Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tracking DP on phone

451 replies

damekindness · 04/05/2018 23:10

I was talking to some work colleagues today and it came up in conversation that they got their OH to turn on their 'share location' on their mobiles so they could see where they were. Apparently it's useful to know so they can get the dinner on the table ready for them Hmm

Aside from the whole being a domestic dinner slave issue, I think asking your OH to share their location so they can be tracked is a massive invasion of privacy. However the counter argument was that if they didn't have anything to hide they shouldn't mind....

OP posts:
frasier · 05/05/2018 13:27

Why is it insecure? You may know that your partner is in restaurant in a city (is it that accurate?) but it doesn’t tell you who he is with!

You’d need a private eye for that. Now THAT is insecure lol!

sirfredfredgeorge · 05/05/2018 13:33

*Why is it insecure? You may know that your partner is in restaurant in a city (is it that accurate?) but it doesn’t tell you who he is with!

You’d need a private eye for that. Now THAT is insecure lol!*

Nah, I've got a thing on DP's phone that lets me remotely listen in to the conversations, I mean I only use it so we don't have to waste time updating each other on what's happened in the day or important stuff with DD, but if I was insecure I could find out who the meeting is with....

Butterymuffin · 05/05/2018 13:33

I'm really Shock at

the app can be set so that it pings when he moves location therefore I knew exactly when his meeting had finished and I could call him

Really? And you couldn't have texted and said 'ring me as soon as you're out of your meeting, it's important'? That would have and has worked fine with my DH. Physically tracking when someone moves seems really, really intrusive.

Similarly the poster who wants to see their DD is safely in her uni bed - I would have hated my mum to know which bed I was sleeping in at university! By then they need privacy.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 13:37

I would hate to be tracked. Not that I get up to anything mind but it would feel intrusive knowing that DH could keep tabs on my whereabouts. No thank you.

GummyGoddess · 05/05/2018 13:40

@GreatDuckCookery I would never text or call to see if someone was on the way, I'd worry they would stupidly answer it and crash the car.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 13:44

DH's phone doesn't notify any texts messages when he's driving and he can answer calls on handsfree Confused

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 05/05/2018 13:58

It’s made our life loads easier. He sometimes gets held up in traffic and is always on his phone because of his work so I can spend a lot of time missing him. I also have an idea where he is as he works late at night and stays in a hotel. I know he’s safe without having to interrupt him. (He might be with his fancy woman!!)

Twirlywooos · 05/05/2018 14:11

We’ve used Findmyfriends for years. We live in a part of the world that can’t be considered ‘safe’, hubby works long hours and gets stuck in meetings where he can’t reply to texts to let me know he’s not dead on the side of the road. Together since school and 0 trust issues, just lots of love and concern for one another. It’s saved me so many hours of needless, frantic worrying.

My mum also follows me...because she’s nosey and worries when I travel (which is very often). Saves me sending constant updates.

Just because something wouldn’t work for you, there’s no need to cast judgement on others.

GummyGoddess · 05/05/2018 14:24

@GreatDuckCookery I don't know anyone whose car doesn't notify them via bluetooth about a message, I don't want them to read it on the screen while driving.

DragonMummy1418 · 05/05/2018 14:29

We use it as a safety tool...
If you don't want to share then you decline it.
However if something has happened to you and your injured, mugged, kidnapped or worse then it can be a good way to track down and save them.

But of course this must just be a lack of trust in a relationship... because mumsnet said so. 🙄

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 14:34

Well my phone doesn't notify me either when I get a text, both DH and mine phone is set to do not disturb when driving, so we don't get any notifications of texts.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 14:37

Apple has introduced a safe driving mode for the iPhone for the first time in iOS 11. The feature prevents owners from receiving messages and calls when driving and lets their contacts know they're occupied. Called Do Not Disturb While Driving, the safety addition will be added to all phones running iOS 11.

There you go Gummy.

FASH84 · 05/05/2018 14:41

The issue with normalisation of what are essentially stalking behaviours, is that if one partner doesn't want to do it they are made to feel unreasonable not only by the 'only people who have something to hide' argument, but also 'everyone else does it' , which makes it all the more difficult to leave the house, see a solicitor, go to a women's aid centre. Plus why do you want your movement data available to any of the big tech companies? Just so that can advertise to you even more? It's ok to put dinner on when someone gets home, or make tea for the kids and put DHs in the oven to keep warm. It's worked for centuries, and if there's a missing person police can track mobile location without an app.

FASH84 · 05/05/2018 14:42

You know you can turn the iPhone driving mode off right?

Youllnever · 05/05/2018 14:43

I do it. Always have done. I have some very serious issues (ASD and obsessional jealousy amongst other things)
Dh put it on to help me and if he’s going anywhere with work pre warns me so I don’t panic when I check and he’s somewhere different it’s actually really helped us

CindyLouWhoo · 05/05/2018 14:44

We use it for our whole family, grandparents included. If the kids go to the shops on their own I can see the little blue dot plodding along. If they are gone longer than I'd have thought I can have a quick look and see where they are.

DH rides a motorbike and can't take calls once he's driving so it's quite handy to see where he is. Or if he's in the car and on a con call I can see him at a time when he normally wouldn't be able to respond. The "play sound" feature is also really good if the other person has left their phone on silent and you urgently need to get ahold of them. I think it would be weird not to share your location with immediate family. It's not some massive invasion of privacy to us. It just makes the logistics easier.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 14:45

Yes sure. I like it tbh though. I always have my phone on charge when driving so with the do not disturb switched on there's no chance of me inadvertently looking down to see who has texted.

SandyY2K · 05/05/2018 14:46

As long as all parties involved consent it's not a problem. It's not something I'd personally do though.

DubiousFeminist · 05/05/2018 14:50

I love these threads- the projection is incredible.

Find my Friends is a tool that different people use in different ways.

I've been in a marriage where we didn't "need" to know where each other were at any given minute, but ended because (amongst other things) He didn't think that I put enough kisses on the end of my texts to him and I felt that my trust had been broken when I discovered family money had been spent on gambling and porn.

I've also been in a marriage where Find my Friends has proved invaluable when working away from home and planning when to eat/shower/sleep so my DH and I could Skype after respective meetings/journeys.

All tools have the potential to be abused - text messaging is a common tool of coercive control but that doesn't mean we should discourage text use in case people feel obliged to put up with it.

Glittertwins · 05/05/2018 14:50

We use the find my iPhone quite a bit and neither of us had ever raised this issue. If I'm running late, he can easily see where I am and then pick up one child or the other if I'm not going to make it or vice versus. It's safer than calling when driving.
I also get a cup of tea waiting for me as soon as I get in 😉

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 05/05/2018 14:52

We live in a part of the world that can’t be considered ‘safe’, hubby works long hours and gets stuck in meetings where he can’t reply to texts to let me know he’s not dead on the side of the road. Together since school and 0 trust issues, just lots of love and concern for one another. It’s saved me so many hours of needless, frantic worrying.

Really? You'd be frantically worrying if your DH didn't come home at his usual time or you couldn't get hold of him for a few hours to see if he was in a meeting still? Surely this just puts a plaster on your anxiety while feeding it more (imagine how much worse you'll feel now if you are no longer able to track him now the ability to do so has got rid of the need for you to work on the anxiety itself!).

Youllnever same question to you: the obsessional jealousy must still be there and is only being masked because you can track his whereabouts?

I can't imagine a mumsnet where a woman posts that her DH tracks her whereabouts because of obsessional jealousy, and everyone is just fine with it. Agree with PP, this thread has been enlightening but it is absolutely normalising some pretty frightening intrusive stalking behaviours, that new generations will grow up seeing as normal. It's actually quite disturbing.

At least youllnever has admitted it's down to jealousy though. I believe PP who say that's not the reason, but it does seem odd that so few respondents have admitted it's due to being insecure or jealous.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 05/05/2018 14:58

Apologies if my last message came across as insensitive to those with anxiety. I just can't imagine living life where your mind jumps to someone being dead in a ditch if they're not in touch at a certain time, it sounds like a horrendous way to live. I'm just trying to understand why tracking would actually help, as surely if you have anxiety that bad it comes out in other areas of your life too? Wouldn't it be better to try and improve and learn ways to manage the anxiety instead of essentially giving into it and relying on tracking someone instead? That's a genuine question not goading.

DubiousFeminist · 05/05/2018 14:59

it is absolutely normalising some pretty frightening intrusive stalking behaviours, that new generations will grow up seeing as normal. It's actually quite disturbing.

I'm old enough to remember when being able to telephone someone when they were out was considered intrusive - let alone send them a text message.

There were some great "letters to the editor" in local and national newspapers about how scary and disturbing it was that the letter writers were expected by their family members to own a mobile phone, have it switched on and actually answer it when it rang.

AmayaBuzzbee · 05/05/2018 15:00

I don’t understand why there is such a heated discussion about this. Husband and I use this app for all kinds of practical reasons (of which none are anybody else’s business btw, many valid reasons listed here already).

When the kids are old enough to have their smart phones, then their location will be shared too, for safety reasons.

If you personally don’t need this app, then don’t have it! No need to get so het up about it if/when somebody else finds it useful.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 15:01

I can't imagine a mumsnet where a woman posts that her DH tracks her whereabouts because of obsessional jealousy, and everyone is just fine with it.

I agree. There'd be absolute uproar.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.