Tracking DP on phone

[damekindness]

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

But I don't want my husband 'keeping an eye on me'. Who wants that for goodness sake!

I am surprised that teens allow their parents to track them, surely it curbs what they can and can't do whilst growing up? I can understand it with young teens, but with 17 or 18 yr olds, I know my lot would've point blank refused, and quite rightly.

If you think using a isn’t being insensitive then I don’t know what to say. You’ve worked my up and yes I’m already low but thanks for still pushing. I’m sorry if you have MH problems. Maybe saying to someone with anxiety that it’s a horrendous way to live and they should get coping mechanism isn’t the right way to go about it as you’re assuming they have done FA about it.

How would you feel if someone suggested similar about your MH? I struggle to understand how anyone who has been through the MH system doesn’t understand that there’s more to MH than just getting a bit of help. It horrendous, it’s not a choice which your previous post implies it is.

My husband and I do it. We initially started it because we both ran late at night. I Also check if he is late home from work. Not particularly because I think he is fitting in a quick affair but sometimes he stays on later at work & doesn't tell me.

I switched my location services off on my phone because I don't want anyone, dh or google, keeping a record of the places I've been. I'm not really sure why; it just feels like an invasion of privacy. I don't particularly want to know where dh is everytime he leaves the house either. If for some reason I do need to find out where he is I can ring or text him and vice versa.

I couldn't be bothered checking in 50 times before dinner to see if he's close or not, he either gets home at dinner time or heats his dinner up if he is late.

If you're fortunate enough to have a DH who routinely joins you for dinner and who you have several hours a day of being able to converse with, that's great.

Find my friend was a tool that DH and I discussed as available to us when we chose a lifestyle where we speak more by Skype than Text some weeks. We both spend time working away from home.
It's comforting to get home after a long drive and have DH text me, asking if I'm up for a chat - he knows I've got home and texts me whereas if it's late I wouldn't necessarily text him in case I disturb him.

Knowing if he's left his Conference venue and he's likely to be calling for a chat soon helps me plan whether to pop out to the shops or make a cup of tea in anticipation. When you're both so busy that there may only be an hour window when you can chat some days, that can make a big difference.

I'm not going to condemn the tools available to me just because it may be abused by someone else.

.....speak More by Skype AND Text

Al those who check if your DH has left work or whatever, are there ever times when you think... why has he gone there, what's he doing there, why did he go on that route etc etc

If I had anxiety I think it would make things a hundred times worse.

Facebook does have a tracking app - Nearby Friends. You have to enable it yourself to be able to see where anyone else is.

My husband sometimes checks my location.....nothing weird to it in our relationship. He might come home to an empty house, wonder where I am and then find out I'm in the gym or something. No different to ringing me up and asking where I am. There are no trust issues, honestly!

I'm sorry for the face, I took offence at being told I was being goady when I honestly wasn't being, at least not intentionally (and I kinda thought goading had to be intentional by its very nature!)

My saying that anxiety sounds a horrendous way to live was an attempt at being empathetic and trying to put myself in someone's shoes who deals with it, to me from the outside it does sound like an awful way to live. I deal with depression (hence the self hatred), but I'm fortunate enough to never have had anxiety so I try to imagine what it'd be like to be worrying excessively about such things to such an extent and yes, it does sound terrible. It wasn't supposed to be an insult or a judgment on your or anyone else's life. If someone read about how depression affects me and said it sounds horrendous I'd feel heard and understood, but clearly it didn't have that effect on you. It's not always easy to read tone online and it frustrated me you jumped to reading what I wrote in a way I didn't remotely intend, and claimed I couldn't possibly understand something I sadly do understand very much.

None of us have a clue what the person behind an account has been through or is going through and I try to remember that and ask questions when it's something I'm unfamiliar with instead of making assumptions.

I hope it is nice and sunny where you are! And that this discussion hasn't left you in too bad a place.

Oops that was to MiddleClassProblem 😂

Actually my husband uses it sometimes when I'm cycling to work and back. I worry myself about being in an rta on the hike and it's kind of reassuring to know that if something was to happen, he'd know where I was. He knows for instance I've made it to work without getting into an accident involving a bus.

Sorry I bit. Last night there was a thread of a similar vein which is still in my head and nothing to do with you. I have depression too (pre exists the anxiety and is a trigger for more manic anxiety episodes hence the self loathing). I can see what you meant but it sounded a bit like you were just saying sort yourself out rather than how you meant it. I think last night is still ringing in my ears (someone basically saying we’re just made of stronger stuff).

Anyway, as I said the app works for me on multiple levels, for my anxiety and just general use. Not essential but a good tool like any app.

I hope you too are enjoying the sunshine

I understand

I'd be upset too if I felt someone was saying just sort yourself out as if it was easy!

The internet eh :) 💛

Thanks for the thread! I started reading thinking I had to find out how to connect all of us come what may. Halfway through I decided "nah, just 15 year old DD needs to be trackable". Now I've decided that, as long as we can find our iPhones if they get lost or stolen, then we don't need to be able to track each other at all. Mind you, DH and I don't work in the conventional sense and see a lot of each other. I can see why someone would want to do it if you're both working and travelling a lot.

@GreatDuckCookery thank you for the information but we use Android instead of Apple. The only people I'd worry about enough to track are my mum and DH, and after the horrible advert years ago with the woman calling her DH and then listening to him have a car crash I wouldn't ever want to call someone when I knew they were driving. I couldn't relax for weeks after I'd seen it!

I can't see why it's any issue at all? I think it's useful if he can have a cuppa waiting for me as I walk through the door, or I know he's held up somewhere so I'm not worrying he may have crashed coming over the mountain. No deeper issues of trust or privacy....or anything. It's just a non-issue. It's a handy tool for us...that's all....

There are though valid reasons for a partner to track. I am disabled and part of my disability causes Amnesia, I do however like a bit of independence and when going to Tesco one day instead of returning to car where hubby waited patiently I went and hopped on a bus and went to my old house. Hubby realised I must be having an amnesia seizure and tracked me. It also comes in handy when I begin to have an attack and do know where I am but can't locate hubby I just look on the app and follow directions to him. When I did have an argument with hubby one day about lack of independence (I went on a downer and wanted to be a bit more independent but due to the amnesia couldn't) I told hubby he didn't have a right to track me, he rang local police station and our local police officer came out and explained that he does as its a safety issue and the only other option I had was 24 hour supervision. I do agree in some situations it's wrong, if they are tracking over trust issues or domestic abuse etc. But it can work in some cases and be beneficial. I know there's plenty times I could have been in a situation if I didn't have it.

The other plus side is you can locate your phone if you lose it. My brother lost his and despite been insured they wouldn't pay out because he said he had turned his location services off to protect his privacy supposing its in a lot of phone insurance contracts that you have the locate my phone option set if you have it.

I find that creepy. I'd hate to have my every move tracked, or doing it to my partner. Now, I'd totally track my elderly parents or children for their own safety if that was the case. But not my partner, as I find it excruciatingly disrespectful.

We have it enabled, because my husband came off his bike on a road, in the dark one night and was concussed and confused when he called me to tell me he’d had an accident. I had to drive to find him, (he was local) thankfully a car stopped and helped him and called 999 too. Since then, he has it enabled so when he’s on his bike I know where he is. I never check it, other than if he says “I’m on my way from the station” I know he will take about 10 minutes to get home, and if he isn’t home I can see where he is. That’s all we use it for. I think if it’s for practical purposes then there’s no harm. If it’s for control and manipulation or because you don’t trust that person, then that’s a whole other issue.

What's the difference between your partner and an elderly relative. My partner has to track me for my safety. If he didn't I'd probably be dead by now. I'd find it pretty disrespectful if he didn't and put my safety at risk. I know that when I have amnesia attacks I can be very disorientates and forget basic information. The only way he can keep me safe is by Tracking me. The only way I can feel safe is by knowing where he is in case I do need help or support.

It’s weird to turn it on for that sole purpose .Whats wrong with a text if you need to know when your partner will be home?

We all have this enabled in our family and we all use it to see when people are on their way home from work/sports/school to plan mealtimes or if they have safely arrived at a destination (e.g driving a three/four hour trip to family late at night, such as going away for a weekend after work) - I don’t see the issue? How insecure are the people saying they’d worry they were being tracked?? Surely if you were in a relationship with someone who was that controlling, there would be much more worrying signs than this.

My DH works away Monday to Friday and his hands free doesn’t always work when he’s travelling due to signal drop offs. It’s handy when you hear about accidents, pile ups etc to know he’s not in the area and is safe. DD has it too - if it works for your family, why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.