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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude? Not replying

142 replies

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 18:55

I asked a friend if she’s free next weekend on WhatsApp (Tuesday) and she still haven’t even opened the text ... but has been online multiple times.

Yes I know she might be busy. But we’re all busy and it’s hardly a task that takes hours. 2 minutes at most.

OP posts:

Tartyflette · 04/05/2018 20:36

Er -- My friends and family phone each other a LOT. You know, to catch up, exchange any news, and generally have an enjoyable conversation.
Texting is reserved for 'I've arrived at the restaurant - where are you?'
But then we don't put our whole lives on fFacebook

Tiredmum100 · 04/05/2018 20:46

Yanbu to expect a reply. Even if it's only a 'no sorry can't make it'. It's not strange or needy to want a reply. To be honest maybe it would be nice for her to ask how your surgery has gone, are you recovering okay. I have a friend who takes forever to reply. I usually text her about 2 weeks before I actually need to know something! It's frustrating to say they least. No you can't demand a response but it's not hard either.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 20:48

Yes, I am. Difference is I'm not trying to start a fight by telling someone to shove something up their fat ass. It's the trying to be a dick to other posters that makes me think you've got little else to do!

Original poster

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 20:48

But then we don't put our whole lives on fFacebook

Huh? I don’t even have Facebook, so don’t understand the point you’re making

OP posts:

Jen10M · 04/05/2018 20:52

Im one for not replying straight away... Work, kids, commuting all kinda gets in the way. I just wait for the right time to consider the response properly and make sure I don't come across as stressed and rushed

Bibidy · 04/05/2018 20:52

This frustrates me too.

We all know they've got their phone, they've been on their phone, they're just ignoring us! I don't know why people seem to think it's better to not open a message at all than open and just not reply - we know they've seen it, it's the same!

Lifeisabeach09 · 04/05/2018 20:55

I feel it's rude.
When she's ready (or feels like it), she can initiate contact. I wouldn't bother.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 20:59

She hasn't opened the message Bibidy, just the app.

lhastingsmua · 04/05/2018 20:59

She doesn’t want to go

Evangeline3 · 04/05/2018 21:01

Hate it when people do this!
Everyone is busy, we make time for things we wish to make time for & she's been online.
I would wait to see how long she takes to reply, double it & reply to her then.

flamingnoravera · 04/05/2018 21:03

My WhatsApp app square is on my green app page (I sort them by colour) this is four pages in from my blue apps which are on the first page and where I expect messages to come in. I can go weeks before noting there was a message there. I always use messenger so I rarely check my WhatsApp.

LonelyGir1 · 04/05/2018 21:04

You're not being needy. My first thought was that it's rude, but she may be busy and not intentionally ignoring you. If I were waiting for a confirmation of other plans, I'd let you know and say I'd respond properly later. Either way...you're not on her priority list. It must hurt, or you wouldn't be here. In future, I would treat her with the same level of respect as she's treated you (ie not bother unless you're bored).

That said, if she's in hospital or someone has died/is dying, you should forgive her!

Geepee71 · 04/05/2018 21:05

My whatsapp drops off for no reason and then will suddenly come back to life, weeks later. But if she's uses it regularly, it's probably not as unreliable. My friends don't use it to contact me much now, always revert to text.
But in answer to your question, yes it's rude not to reply.

Original poster

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 21:05

We’ve been friends for 24 years. So yeah does feel shit.

OP posts:

LonelyGir1 · 04/05/2018 21:11

^Often people you have been friends with the longest treat you the worst. I've been there...sending you electronic hugs

Bibidy · 04/05/2018 21:11

She hasn't opened the message Bibidy, just the app.

That's what I mean! It's clear she's aware the message is there and isn't replying.

It actually annoys me when people do this more than when they open the message and don't reply....it's like a pretence isn't it, like "if they can't see I've opened it then I don't have to reply".

If you don't want to reply then don't reply, but at least take the time to open the message that a friend has sent you.

PatchworkWomble · 04/05/2018 21:14

I often wait to open a message until I know I've got the time to reply properly and possibly have a little back and forth if the person who sent it is online/replies immediately. A lot of my friends and family live far away so I often have 10+ conversations on the go at any given time, if I read and replied to every message immediately I would be on my phone permanently. Could it be something like this?

You've known her a long time though so if you think she's being rude then maybe she is!

missbonita · 04/05/2018 21:14

Fucking hell, I only bother to open app messages once a day, usually about 10pm. I often forget WA for days on end. I'm not rude, just busy and not looking at my phone every 5 mins......

TwitterQueen1 · 04/05/2018 21:20

This is so funny and is a brilliant illustration of how people get their knickers in a twist over nothing.

As others have said OP, no-one is obliged to respond to you if they're too busy / CBA, have forgotten about the message / didn't see the message / haven't made their mind up yet.

For anyone to get all judgy, hoiky bosomed, upset, offended is silly. I don't reply to messages straight away because I'm generally doing other things....

Original poster

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 21:22

Fucking hell, I only bother to open app messages once a day, usually about 10pm. I often forget WA for days on end. I'm not rude, just busy and not looking at my phone every 5 mins......

You do realise not that many people do that?

Especially younger people

OP posts:

Original poster

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 21:23

TwitterQueen1 you must live an extremely sheltered life if you find this funny.

OP posts:

givemeyourbadge · 04/05/2018 21:27

If you have been friends for 24 years how did you contact her before WA?

bandito · 04/05/2018 21:32

I think this is a generational thing. I am early forties and call my friends on the phone if I want to meet with them that week. There's a few I see a lot, who I might just text with 'meet up Monday 2?' or something but if they don't reply I just assume they're busy.

On What's App I'm the eldest on one social group (mature student) and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of traffic on there - how does anyone in more than one group get anything done in really life, especially if you're using it as your main communication??

I work long hours and my phone can be out of battery for days before I notice, plug it in and have a look at messages. Not rude, just busy. If you want me, give me a call (pref landline) or send a text.

TwitterQueen1 · 04/05/2018 21:34

OP, I don't lead a sheltered life, I just know how to prioritise. Have you tried actually - you know - picking up your phone and actually calling her - you know - real talking?

LonelyGir1 · 04/05/2018 21:35

Call a landline? I'm crying with laughter...haven't had a land phone for nearly a decade!

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