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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude? Not replying

142 replies

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 18:55

I asked a friend if she’s free next weekend on WhatsApp (Tuesday) and she still haven’t even opened the text ... but has been online multiple times.

Yes I know she might be busy. But we’re all busy and it’s hardly a task that takes hours. 2 minutes at most.

OP posts:

bandito · 04/05/2018 21:36

But then I also make myself a nice cup of tea, shovel some coal in the back of the desktop and settle down to catch up with facebook / mumsnet about twice a week, so maybe am not typical.

Bibidy · 04/05/2018 21:36

I don't understand everyone saying 'nobody owes you a response' and 'I don't checks for days' etc etc.

Surely if you're friends you can take the time to open a message and send a response, even if the response is that you can't reply right now but will do so soon?

It's not nice to blatantly ignore people who have taken the time to message you to see how you are, ask you to meet up...many people would give a lot to have people care about them that way.

I think it's just manners to at least open a message someone has sent you. To not even open it is as if you can't even be bothered to read what the person has to say.

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 21:36

Well I bet you’re the life and soul of every party

Damn straight I am. Nobody loves the people stamping their feet because they didn't get a reply the second they wanted one.

bandito · 04/05/2018 21:37

I think you can still call landline numbers from mobiles though LonelyGir1 - is it trickier than calling a mobile?

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 21:39

Call a landline? I'm crying with laughter...haven't had a land phone for nearly a decade!

You know, you'll piss yourself laughing at this, but other people are not you and plenty have a landline!

I know! Hilarious!

blueskyinmarch · 04/05/2018 21:44

Just message her again. She probably read it and forgot to respond. If you have been friends that long it should be fine . No?

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 21:48

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

sonjadog · 04/05/2018 21:49

Message her again.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 21:56

Oops, you've had some of your responses deleted on the first page it seems OP. So people won't have the full info of your responses to go by.

TheAntiBoop · 04/05/2018 21:58

I do this all the time. I get a whatsapp and need to consider whether I am free or not (normally by asking dh as I have form for double booking). Then I forget to reply (I forget a lot these days). I find it far easier remembering to reply to text or email as I'm not havin to go in and out of conversations and I can flag an email that I know needs a response (can you do that on whatsapp?)

So a follow up message is always appreciated

Instead of reading this as a negative situation and feeling shit, why don't you just message her again?

Tartyflette · 04/05/2018 22:00

OP I certainly wasn't pointing at you in the FB comment, if it looked that way then I apologise.
But the sad fact of the matter is that many people do put too much of their own lives on FB (as shown by many anguished threads on here) instead of actually talking to their friends, and then getting upset when they don't get the 'likes' or other response that they wanted.
My generation is as guilty of that as any other.

bandito · 04/05/2018 22:03

Just give her a call OP and when she (apparently inevitably) answers in a panic thinking it's an emergency, say "Phew I thought you were dead! - why are you ignoring me, you unfriendly wretch - it's been FOUR days?" (or words to that effect) It might not result in a drink out though.

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 22:06

But yeah everyone loves a soured face bulldog too. Win win for you

Have we met?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/05/2018 22:09

nobody owes you a response

Well I bet you’re the life and soul of every party

This response ^^ and others like it are cropping up increasingly randomly, without any apparent relationship to the comment being replied to, and it's starting to amuse me.

I don't like Weetabix.

'Well I bet YOU'RE fun at parties!'

I prefer a flat sandal to a heel.

'God, I bet YOU'RE the life and soul of the party.'

etc.

Original poster

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 22:09

STOP TELLING ME TO CALL HER!

Sorry had to put that in capitals because people just don’t bother reading the thread.

I am not going to call her. It probably is a generation thing and it’s very rare to call someone other than your mum. Everyone texts.

OP posts:

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 22:10

I am not going to call her. It probably is a generation thing and it’s very rare to call someone other than your mum. Everyone texts

Its not. Young people use phones too, shock! If you're too lazy to call your friend, don't whine about her being too lazy to answer your message.

She probably just forgot anyway, you giant drama queen.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 22:12

SheGotBetteDavisEyes

This response ^^ and others like it are cropping up increasingly randomly, without any apparent relationship to the comment being replied to, and it's starting to amuse me.

You must be great fun at parties

Evangeline3 · 04/05/2018 22:14

Why should she call her?
The woman has ignored her why should she beg and call her?

Mummymia2 · 04/05/2018 22:18

Perhaps her settings are so that the ticks never turn blue when a message is seen. My friend has hers like this and will occasionally read a message and mean to reply later and forget, I too am terrible for this but because of her settings it’s easy to assume it’s been ignored.

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 22:18

You don't know she ignored her. She might easily not have noticed the message. Paranoia much?

MadMags · 04/05/2018 22:21

I think OP is a bit mad and is being very arsey with little provocation

But!!! She’s not wrong about the texting/phoning thing.

People on here always trot that out, always really sneery about it, too.

And I just think; nobody calls anymore! OP’s friend would probably think she was mental if she rang! 😂

SleightOfMind · 04/05/2018 22:21

I think calling about this is stalkerish too and I’m old.
If it’s this weekend coming, I’d msg her: ‘Still on for Sat?’
If it’s the one after, then leave it till after the bank holiday.

after 24 yrs though, you should know if she’s a bit scatty with this stuff or a CF who’d keep you hanging on till the last minute in case she gets a better offer?

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 22:22

And I just think; nobody calls anymore!

They do though. It's bullshit to say they don't.

tigercub50 · 04/05/2018 22:23

I find social media really tricky & quite stressful sometimes - I am a worrier anyway & I do worry about people not replying. I kept adding a particular friend to Watsapp groups & she would either say she couldn’t make whatever it was or didn’t reply. Eventually she texted, thanked me for my messages & said she has a lot on & doesn’t have a lot of time for texting etc so could I not include her on Watsapp from now on. She would let me know when she’s free to meet up. Wish she could have done that sooner as I was beginning to think she just didn’t want to meet at all!

Hippee · 04/05/2018 22:24

It's not me is it? I am on Whatsapp but I don't really understand how it works, and rarely open it unless I spot an alert on my phone.

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