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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it so very sad that if a man shows geunuine affection towards a child he must be a peadophile?

150 replies

mamazon · 15/05/2007 22:54

yes there is a current thread that has promted this but this is not aimed at the Op, this is something that has bothered me for quite some time.

i keep hearing of people being "concerned" about teh man who works at the nursary, or the guy who plays with all his kids friends when they are at the park, or the guy who runs teh football team...etc etc.

why is it we cannto accept that these are just grown men who want to enrich teh lives of children. that they find it enjoyable to show affection and respect to people yet to reach adulthood.

we are forever complaining about our men who refuse to play with little johny, or wont spare any time for the children.. and yet when we find a man who activly encourages childrent o interact with him we dive to the conclusion that there is somethign more sinister going on.

Obviously i would always tell a parent to trust their instincts but i feel that our previously good parental judgment has been tarred by the media's constant scare mongering about sex offenders.

so, am i right in thinking we should maybe give these guys the respect they deserve for wanting to entertain our children or AIBU?

OP posts:
BigGitDad · 16/05/2007 00:02

SparklyGothKat that sounds similar to that TV newscaster who was charged for having photos of her kids in the bath, but didn't she win? That is nanny state going too far.
I cannot see how they can prosecute you for that.

Original poster
mamazon · 16/05/2007 00:02

i daioly mail journo was also charged with maiing indencent photographs of a child, she had taken pictures of her daughter running bare bum in the garden.

otter - there are many men that commit suicide through fear of harming a child. they know they have feelings for children but would never act upon it, it causes them such distress they get mentally ill and commit suicide.

only a very small number of peadophiles will actually seek a child purely to hurt.
there are some that will befriend a child but they see it (in their mind) as the same as you or I going to a club and meeting a boyfriend. it is never their intention to hurt the child, to them it is love and affection.

As i say i certainly dont wish to go into the in's and outs of peadophilia, it most deffinatly isnt my expert subject.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 16/05/2007 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misdee · 16/05/2007 00:06

dd3 is going through a clothes aversion phase. but also wants dh to take her picture all the time, he tells her to put clothes on. he is perfectly fine with dd3 running around nude, but knows if he photographs it, then it could be seen in the wrong way.

i took phtos of her in the nude last week as she had stuck heart stickers all over her chest, was really sweet. i have cropped the photos so you can only see her head and chest. dh woudnt have taken the pics.

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 00:08

omg my house is littered in naked pics of my babies
i assume who i invite into my house not to mind!!

misdee · 16/05/2007 00:09

i know otter, but as dh phone goes everywhere with him, he worries that someone else may see the pics of dd3 and report him.

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 00:10

actually i just remembered posting a gorgeous pic of my ds playing out in rain naked on here (bum veiw) mumsnetters went mad and i had to take it off - had not crossed my mind

misdee · 16/05/2007 00:12

exactly otter. i remember that pic, he looked like a very happy young man.

Twinklemegan · 16/05/2007 00:12

Well the way things are going, babies will be grown in test tubes then removed from their parents to be raised by the state, at arm's length of course. This is all so so depressing.

I do take your point though Kerrymum that it depends on the age of the child. I guess it would coincide with what age I would still be comfortable with DS seeing me naked.

MrMariella · 16/05/2007 00:12

Agree with BGD I'm afraid. I love being around dd friends, but am overly wary of other's perceptions of possibilities.

When with dd alone, none of that happens and I couldn't give a toss who thinks what.

Kerrymum - it is way too simplistic to say "peadophiles can't be rehabilitated"..who on earth told you this???

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 00:13

its all a damn shame

SparklyGothKat · 16/05/2007 00:16

i remember that pic otter, it was lovely..

KerryMum · 16/05/2007 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrMariella · 16/05/2007 01:18

no, it doesn't mean that. Two things different from each other.

KerryMum · 16/05/2007 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrMariella · 16/05/2007 01:24

too late/early for me for this. just your 'blanket assertion' is wrong re "can't be rehabilitated". Don't know who said that to you.

night.

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 08:44

I think that is the acid test KerryMum

MrMariella · 16/05/2007 09:08

Acid test of what? Whether you want to know the possible sordid details of everyone around you? Yep, a test of that of sorts. Not whether there can be a correction of abusive behaviour by some men. Totally different things.

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 09:10

no but if you would leave your baby in the arms of a rehabilitated offender
if you truly believe in rehab of paedophiles then you would
rehab of offenders and rehab of sex offenders - poles apart imo

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 16/05/2007 09:53

ok havnt read the whole thread but wanted to give my experience and opinion.

i recently made a very stupid very misinformed comment on here about Justin off of cbeebies, i have since thought a lot about it and realised a lot of it is scarmongering through media etc that teaches us (in a way) to worry about any man who takes an interest in children.

however, i myself was abused as a child and there are certain people i personally would not trust......my BIL being one of them, his behaviour is strange at the best of times especially around my children, so i would never leave them completely alone. But i would have no problems with letting my husband, my FIL, my dad, my best friend (who is male) look after my children. i would have no problems with them changing nappies/taking dd to the toilet etc etc. dd regularily sees daddy naked and as shes such a grandads girl she insists on going upstairs with him when at my mums while he goes to the toilet. These things i have no problems with as i trust these men.

if when my dd goes to pre-school and she falls over and hurts herself whoever is there be it male/female, i would want them to pick her up wipe er tears and give her a cuddle, thats what a crying child needs (sometimes!) as iwould appriciate that from somebody at a park if i were not around, i would find neither odd or out of place, unless their behaviour was showing me something other than concern!

its all about perspective, you cant go through life distrusting everyone but you must use your gut feelings to protect your children!

WelshMum23 · 16/05/2007 14:28

very well put SleeplessInTheStaceym11House

i would not have problem with a male nurse or carer unless their behaviour seemed suspicious i would also be grateful if a male helped one of our children if they fell over and we wasnt in sight as you said children need the help and comfort

my dp often takes our dd's (ages 22months n 7months) in the bath with him and often has to go into the bathroom while our son (whose nearly 7) is showering or bathing to wash his hair i have absolutely no problems or concern about this even though my dp is not my sons biological father

mosschops30 · 16/05/2007 14:32

Rehab of sex offenders does not exist!!

dd has a male sports teacher who comes in from outside the school, I have no problem with him at all, in the way i would have no problem with a woman coming in to teach sport.

Whar does piss me off is people touching my children, which dh thinks is crazy but we went for a meal a couple of weeks ago and ds ran past a man who ruffled his hair ....now dont get me wrong I would be just as pissed off if it was a woman, I just dont see the need. I would never touch a strangers child in the same way I wouldnt touch a stranger!

Sorry going off topic now

donnie · 16/05/2007 14:36

agree with the OP, haven't read the whole thread. My dd's teacher in Reception is male and he is excellent - all the children adore him, as do all the parents. However, at least two people , upon hearing that dd's teacher was a young man, actually did say to me - " really ? that's a bit weird/ that's a bit perverted" - and these two people would be mothers. They were incapable of grasping the fact that wanting to teach young children was not clear proof of his paedophilia.

FFS.

Judy1234 · 16/05/2007 14:46

It's just sexism. May be some women can't accept men are good with children because it hurts their fragile little egos.

Judy1234 · 16/05/2007 14:50

I remember reading lots of stuff via my ex husband - music teacher - from their association. You're alone with a small or large child and you're a man. You get teenage girls with a crush on you pushed up against your thigh on the piano tool etc etc It's easy for allegations to be made and part of hte job of course is grabbing their hand and showing them the position it goes in. And lots of reported cases of men who pick that job because of the contact with children - one in the papers very recently. But that still doesn't stop me wanting my children's teachers to touch them. Last year the teacher of one of them a really lovely cuddly lady always used to put her arm around the shoulders of each boy in her class as she helped him pick out his mother coming to collect him - she was just a very physical person and it was a very nice touch, sweet to see. If she was male I wouldn't mind either.

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