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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tracking DP on phone

451 replies

damekindness · 04/05/2018 23:10

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them Hmm

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

OP posts:
Munchkinbug · 06/05/2018 18:15

It's quite interesting to hear people say they find it creepy, or invasive. I've never thought about it this way, so it's good to see it from another perspective. I've not asked my DH to turn his on, but I have considered it. I don't think he'd find it intrusive (but I obviously can't speak for him), as we've already shared all passwords for things like emails, facebook, etc. I can't remember his passwords, and I'm sure he can't remember mine. We've shared them, though, more for in case of emergencies.

Also, as some have already mentioned, it's also the MH aspect... I suffer from anxiety, and I catastrophize things quite a lot. I've lost a lot of people through the course of my life (they died, I didn't misplace them Smile), so that's where my head tends to go when my husband is delayed. It's all about expectations - if my DH says he's going to be away for the day, I don't give it a second thought. If he says he'll be back by 6pm, and it's approaching 7pm and he's still not home - in my head the next car to come around the corner is a police car, and they've come to tell me he's dead or dying. A quick look to check he's still making progress would be the end of those thoughts immediately. I certainly wouldn't use it to check his whereabouts just for the "fun" of it - I'm way too busy for that!

We both ride motorbikes, and I know that he would find similar comfort.

I think there's no "one shoe fits all" with this. Like most other things in relationships, it entirely depends on the rationale and motivation behind actions and requests. Each needs to be judged on its own merits.

Munchkinbug · 06/05/2018 18:18

one shoes fits all????

That's a bizarre shoe. Let's pretend I said "size" like a sane person.

thisparachuteisanapsack · 06/05/2018 18:21

We just text...

MoodyTwo · 06/05/2018 18:32

I have my DP, my sister , my mum and my dad ... I used it for my DP when I was on maternity and so I could try and get dinner ready for when he walked through the door (not count down the seconds so I could throw him my LO the moment he came in)
My sister I always check she's not driving or at work as her car doesn't have Bluetooth so I wouldn't want her to get distracted while driving before I ring her.
My mum and dad I check they are at home before I ring them , if they are out they take ageas to answer and I normally hang up before they have fished the phone out of where ever and it annoys them

WingsOnMyBoots · 06/05/2018 18:38

I really can't see the problem with it. I know my husband would say the same and I would have no problem with being tracked either. We both know each other's log ins and passwords and PINs etc. But no we don't track each other as don't feel the need to.

Lookatmeimsandradeeee · 06/05/2018 18:43

thisparachuteisanapsack And if you forget to text? As I personally do 99% of the time? As does DH, DF, DM..... it’s just easier this way.

justlliloleme · 06/05/2018 18:53

I wouldn’t have this on nor would I track my husband or my kids on it. I think it’s a vast invasion of privacy, what they do when they’re not with me is their business. We’ve managed for 20 years without it & coped just fine.

I also think it’s weird when people check I. To places on Facebook. If the government asked us all to check in every time we went somewhere, we’d all be in uproar that big brother is watching. Yet millions of people do it all the time for absolutely no reason. It amazes me why you would do this (obviously to look like you’ve got a much better life than everyone else) but its all a bit 1984 for my liking.

user1491414509 · 06/05/2018 18:54

You don’t always need a tracker to see where someone is. I was working in Brisbane Australia and at 3am there was a knock on my hotel door. My, as was, soon to be ex husband had flown all the way from the Uk to make sure I was sleeping alone! Ffs....I was....he was the cheater not me. Lol.

Kc1009 · 06/05/2018 18:57

I hate to tell you my partner and I do this. Shock shock horror. When you are driving a lot as an engineer and it being illegal to text whist driving (I may add) it's handy to see where he is so I dnt have to pester him. Oh and by the way I'm happily married with full trust in our partnership been with each other for 14 years. So thank u. But there are other reasons to use this facility rather then just to spy on my husband.

Kc1009 · 06/05/2018 19:04

I suppose if you want to think of it as I track my husband because I don't trust him. Perhaps I could turn it round and say why would it hurt for your husband/wife to see where you are have u got something to hide??? Just a thought from a different perspective!

JamForBrains · 06/05/2018 19:19

I can track my DH. As someone ^ said he can't always answer his phone. If he's on the bike or in a meeting that he can't nip out of. The kids are also on the tracker mainly so I know they have arrived safely as they "forget" to let me know. They can also track me too. It's peace of mind when they don't answer x

OreoMini · 06/05/2018 19:29

I understand tracking kids as it gives you peace of mind but I would t accept my partner tracking me or I wouldn’t want to track my partner.

If he’s going to get up to the dirty he will do it if I’m tracking him or not! And I don’t need to make his tea for the exact minute he’s home as he can warm it up in the microwave if needed!

RickyGold · 06/05/2018 19:30

I don't like it, why do you need to always know where someone is, or someone know where you are? As I always say "they will still be dead in the morning" !! I understand we don't all think this way, but I hate being tracked, I even changed my kindle settings, so now my partner (who couldn't give a toss) does not pay for my books.

Goldmandra · 06/05/2018 19:31

It's quite interesting to hear people say they find it creepy, or invasive.

Me too.

We've had Find Friends as a family for about 9 months now. I've used it twice to check how far DH is from home. He works between offices in three different counties and I can never remember which one he said he was going to on any given day if he's even told me. I also prefer him not to have to answer the phone when driving, even with his hands free system. I accept that he will take work calls while driving but I just don't want to add to it.

I've also used it about four times to see where adult DD1 is. She rides other people's horses for them. If she's hacking out alone, she will tell me roughly where she's going and when she's likely to be back. She isn't going to answer her phone while riding so, if she's late, it's helpful to check where she is and that her dot is moving. That's enough for me to know she hasn't been chucked off and injured.

DD1 has also used it to tell DD2 how to find her way home after she stormed off in a strop with the dog and got lost in some unfamiliar fields a fair distance away. She'd have got home eventually but the dog is unwell and she'd gone in the wrong footwear and was getting upset about being lost.

In that time DH hasn't ever checked up on me. I just mentioned how MNers would think we are freaks for having it and that reminded DH to ask DD1 to show him where it is on his phone.

I don't know why people think having it means you will track where your DH is every minute of the day. I'd have to keep looking all the time to do that and, quite frankly, I'm not interested enough. I have access to his post every day but I don't open it, even though he wouldn't bat an eyelid if I did. He freely tells me the code to unlock his phone but I never remember it and have never tried to use it to check up on him.

I completely see how this app could be used by a coercive controller but I just don't get how it's creepy in a healthy relationship.

CadyHeron · 06/05/2018 19:38

Perhaps I could turn it round and say why would it hurt for your husband/wife to see where you are have u got something to hide???

Nothing to hide at all,I'd be the most boring person ever to "track!" Smile
You'd find me either on the school run,at home or mooching round the shops.
It just doesn't sit comfortably that you're potentially accountable for every minute of where you are,what you might be doing, etc....
it's a tracking spying device however you try to justify it.

unhappywskid · 06/05/2018 19:40

I said I would track my parents but not my partner because I don't feel the need to track him, it's a personal choice, why do I have to justify my opinion? I didn't say ppl should not track their partners, I just said I wouldn't. I thought I'd made myself clear.

Shrodingerslion · 06/05/2018 19:41

I have it for my dd but not for oh.

I generally know where he is anyway. Work or home, possibly out with a friend.

It’s right that if they wanted to cheat they would find a way. You need trust. I do understand for motorway driving.

On saying that it would not bother me being tracked.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 06/05/2018 19:42

Wow!
"Domestic dinner slave issue"...
Gasp!!!Some women actually care about their husbands and enjoy having dinner ready for them when they come home 😱😵

3out · 06/05/2018 19:43

I don’t find it one bit creepy. It’s handy.

You can even set ‘find my friends’ to notify you when a person has left or arrived at a certain location. ‘DH has arrived at Tesco’ - brilliant, get two loaves of milk and a bottle of red 😆

unhappywskid · 06/05/2018 19:43

Huge difference, my partner is not my parent, he's not elderly and he can totally handle himself. And that's how I feel about it, no offense to those who do it.

LadyFlumpalot · 06/05/2018 19:48

DH has his switched on and I use it occasionally as the last time I sat patiently waiting for him to come home or call me he couldn't as he was in an air ambulance after being cut out of his car.

I get twitchy if he's late home from work (and he works odd hours, might finish at 3pm one day and 8pm the next) he can't use his phone at work, for security reasons it has to stay in a locker, so I quickly pop onto "find my iPhone" if I'm worried.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 06/05/2018 19:51

I might do this with my husband's phone. He spends quite a lot of time on his boat and there are circumstances where tracking him could be urgent. I couldn't give a stuff about his bloody dinner- I would care very much about finding him if I had to call out the coastguard.

ton181 · 06/05/2018 20:00

If people had this enabled maybe we could find more missing persons, like the missing Airman (CM) or at least have a search start point.

mrjoepike · 06/05/2018 20:02

my umbilical cord fell off 59 years ago

HollyWollyDooDah · 06/05/2018 20:23

Both my dp and I have this turned on and can see where each other is.
It is useful due to our jobs to be able to access this
I’m a lone worker therefore if I do t come home or answer the phone he can see where I am which could save my life!
He rides motorbikes and I use it to make sure he’s still on the move as he can’t take calls or texts whilst riding

I agree with the whole invasion of privacy thing but sometimes it’s just practical

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