest infection and didnt want to take her out. i came back and they were playing a board game. i think that guys like the carer will play an important role in my kids lives as even though daddy cant do al lthe dad stuff there is another man here who is willing to play with them. he has already made a big impression on them, and i am glad.

oops · 15/05/2007 23:01

Message withdrawn

KerryMum · 15/05/2007 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamazon · 15/05/2007 23:04

OOPs - i think you should re read the post. i haven't said that all women mistrust men but that it is sad that it has become more and more common...as has been proved by SGK's post.

OP posts:
DimpledThighs · 15/05/2007 23:04

it upsets me that my dad feels awkward if he is out on his own with one of my children as he gets odd looks.

SparklyGothKat · 15/05/2007 23:05

was chatting to Lisad123 once and she used to be a nursery nurse at a local playground, she said that while she was there, there was a young male nursery nurse, who was fab with the kids, but left after parents complained that they were not happy to leave their child with him

cylonbabe · 15/05/2007 23:05

i got really stressed about the rl conversation i had with some frineds today.
they seem to think that the greatest risk their kids face nowadays is from peadophiles.
'why would a man want to be a peadiatric nurse?'
why would a mand want to be a midwife?'
why would a man want to be a nursery worker?'
all quotes from todays conversation. i pointed out they were being incredibly sexist. why can a man be a paediatric doctor, but not a nurse? etc.
then it was 'why is that man looking at our children?' he was standing staring off into space in the general direction of the tennis courts where the kids were playing. its a public place i felt like shouting. he has a right to look out and contemplate his mortgage(etc) anywhere he wants to. you would nt be in a huff if it was a woman.

but i had to shut up as no one was interested in mu pov.

misdee · 15/05/2007 23:06

kerrymum, he'd creep me out if he was dressed as a clown [runs away screaming]

Original poster
mamazon · 15/05/2007 23:06

ct;y what i mean SGK. why is it OK and indeed expected that women can enjoy working with children and find such roles fulfilling but if a man chooses the same role it is somehow seedy.

i find that deeply upsetting.

OP posts:
SparklyGothKat · 15/05/2007 23:08

2 of my kids go to a Special needs playscheme where about 1/2 of the staff are male, they are all great and DS loves going and playing with the 'big boys'

JARM · 15/05/2007 23:09

This is the exact reason my DH has curbed his ambition of being a childminder. No-one trusts men to look after kids. Makes me sick.

unknownrebelbang · 15/05/2007 23:09

No, Oops, I'm not, but I do know of people who are.

Just one example is the mum who wouldn't even consider letting her child go to cubs. (the group was run by a woman, but she didn't know that cos her dh was just adamant that no child of his was going to be abused by a scout leader, ffs).

KerryMum · 15/05/2007 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OtterInnit · 15/05/2007 23:11

jarm i know that its hard for the innocent ones but as a victim of abuse i would never leave my babies with a man
sad but true

aDad · 15/05/2007 23:11

couldnt agree more with OP

what a shame isn't it.

Kerrymum - of course I can understand why you feel how you do. Totally understandable.

oops · 15/05/2007 23:11

Message withdrawn

1dilemma · 15/05/2007 23:11

Agree sgk I think it's sad for our children that they have so few male carers lovelt for the little boys to see men do that kind of thing, lovley for boys to have male teachers and lovely for older boys to have a good role model. My nursery said the other day they have no applications from men when they advertise and the one guy they had was made a manager elsewhere within 9 months! Off topic a bit but it seems to me that male nurses move v. quickly to the admin type non direct care roles would love to know if the female nurses agree and why they think it is

morocco · 15/05/2007 23:12

it is so definitely an attitude in the uk and you only have to go abroad to see that men are much more involved with kids who they don't know in most other countries. I really miss that kind of interaction. one thing that asylum seekers i know get told when they arrive here is not to go up to kids and kiss/touch them in any (obv) non sexual way or tell them off for misbehaving cos it's the quickest way to get either locked up or beaten up.

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