Tracking DP on phone

[damekindness]

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

I can't imagine a mumsnet where a woman posts that her DH tracks her whereabouts because of obsessional jealousy, and everyone is just fine with it.

Yep,same. Bet the answers would be a little bit different, not normalising it.

@WalkingOnAFlashLightBeam, on the school run every morning, I see at least two completely written off cars. RTAs are a major cause of death here. Why should I spend time needlessly worrying when I can glance at my phone and know he’s safe? It’s hardly anxiety, when living somewhere like this, it’s surely just common sense.

Glad you guys agree. I was expecting to be ripped to shreds.

I'm old enough to remember when being able to telephone someone when they were out was considered intrusive - let alone send them a text message

Yep, times change, I fully accept that. But there has to be an active decision on the recipient to answer a call or a text message. It's still person a reaching out and person b deciding whether to accept.

I know in a sense it's similar with tracking apps as both parties must consent to share, but it seems very different when it's a one time agreement which then means the ability to track 24/7, without you knowing when or how often they're checking, until you opt out again. It removes the ability to make a day by day or hour by hour decision as to whether you want your privacy invaded.

I guess those who accept it are fine with that, each to their own. It still concerns me for people who feel pressured into it (such as the spouse of someone with morbid jealousy who chooses to approach it by checking instead of taking ownership of their own problem, which I'm not saying the PP has done, I don't know what else she does other than tracking), once someone acquiesces it's done and then you're monitored 24/7 if the other person so wishes.

Two cars written off every single day on the school run? Surely that's an exaggeration if ever I saw one?

Two per morning? With severe injuries/fatalities? What percentage of the total number of journeys made is that? That seems incredibly high to me.

I can see your point in this case, I still wouldn't do it, but I understand more why someone would if there's a really high chance each day of someone being killed. But everyone has a different appetite for tolerating uncertainty. There are spouses whose partners work in dangerous jobs (police, pizza delivery driver etc) who are able to wave them off and not worry at all.

on the school run every morning, I see at least two completely written off cars

Really?

I am curious, Duck. I look forward to hearing the response to the questions in my reply! Especially what percentage of the total number of journeys that is. And I'd also like to know which country!

Tragically yes, it’s massively high. Thankfully by the time it’s school run time, all I usually see are the crumpled abandoned wrecks on the side of the road. Speed, mobile phone use and lack of education are a big problem. Maybe if my hubby had a ‘usual time’ when he was due home, I wouldn’t find the need to use it but I’m not prepared to spend up to 4 hours needlessly worrying. I’m sure when we’re lucky enough to head back to the UK, we’ll no longer use it.

@WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam living with anxiety is a “horrendous way to live”. You went from apologising to being insensitive again in seconds.

FYI, it calms anxiety for me of walking home alone at night from the bus stop knowing that my mum and/or DH are teaching my journey back.

It calms my anxiety knowing DH isn’t in a ditch somewhere too. Or my parents 4hr journey to us is comparable with the traffic and they are not the beginning of the traffic.

I have had CBT, meds and counciling. I will likely always live with anxiety flare ups. Sometimes they drive me to suicidal thoughts but I have the tools to manage. This app can help that as it eases worries.

You are being goody whether you intend to or not.

on the school run every morning, I see at least two completely written off cars

At least two completely written off cars every morning on the school run?
Do you live at the top of a mountain with twisty roads and canyons at either side or something?

Oh and I can get anxiety of simple things too like the food being cold for DH or over cooked because my timings were off (he doesn’t care before he gets accused of being abusive) but it can trigger me having a meltdown if already low. On a normal day I can brush it off.

You don’t understand living with 30 years of self hate can do to someone.

For us it’s just a coping strategy yes the problems still there but it helps us. One of many things we do to make a relationship where asd is involved easier

You are being goody whether you intend to or not

Fine, I'll continue making assumptions about something I've never experienced instead of asking people who actually live with it, lest I manage to be unintentionally goady. Thanks!

You don’t understand living with 30 years of self hate can do to someone

With respect, you have absolutely no idea what I do or don't understand about thirty years of living with self hatred.

Anxiety is not the only mental illness that manifests in self hatred. Nor can you magically tell which random poster on a forum has or hasn't dealt with mental illness.

Sorry for the derail, OPs

Weirdly I have pretty atrocious anxiety too but for me I wouldn't want to track DH's whereabouts for a few reasons, one of them being that I wouldn't want to become dependent on keep checking where he was, the other reason is that I find it invasive somehow.

Me and DH both use it. We both work odd hours and drive a lot. We don't have the sort of jobs where you can always answer your phone or send a text to say that you're being held up because of a crisis. We also have long drives to and from work so can't text while driving.

If i'm running late, DH see whether i'm still at work or have set off and am just in traffic and i can do the same.

Neither of us have ever cheated or accused/suspected the other of cheating. Both of us are quite crap at sending text messages.

Your continually lack of empathy suggests you don’t know much about mental health. I have other forms other than anxiety. You’re still being goady. And you now know what you are saying is affecting me, a person with MH issues as I have told you so yet you’re still going. And a passive aggressive doesn’t help.

We’ve both got find a friend enabled as a ‘just in case’. I work in the community and he has a 100 mile journey to work so if we can’t get in touch with each other then it’s a good back up.

Admittedly it’s been over a year and as yet neither of us have bothered 😂

I agree with you OP, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this level of intrusion. If it’s a trust issue I don’t think tracking is the answer.

You've read my posts. Called me insensitive despite me actually asking to understand further. Told me I don't understand what it's like to live with something you have no way of knowing whether I live with. And continued to call me goady despite me making it clear I am absolutely not being intentionally goady.

It is quite difficult, as a person with MH issues, to go out of my way to display empathy to somebody showing not a scrap in return.

I use it as I go for runs and walks around parks. It means my husband can keep an eye on me and I do feel safer.

I track my H but only since I found out he had an affair. I don’t trust him he has to rebuild that and allowing me to see he is where he says is part of that.
I have a friend who’s wife has always tracked him and it is weird. He is the most trust worth guy I know.

This thread has led me to double check all of my privacy settings! I read some old articles saying that if you don't disable it, Facebook messenger will show people you're talking to your location. Is that still the case does anyone know? I've tried to check but I don't know if the people I've checked with just have theirs turned off.

I turned off location services for Facebook and noticed it wouldn't allow me to check into anywhere, even though it lets you check into the North Pole if you want to when it's enabled!

I don't even know if my phone has the tracking thing. Not really interested tbh. I couldn't be bothered checking in 50 times before dinner to see if he's close or not, he either gets home at dinner time or heats his dinner up if he is late.

Myself, DH and eldest DD all have it enabled. It’s never been an issue for any of us. It’s helpful when we can’t text or whatever. Especially in the case of DH as he cycles so cannot call to say he is on his way or stuck in traffic.

It’s always been a non issue for us.