to find it so very sad that if a man shows geunuine affection towards a child he must be a peadophile?

[mamazon]

yes there is a current thread that has promted this but this is not aimed at the Op, this is something that has bothered me for quite some time.

i keep hearing of people being "concerned" about teh man who works at the nursary, or the guy who plays with all his kids friends when they are at the park, or the guy who runs teh football team...etc etc.

why is it we cannto accept that these are just grown men who want to enrich teh lives of children. that they find it enjoyable to show affection and respect to people yet to reach adulthood.

we are forever complaining about our men who refuse to play with little johny, or wont spare any time for the children.. and yet when we find a man who activly encourages childrent o interact with him we dive to the conclusion that there is somethign more sinister going on.

Obviously i would always tell a parent to trust their instincts but i feel that our previously good parental judgment has been tarred by the media's constant scare mongering about sex offenders.

so, am i right in thinking we should maybe give these guys the respect they deserve for wanting to entertain our children or AIBU?

I understand that you were abused, and I'm sorry for that, but men can't go into a line of work that involves children for fear of being called a pervert. Its a shame, it really is.

mamazon - i have a lot of male friends and four boys
i dont feel my judgment is clouded
the opposite
sadly i feel i see things more clearly

imho he is being OTT but this is exactly my point, the media's constant barrage of "peado" headlines and frequant accusations are making men feel unable to participate an active role in a childs life for fear of being accused of abuse.

my dh won't allow the kids in the bathroom, and won't bath the kids, in case someone thinks he is doing something that he shouldn't He will dry the girls hair and will help them with shoes etc, but will not do baths, which I think is a shame too. All because of some old lady's comment

i dont want to dismiss otter and Km because obviously what they have gone through is terrible. but not all men are paedophiles.

there are men, who are just big kids, who arent held back by wanting to play with kids on their own levels. Clown man would freak me as i dont like clowns, but i wouldnt think he was paedo just because he was a childrens entertainer. the best student midwife i had was male, one of the best nurses in a+e who dealt with dd1 asthma attacke when she ws a toddler was male.

This is a really interesting thread.FWIW my MUM is a helper at Rainbows and said that she felt uncomfortable because one of the little girls fell over and hurt themselves so mum went and picked her up wiped away the tears and gave the little girl a cuddle.Then the girls mum came in and looked at mum daggers and flew over and scooped her up.Mum said she felt really uncomfortable.I think it is really sad.

I have had ( not in biblical sense!)two male health visitors both of whom are brilliant.I think it is sad that perceptions of male carers are so negative.As a health worker myself I feel it is incredibly valuable to have a gender mix in the caring professions.

No disrespect to anyone who has had a bad experience.

I am so glad I'm not a man. They truly cannot win, ever.

oh our male health visitor was wonderful, even if he did insist on calling me by my first and middle names

so true TM.

Mamazon, trunks? That cracked me up. Sad though. As I said my children, it does not bother me but other peoples children, I would not put myself in such a position where things can be miscontrued.
Kerrymum I can see where you are coming from . Sorry to hear of your past.

of course all men are not paedophiles
but a helluva lot more than women

risk assessment sadly

pmsl BGD, ok ok it may have been shorts...if it saves his masculinity and style credits we can assume it was shorts

kerrymum! thats an awful thing to say.

(kerry - do you feel patronized by comments on here?)

who has patronised you? i think everyone has acknowledged both your own and KM's history will obviously affect your own opinions but that we are talking about the wider community, where even when there has been no abuse or even suspected abuse men are made to feel dirty for wanting to show children affection.

Nope I don't agree sorry. I gather you've had some dreadful experiences so I can understand why you feel as you do. But in general I think society is plain paranoid.

because you apllied that comment to twinkles one about men not being able to win.

Don't think OP is being unreasonable at all. And while I appreciate that people who have been victims of abuse and assault in the past are very, very sensitive to any possiblity of anyone being an abuser, I would remind everyone that most abusers are domestic, ie in the home. While it is also true that some predators seek out jobs that involve working with children, the majority of those who want to work with children are just... people who want to enrich children's lives. What I find most distasteful about the tabloid-led paedo panic is that it almost entirely ignores the huge problems around domestic abuse (whether violent or sexual, whether of children or partners) while whipping up hysteria about some kind of "other".

this isn't about abuse, just about how a man can't do a job involving children without people think he is a pervert.

That was to KM btw. Someone said on this thread or another one, can't remember, that her DH won't bath her children in case anyone reads something terrible into it. That is so so sad. Society is going mad at an alarming pace.