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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude? Not replying

142 replies

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 18:55

I asked a friend if she’s free next weekend on WhatsApp (Tuesday) and she still haven’t even opened the text ... but has been online multiple times.

Yes I know she might be busy. But we’re all busy and it’s hardly a task that takes hours. 2 minutes at most.

OP posts:

Original poster

Powerglide · 05/05/2018 00:05

How old do you think I am? Children had phones when I was in primary school.

OP posts:

gonnabreakmyrustycage · 05/05/2018 00:07

Really confused, all the very busy people who never have the time to answer whatsapp messages seem to be messaging complete strangers on mumsnet on a Friday night?

starzig · 05/05/2018 00:08

Are you a bit needy in real life too? Maybe that's why she is ignoring it

TotHappy · 05/05/2018 00:32

Bloody hell!!!
Sometimes you dont answer, because you dont want to answer. If i haven't made plans to meet someone for a chat, i probably don't want a chat. So i won't be messaging them. Or even organising events unless I'm in the mood for doing some life admin. If I'm in the mood for an evening off I'll be titting around on mumsnet or Facebook. It's not the same.

And yeah, if someone really wants to talk, they'll call me. And if they call a few times, I'll probably answer.
I dont know how old you are op, but I'm only 30 - people do still phone.

TeddyIsaHe · 05/05/2018 00:34

I think it’s clear why your friend isn’t replying to you op...

DillyDillyDally · 05/05/2018 03:17

How old do you think I am? Children had phones when I was in primary school

Hang on didnt you say youve known her for 24 years? Kids in primary school did not have mobile phones 24 years ago ffs.

Mousefunky · 05/05/2018 07:04

You can turn read receipts off in the settings now so it’s possible she has read it and is blanking it. Either prompt her again or simply make other plans.

Rollawolla · 05/05/2018 07:08

If I'm honest when I have 6 or 7 people messaging me at the same time I kind of forget whose messaged me what and sometimes think I've responded as I've responded in my head if that makes sense.

Just send another if she ignores that one then definitely rude otherwise speaking from experience it's not done deliberately

Rollawolla · 05/05/2018 07:12

Actually just had a look at my what's app in the past 24hrs I have spoken with 8 people that's just on WhatsApp ignoring Facebook and other platforms

victoryvee · 05/05/2018 07:41

There's not much accounting for different friendship groups dynamic here.

I have some friends who if I messaged I'd expect a reply in hours if not minutes. Other friends who I know who take a few days if it's not urgent.

Also some of my friends do use whatsapp as the main ways of contacting each other. Some use fb messenger. Some texts. Some all 3 (very confusing when you're trying to find that address they sent 2 weeks ago).

I think if friends move out of their normal patterns of behaviour then it is something you'd notice. But I'd prob go with "you ok" type message above poster suggested.

And whoever mentioned about colour coding apps, bloody genius. Today I'll mainly be downloading apps I never use to make an iPhone rainbow.

Mumblemumbleonandon · 05/05/2018 07:49

Whatsapp read receipts irritated me, I felt spied on, especially as one friend in particular would follow up with "????" or "are you Ok?" If I didn't reply straightaway. So I turned read receipts off, she noticed immediately and asked why I was in stealth mode . I had to pretend the kids messed with my phone. These days, if I don't want to answer her straightaway I open messages in flight mode so it shows as unread. Maybe that's what she's done, then forgot to go back to it? Or maybe she's been busy with lots of messages and yours slipped down the page. Just message her again saying you need an answer as trying to sort a few things out. Her response will tell you what you need to know!

Original poster

Powerglide · 05/05/2018 08:46

Are you a bit needy in real life too? Maybe that's why she is ignoring it

Not seen her since July ... but that’s probably needy to some of you.

OP posts:

bluemoonchances · 05/05/2018 09:17

When you say she hasn't read the message are you referring to the fact that blue ticks haven't appeared? This function can be switched off in settings (under privacy). I have mine switched off for the very reason that it's ridiculous for people to know what time I looked at the message and be pissed off if I don't reply immediately.

From what I gather you have only sent her one message. It is very reasonable for her to have simply been in the middle of something when she received it and just forgot about it. I'm sure she'd be mortified if she realised she'd caused you so much distress.
Just send another message saying 'hi hope you're ok as didn't get reply last week, hope we can catch up soon x'

dietcokemango · 05/05/2018 09:30

How old do you think I am? Children had phones when I was in primary school.

Aye okay then.

chandlersfraud · 05/05/2018 09:34

I really don't like that WhatsApp tells the sender when you've received and then read the message. I think it's more rude if it's clear it's been read but there's no reply hence I see who it's from and the first line that pops up then don't tend to open them if I know I can't reply straightaway or have to think what to put.

chandlersfraud · 05/05/2018 09:37

Totally did not know you can turn this off in settings - might just do that!!

AlonsosLeftPinky · 05/05/2018 12:46

What's needy is having a tantrum over her not texting you back.

You can't be that close if she's not the sort of friend you'd phone, so I don't really get why you expect to be her top priority.

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